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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I msg the girl I think my boyfriend is cheating on with?

58 replies

MiMw · 28/02/2022 20:08

He won’t admit anything I have asked multiple times. since I noticed he added first on insta, something has been off. She likes everything he posts and he is now friends with her on Facebook today. I just want to know the truth? I know people will tell me to just dump him and forget it but i want proof

OP posts:
GordenBennett · 28/02/2022 21:01

Don’t drag her in to it . He is not a prize to fight over but you’ll fuel his ego if you start doing this
Keep your dignity and walk away. He knows where to find you if he values your relationship

OnTopOfThePiano · 28/02/2022 21:09

You have proof… proof there is no trust
Move on

shiningstar2 · 28/02/2022 21:22

The girl owes you nothing. If he is cheating that's on him. If he is cheating she may or may not know this. If she knows and is still with him she doesn't care about what he is doing to you and will lie about it and tell him you are on the case. If she had no idea he was cheating she will be upset, have a big row with him and tell him you contacted her. Either way he will come home denying everything and gas lighting you. He will say you are mad, unstable, spying on him ext ex. So what's in it for you contacting her?
He may or may not be cheating. Best advice is to stop asking him, go quiet about it and find out for yourself by stealth. That way, if he's not cheating you haven't made a fool of yourself and caused mayhem over a perfectly reasonable friendship. If he is cheating you can confront him with unarguable evidence and ltb. 💐

Original poster
MiMw · 28/02/2022 21:57

@shiningstar2 thank you x

OP posts:
MrsMillhouse · 28/02/2022 22:17

Don’t do the pick me dance. You don’t trust him. Walk away now

Bryonny84 · 28/02/2022 22:32

OP, you're worth more than this so just walk away. If he comes after you then play it cool, don't rush back. Don't let people mess you about. There are decent men out there, go and find one because this guy isn't what you need.

UnvarnishedTruth · 28/02/2022 22:45

You're contemplating leaving him because "She likes everything he posts and he is now friends with her on Facebook today".

You're controlling, paranoid, and should leave him so he can be with someone better.

MsDogLady · 28/02/2022 23:00

OP, this guy is a bad bet, and you were planning to break it off 3 weeks ago. The consensus on your other thread was that he is a 40 year old player who lies, keeps you unsettled, and dodges your valid questions.

He recently went on a hen night, and he told you he’d previously shagged the bride. You think he met this new woman at that hen do. He has not invited you as his +1 for the wedding.

Also, he once ended things with you and claimed he wasn’t ready for a relationship, when in truth he intended to get back with an Ex.

In your shoes, I wouldn’t diminish myself by contacting the new woman. You already know that he is bad news, so if you stick with him you’ll be perpetually anxious and unsettled. Don’t you deserve better than this? Flowers

Chilesstanton · 01/03/2022 00:41

If she confirms, it’s over. If she doesn’t, still over. I wouldn’t give either of them the satisfaction.

DdraigGoch · 01/03/2022 00:58

Just walk away OP. Whether or not he really is cheating on you, it's clear that your relationship isn't working.

LadyPropane · 01/03/2022 01:01

Honestly just dump him and move on.

Even if he isn't cheating, you know he's still lied to you and he sounds like a dickhead. You don't trust him. You can do better.

Wednesdayafternoon · 01/03/2022 01:05

Unless your 100% planning on ending the relationship I wouldn't message because if he is innocent there really will be no way back from you doing that.
I hope you're ok OP ♥️ It must be really difficult for you right now x

tympanic · 01/03/2022 01:29

@Pizzadreams

How old are you op please? You sound very young.

What did your mate say and do you trust them?

What does it matter how old she is? I swear half the people on Mumsnet just come here to feel superior.

OP, I’m sorry about the unkind posters. I can see why you’re upset. I’m with the others I’m afraid. Dump his ass. My gut has always been right when it comes to cheating. Either way, you don’t trust him so it’s time to go xxx

Marvellousmadness · 01/03/2022 02:02

Are you teenagers? Just move along op. Dump his ass and listen to your gut feeling

KindlyKanga · 01/03/2022 02:21

Leave her alone. Leave him.

Franticbutterfly · 01/03/2022 08:17

No. Don't give her any ammo (I speak from experience as it backfired on me).

ManicPixie · 01/03/2022 08:22

From their posting style I’m guessing the op is under 18? Just cut ties, the hassle isn’t worth it at this stage of life.

girlmom21 · 01/03/2022 08:23

Dump anyone who makes you doubt whether you can trust them, especially when he's admitted he lied to avoid you.

Wolfiefan · 01/03/2022 08:25

I can’t believe some people think this is a good idea. If you don’t trust him you can’t be in a relationship with him. She is irrelevant.

catfunk · 01/03/2022 08:26

No.
A. You're not a teenager (presumably)
B. She wouldn't admit it if it were true
C. If you don't trust him you need to get rid of him

Iputthetrampintrampoline · 01/03/2022 08:37

No absolutely not op. She isnt doing anything wrong He is, He is meant to say no when in a relationship with you,If he hasnt its his issue not hers. Dump him.You deserve more and he obviously doesnt care enough for you or he would have no interest what so ever with anyone else. he is a prat, Go out have fun and replace his sorry arse,

Lalliella · 01/03/2022 08:39

Why don’t you trust him OP? I have a male friend with shared interests, we message a lot and like all each others’ posts because we like the same things and have similar opinions. He’s just a friend and my DH would never suspect otherwise. This seems a bit odd to me.

AllOfUsAreDead · 01/03/2022 08:45

@Toottooot

Are you children? How old is the ‘girl?’
Moron..

Op, she will just lie to you anyway most likely if he is cheating, or possibly not care. If she does admit it, apologises and says she won't see him again, are you going to stay with him yourself? You shouldn't as he's a cheater.

Just dump him. There's better men out there who don't lie for a start.

SpiderVersed · 01/03/2022 08:49

Just ditch him. Keep your dignity and move on.

SartresSoul · 01/03/2022 08:50

A woman did this to me once years ago. I had been dating her boyfriend but genuinely had no idea he had a girlfriend at all, no real sign of her on his social media and he obviously didn’t tell me he had one! So there’s a chance she doesn’t know you exist. I was actually grateful she reached out so I knew how much of a sleaze he was.