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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I msg the girl I think my boyfriend is cheating on with?

58 replies

MiMw · 28/02/2022 20:08

He won’t admit anything I have asked multiple times. since I noticed he added first on insta, something has been off. She likes everything he posts and he is now friends with her on Facebook today. I just want to know the truth? I know people will tell me to just dump him and forget it but i want proof

OP posts:
Lucinda86 · 28/02/2022 20:10

What makes you think they’re anything more than friends? I have male friends at work who like stuff I post, is there any other signs? X

Flyonthewall01 · 28/02/2022 20:10

I doubt she’ll tell you the truth. If he’s blatant enough to add the on fb he will have told her not to reply to you

1000yellowdaisies · 28/02/2022 20:11

What else is making you suss apart from fb and Instagram?

Original poster
MiMw · 28/02/2022 20:11

Gut instinct. He told me is feeling depressed that’s why he has been off, he lied at the wknd to not see me which he did admit.

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Original poster
MiMw · 28/02/2022 20:12

He is cocky to be fair so 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Susu49 · 28/02/2022 20:12

Yanbu for wanting to know the truth but I don't think this will go the way you want it to

Original poster
MiMw · 28/02/2022 20:14

Yeah probably not. It’s not the first time I have felt like this. I had been warned by a mutual friend

OP posts:
GreenClock · 28/02/2022 20:16

Be in charge. Separate from him before he finishes with you. End it amicably, walk away with dignity.

VelvetChairGirl · 28/02/2022 20:18

no point, she will ignore you and block you, if he is cheating he would have spun her a line of BS about what a witch you are and boo hoo poor him already.

Toottooot · 28/02/2022 20:19

Are you children? How old is the ‘girl?’

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 28/02/2022 20:19

Is t the fundamental problem here that you don't trust him. Possibly because he's not trustworthy, possibly because of other reasons. Whatever the cause you don't trust him so how can you continue a relationship with him?

I wouldn't message the girl, because she's not the one cheating on someone if they are in a relationship on the side, he is. If you can't believe what he says then end it.

steff13 · 28/02/2022 20:24

@Toottooot

Are you children? How old is the ‘girl?’
Hmm

If you suspect him, the relationship is over, proof or not. Just break up with him.

Original poster
MiMw · 28/02/2022 20:24

No need to be nasty with your comment, I’m actually really struggling with a lot at the moment. Be kind is a thing

OP posts:
3luckystars · 28/02/2022 20:27

Do not have any dealings with her. If your gut instinct is telling you something then go with that. Good luck.

Tee20x · 28/02/2022 20:27

Nope.

It can go two ways - she lies and doesn't tell you anything or she does tell you but knows that she's got you riled up and gets pleasure from that.

Honestly you'll regret it later.

NeverChange · 28/02/2022 20:29

No, she owes you nothing.

Your problem isn't with her, it's with him.

Also if you can't trust him you should break up. If you don't have trust, you have nothing.

Canyouhearmehello · 28/02/2022 20:39

No OP please don't contact her as other pps have said she will probably deny it. If you don't trust him maybe better to leave him go with your gut feeling. I know it is difficult to end a relationship but if you are not happy may be the best thing for you hope this helps Flowers

DysmalRadius · 28/02/2022 20:44

If you contact her, is there an outcome you'd be happy with? What if she convinces you that there's nothing going on, but then tells him that you've been in touch? Either you are paranoid and suspicious, in which case this will happen again, or he's cheating/acting in a way that suggests he would/could cheat in which case this will happen again...

Pizzadreams · 28/02/2022 20:46

How old are you op please? You sound very young.

What did your mate say and do you trust them?

Sparklesocks · 28/02/2022 20:48

If you don’t trust him anymore then it’s time to walk away regardless of what she may or may not say.

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 28/02/2022 20:51

If you messages and she says they aren't shagging, what then?

You still won't trust him as something is 'off'.

You don't need proof, you don't trust him, you're monitoring his Instagram and Facebook, you're not happy, just walk away and find someone you can trust.

Krakenchorus · 28/02/2022 20:51

She has nothing to do with your relationship. You're in a relationship with him, not her.

If you think he's cheating and have good reason for that belief, dump him. You don't need proof beyond reasonable doubt. This is not a court of law.

Pizzadreams · 28/02/2022 20:53

Op do you want “proof” becayse deep down you think you’re wrong and this is about jealousy/insecurity?

cuno · 28/02/2022 20:57

I think if you have to go and ask her you'd lose some of your dignity to be honest. You could very well be wrong and cause some unnecessary drama, then he'll always talk about you as the crazy ex. If you genuinely feel this way even if it is just a hunch or a gut feeling and no proof, please just leave. Whether he's cheated or not, you feel this way so clearly the relationship isn't working.

Original poster
MiMw · 28/02/2022 20:57

Old enough not to be in this situation and acting this way I’m well aware. She has a mural best friend, who told him not to go near any of her friends including my friend. Yeah I trust her

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