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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband addicted to online sex on webcams

108 replies

Jaded82 · 28/02/2022 13:20

It’s come out that my husband, whom I totally trusted and I thought was the most moral and dependable person ever, has been using porn and sex chat lines ever since we got married. That has progressed in the last decade to hooking up with women on webcams to have online sex (sometimes a few times a week!) He likes to return to the same ones so much so they’ve got to recognise/know him and they have chats. He’s told me the things he’d want them to do and all the compliments he’d give them. I feel sick and disorientated. Over the years he’s spent over £10,000 on this and I never realised!! He says they were easier to be with than me because they took compliments better! Actually he never complimented me. He says eventually, if we ever actually had sex (which was rare because he always pushed me away!) he’d fantasise about them.

My husband is getting therapy for sex addiction and childhood trauma therapy but I feel so lonely and rejected. I don’t know what to do. It’s all I can think about and I have horrible images flash into my mind often. Are there any stories of people forgiving their partners and being able to build afresh? I’ve lost my bearings and don’t know if I’m being too hopeful or too dramatic!

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LoopyDream · 28/02/2022 13:26

I’m so sorry you are going through this. Bumping for you.

Lockheart · 28/02/2022 13:27

Yes, people can forgive their partners and move on, but I think it's too early to be making that decision, and just because some people forgive (or conversely, kick them straight out), it doesn't mean you have to if that is not what you want to do.

Regardless of what you decide, I think it would be really helpful for you to also have counselling so that you can work through this. It's a terrible, huge shock you've had and you need help to process it.

ThymePoultice · 28/02/2022 13:29

I don’t think trust can be rebuilt to that extent. It isn’t just the sex, it’s a lot of deceit.

SparkleSky · 28/02/2022 13:30

I would consider this cheating and it would be a dealbreaker sorry OP. He's betrayed you emotionally, sexually and financially and he's lied a lot. I hope you have a good support network of people who love you and you can talk to about this. Don't keep it a secret for him.

YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp · 28/02/2022 13:31

I couldn’t stay with someone like this, it’s virtual adultery and unforgivable.

SamphiretheStickerist · 28/02/2022 13:35

Yabvvvvvvu to yourself. Probably because his infidelity has been reframed as an addiction and you have to feel sorry for the addict.

Who told you it was an addiction?

£10k is a shit load of money.

His words to / about you suggest he is a deeply unpleasant, disconnected man who doesn't actually see you, the individual.

Read your OP back. Is there anything in that that tells you he is a nice man, ever?

I hope you have friends and family who will support you while you put this man as far out of your life as you can.

OneTC · 28/02/2022 13:41

Nah fuck that, get rid.

Jaded82 · 28/02/2022 13:43

Thank you x

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Jaded82 · 28/02/2022 13:44

Thank you I have started therapy and going to a partners of sex addicts group. I just feel like I don’t even know who I am. I’m in so much shock, I never thought!

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Jaded82 · 28/02/2022 13:45

Some things coming out are horrific, like he’d hook up with women online in bed while I was asleep next to him. Or while he was settling our baby to bed!

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LittleGwyneth · 28/02/2022 13:47

Of course you can rebuild - if that is what you want. But I think you need to ascertain whether it is what you want deep down, or whether you're scared and in shock and allowing that to dominate your feelings.

I 100% believe that these things can be addictive. The sites are designed to be addictive, just like online gambling. For me the fact that he told you and that he is getting help is a massive green flag. I think it will be difficult, but if you are both determined then I think you can come back from this.

As PP said, I would make sure that you have people to talk to about this - whether that's a friend, family member or therapist. Don't get into keeping secrets to protect him. You need support right now.

Bottom line: if he is willing to change, he is a good partner and you want to keep trying, it is entirely your choice to stay, and no-one should judge you for that. If I were you I would want to be seeing some pretty seismic changes in him to indicate that things are going to be different from now on. But I wouldn't 100% rule out healing from it.

Jaded82 · 28/02/2022 13:48

I’ve had to push and push for answers. At first he said he never paid for anything or spoke to anyone, then says he just tipped a bit in groups. I had to ask and ask for him to say he had private sessions. And he denied for ages he did cam to cam! I’m exhausted! I had to go through his private bank account to find out about money which shocked him!

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Jaded82 · 28/02/2022 13:49

He says he’s too ashamed for me to tell anyone. He’d rather we separate than people know. I guess I feel ashamed too that he’d rather go to women on webcams than me.

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TorringtonDean · 28/02/2022 13:52

I’d leave him. I left my ex-husband for something similar but a bit worse. Because it will get worse. A man like that is utterly untrustworthy.

The money is not to be disregarded either. This is money you and your kids could have enjoyed. My ex went on to Royally rip me off in the divorce while I was left supporting the kids, of course. Anyone hooked on online sex has no morals at all.
It was still better in the end emotionally and financially to get rid of him.

CityMumma78 · 28/02/2022 13:53

Don’t feel like you have to rebuild anything, remember you are the victim of a vast amount of deceitful behaviour - financially, sexually and emotionally. I personally couldn’t rebuild if the person I trusted and had children with had shown me such contempt over a long period of time. “Addiction” makes it appear he is blameless in all of this, which he isn’t, you cannot blame an unhappy childhood and trauma on behaving like a dick.
I think you deserve much much better than this man and I’m sorry you are going through this which is a trauma in itself.
Good luck xx

TorringtonDean · 28/02/2022 13:54

There’s no shame on your behalf either. I did find some other people did not understand the extreme hurt he caused. But then I don’t understand how their marriages work.

OneTC · 28/02/2022 13:55

He’d rather we separate than people know.

I'd seize that offer without hesitation

Cocomarine · 28/02/2022 13:56

Addiction my fucking arse.
You poor poor thing.
Nice that it’s all your fault for not taking compliments well - WTF?
That’s why I’d tell him to fuck off with the “addiction” excuses. How does it being your fault fit with that?
He’s just a nasty, shitty, selfish arsehole.

If you do think it’s an addiction (not, he just did it because he wanted to) then consider the 3 Cs from all addictions:

  • you didn’t cause it
  • you can’t control it
  • you can’t cure it

This is with him now. Let him prove to you that he has stopped.
If it’s truly an addiction (and clearly I think bollocks is it) then he still needs to go.
You can’t stay with someone who spends £10K cheating on you and trashing your self esteem - even if it isn’t their “fault” 🙄

Please be very clear: addiction or plain arseholery, this is not your fault, and not a reflection of you.

Chickychoccyegg · 28/02/2022 13:57

I wouldn't be Interested in rebuilding a relationship, he's done too much, through your whole marriage and tried to blame you.
I would happily divorce in this situation and I'd tell everyone why.

Jaded82 · 28/02/2022 13:58

I’m sorry TorringtonDean for what you’ve gone through, it’s so painful. We’ve always been hard up, no holidays and trying to save a house deposit! It’s gutting he’s used money like this! Now I’m having to use my Grandmas small inheritance to pay for therapy!!

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SamphiretheStickerist · 28/02/2022 14:01

@Jaded82

Thank you I have started therapy and going to a partners of sex addicts group. I just feel like I don’t even know who I am. I’m in so much shock, I never thought!
Do you find that useful?

Or is it focussed on understanding his behaviour with a view to 'getting over it'?

I would just sound a note of caution, in case you feel that the group seeks to normalise his behaviour, to persuade you to find a coping mechanism.

Because his behaviour is not normal. The amount of time and money he has spent on it is not normal.

And you might decide that you don't want to carry on protecting him, saving his embarrassment.

Look after yourself first. Nobody else will prioritise you.

LexMitior · 28/02/2022 14:03

Do not pretzel yourself into trying to deal with him, he is both untrustworthy and self serving; I would just go and see a solicitor and take the financial documents. There's no actual issue for him to stop doing this, he will be spending family money on it so you need to take some action on that asap.

Btw, when you do financially settle, it will come out then - the accounts you have will be scrutinised. So its a faint hope that you wouldn't know.

Jaded82 · 28/02/2022 14:05

We’re going to do a full therapeutic disclosure on his timeline of acting out and I’ve said I need him to take a polygraph. I’m just wondering, even if he stops acting out, how I can move on and it not always be on my mind. I’ve taken all our family photos down, all photos of us with each of our 4 kids because it was all a lie and it makes me feel ill to look at photos and think what he was doing at that time!

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TorringtonDean · 28/02/2022 14:06

I have to say the reason you didn’t have money was because he was wasting it! That shows how little he cares about you. I’m so sorry but that’s the truth. Best to get rid.

Jaded82 · 28/02/2022 14:08

Thank you, it’s unbelievable that I’d consider divorcing him. We’ve been friends since we were 8 years old and have grown up together. I can’t believe he’d do this to me! It doesn’t feel like my life

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