Page 2 | Resigned but asked to stay

Anon7774 · 2022-03-01T18:03:05+00:00

*posted in staff room but posting here too for more traffic* I resigned mid November to leave at Easter. I gave plenty of notice considering resignation for Easter date was actually yesterday. My head whose an absolutely lovely woman has been very supportive of my decision, but today requested if I can stay till July as a favour to them as they finding it hard to fill my role. I made it clear no I cannot but been asked to think over it and let her know end of week. I’m really struggling with life, kids and husband and she knows it so is she being a CF by asking me this? Should I feel guilty? Is there any benefit for me to stay? Just for context I am not going to another job and money is not an issue if I don’t fit for a year or so. Once I’ve sorted myself out I can easily find another job or even supply. I have supplied when my kids were very young and I loved it. Would love to do supply again so not in huge need to stay in this job. What shall I do?

FairyCakeWings · 01/03/2022 18:43

@Anon7774

Will it really affect my career? I don’t intend on working for next 3 years and just doing supply. What does everyone think?

I think we’re likely to be as desperate for teachers in three years as we are now, so you’ll be fine.

helterskelter3 · 01/03/2022 18:43

Would reduced hours be appealing?

CremeEggThief · 01/03/2022 18:49

I hate this stance on here that people are being cheeky fuckers to ask anything.

In my view, people can ask you anything they want. You then choose whether you say yes or no. Simple as that.

If your mind is still made up and all your reasons and concerns are the same, judt say no. (You could preface it by saying thanks, I'm very flattered, but no thanks..., but there's no need to if you don't want to).

Throckmorton · 01/03/2022 18:49

When you say you will give in and stay because you are a people pleaser, have a think about that. You say you're not there for your family, so you're not pleasing them are you. Ask yourself why you are more concerned about pleasing work than your family.

Knackeredmommy · 01/03/2022 18:51

Just say no, she couldn't ask if you had another job lined up. The last term is so stressful, you'll regret it if you stay on.

ThankGodImAnAtheist · 01/03/2022 18:53

You have gone out of your way to try and make this easier for them by giving extra notice, you gave them a clear ‘no’ when asked to reconsider, and you’ve now been told to ‘think about it’ ? It sounds like your good nature is being taken advantage of. I really hope you stick to your guns and follow through as planned. If pressured, I would say ‘I gave extra notice to avoid this situation happening, I have started making my own plans, I can’t help you any further with the situation and I don’t appreciate being made to feel I am doing something wrong’. And I wouldn’t wait until the end of the week to say it. I definitely wouldn’t get drawn into ‘part time’ if this is how you are being treated … it’s fine for them to ask, but they should accept your decision and shouldn’t guilt trip you. Good luck !

Original poster

Anon7774 · 01/03/2022 18:59

@ThankGodImAnAtheist

You have gone out of your way to try and make this easier for them by giving extra notice, you gave them a clear ‘no’ when asked to reconsider, and you’ve now been told to ‘think about it’ ? It sounds like your good nature is being taken advantage of. I really hope you stick to your guns and follow through as planned. If pressured, I would say ‘I gave extra notice to avoid this situation happening, I have started making my own plans, I can’t help you any further with the situation and I don’t appreciate being made to feel I am doing something wrong’. And I wouldn’t wait until the end of the week to say it. I definitely wouldn’t get drawn into ‘part time’ if this is how you are being treated … it’s fine for them to ask, but they should accept your decision and shouldn’t guilt trip you. Good luck !

Thank you. Yes I feel she is taking advantage of my nature. The school know my personal situation and know I could get signed off but I decided not to and just give my notice in. I’ve struggled coming into work but I have. It’s taking it’s toll as I feel myself really heading for a breakdown. I cannot cope.

OP posts:

MeanderingGently · 01/03/2022 19:04

Just say no, and go.
You don't need to stay, you have given more than enough notice, there's no need to feel guilty...leave. Your family needs you and you need a break, stop putting the job above your own and your family's needs.

I was in this position last year, told the school I was going to leave in the summer term but they wanted me to stay on until December, then they revised it until October. In the end I just said no. It was the best thing I did, the stress was affecting me. Nothing dreadful happened, they eventually sent my P45, in my case I'd already got another job anyway.

Honestly, if you're ready to leave, don't be talked out of it. The school may be having problems recruiting but that isn't your problem. Put yourself first for a change.

WutheringHeights66 · 01/03/2022 19:04

You must go, be insistent, grey rock. Don’t be me the people pleaser, had I had the balls to stick by what I said I would be free now, instead I’m still doing a job I hate and fills me with anxiety.

SoftwareDev · 01/03/2022 19:06

Schools are rife with this kind of nonsense. YOU OWE THEM NOTHING. I think you have been more than accommodating by freely giving them an extended notice period. It is not your problem that the post is not filled.

Leave and enjoy your freedom!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 01/03/2022 19:08

’m a people pleaser. I know I will just give in and stay

Well that's your choice to make, but do realise it IS a choice

Personally I'd resent being clear that you're going and still being asked to "think about it and let them know", but it's worth remembering that very often, folk treat us as we allow them to

Fernandina · 01/03/2022 19:13

I feel myself really heading for a breakdown. I cannot cope.

You have to put your own wellbeing first. You need to leave, and stop thinking about being a people-pleaser - you are not supposed to martyr yourself over something like this. They have had plenty of notice.

willstarttomorrow · 01/03/2022 19:20

You will get another job- there is a huge shortage of teachers and you will get snapped up. I am not in education but in social work and we recently had a union meeting. We were advised if there is any time to demand change it is now. The LA cannot recruit and cannot retain workers. Discussions of working to rule but people were generally fearful of the impact of working their actual paid for hours- most are working 30- 50% extra upwards a week. I imagine teaching is in the same situation. I am not even working in a 'struggling' LA but everyone is burnt out and just leaving. A colleague has just left frontline social work and physically and emotionally she feels she has her life back, to the extent her periods have returned (she has been ttc). She was an amazing SW and it is a massive loss on so many levels but public sector workers are now cannon fodder - it is crazy and short sighted.

grapewines · 01/03/2022 19:26

Schools are rife with this kind of nonsense. YOU OWE THEM NOTHING. I think you have been more than accommodating by freely giving them an extended notice period. It is not your problem that the post is not filled.

Yep. Don't roll over on this. She's taking advantage of you.

narkyspirit · 01/03/2022 19:27

Slightly different I was working abroad with a notice period of 2 months, I resigned giving 2 months almost as my 2 months where up I was asked to stay as they didn't want to lose me. sorry I need to go and do other things! I agreed to stay for extra month, when I had shippers come and collect belongings to send back to UK it dawned on them I was going. 4 months go by, we would really like you to come back. No thanks!!!!!

Darbs76 · 01/03/2022 19:28

She’s probably just asking out of desperation as many children have had so much disruption. That’s not your fault of course, but if you can I’m sure many would appreciate it

museumum · 01/03/2022 19:30

It’s not cheeky to ask you. In fact if they’ve failed to fill the position she’d be remiss not to ask you.
But - you can and should just say no. Book a term-time holiday just after Easter if you need to and say you can’t stay.

PrivateHall · 01/03/2022 19:31

Aw you can't blame them for trying. You say you are a good teacher, so of course they will chance their arm and hope you changed your mind. Obviously you have to do what is right for you and your family. You must put your own family first. Good luck!

NinaDefoe · 01/03/2022 19:34

I’m torn here.
If this HT has genuinely been a good manager and has supported you throughout your time there I would indeed ‘give it some thought’.
What I mean by that is, I would decide whether or not I could stand to work there until the end of the year if a compromise was met.
If the answer is no and you are desperate to leave no matter what, then your decision is simple. Leave and don’t feel guilty.
If, for example, you could bear to stay on with reduced responsibility - no extra Curr., reduced meetings, mornings only etc. then you could maybe think about it. You can make a deal.

Having said that, in your position, I would leave. Nice as she is, you don’t owe anyone anything.

To the poster above asking if leaving a teaching job mid-year is bad form.
It’s a job. You can leave whenever your contract says you can leave.

Lilac57 · 01/03/2022 19:35

I am a teacher, and I'm absolutely not at all surprised that they're trying to lay on the guilt and get you to stay, but they're looking out for their own interests, not yours. Leaving at Easter will not affect your career, at all, teachers do it all the time, you're under no obligation to stay until the end of the year. Until there's consequences of schools being terrible places to work (i.e. teachers leaving and making it difficult for schools to actually operate), nothing will change. Leave, leave as soon as you can, and don't listen to anything they say to try and get you to stay. It will all be bollocks.

waitingpatientlyforspring · 01/03/2022 19:37

She isn't being cf, just desperately trying to keep a (I assume) good teacher. Its really hard to find and appoint, especially at this time of year. Teachers leaving at easter should be banned (joke, but seriously, it's almost impossible to get good teachers to start after Easter).

NinaDefoe · 01/03/2022 19:38

I feel myself really heading for a breakdown. I cannot cope.

I have just read this again.
You must leave. UNLESS your HT can put something in place that will SIGNIFICANTLY reduce the burden and stress you feel.

billy1966 · 01/03/2022 19:38

You have given them sufficient notice.

She knows your situation and still asked.

Her needs are coming before yours.

You need to put yourself and your family first and stick to your decision.

Text her if you can.

Do not leave it to the end of the week as she may think you are reconsidering.

Tell her you have given sufficient time, have made plans, and will not reconsider.

Good luck.

M0rT · 01/03/2022 19:38

It's not cheeky to ask, it is to not take the no they were given.
Have they actually been looking to fill your role since you handed in your notice or thought it would be easier to guilt trip you into staying then advertise and interview?
Seriously work on the people pleasing of people outside your family.
My DM is like you, feels bad letting work down but often misses family events for work.
She is a bit hurt sometimes now we are adults that effort isn't really made to arrange things on her time off. But she has agreed to work extra instead of coming home for dinner/day out etc too many times for us to bother anymore.

godmum56 · 01/03/2022 19:39

This happened to me when I left the NHS. I just said sorry no can do.