MILs idea of what her role is

[Benjoir]

Myself and MIL were sitting in her living room, she was holding DC and chatting to him.

I'm watching the tele and I hear her say to DC "Yes, mummy and daddy thinking I'm annoying and interfering, but that's my job, isn't it?"

Firstly, I've never said she's annoying nor interfering. She can be very OTT at times, but I let it slide because I just go home and I don't have to worry about it, and quick frankly I can't be bothered with the hassle.

What are people thoughts on this? I'm I'm bit miffed . Surely it's nobodys job to be interfering or annoy new parents?

I dunno couldn’t it just be random babble that people say to babies? My mum spouts all kind of rubbish at mine.

It sounds like a lighthearted joke, aimed at someone who is clearly very easy to wind up.

My mum says this to my daughter " silly mummy thinks I'm annoying" meh 😂

My MIL used to say this. For her it really was the tip of the iceberg concerning her awful behaviour.

To me it sounded like she knows she's OTT and is trying to justify her behaviour out loud or something?

@Cakelover17

It sounds like a lighthearted joke, aimed at someone who is clearly very easy to wind up.

Exactly lol.

@Ionlydomassiveones

She’s telling you she’s not stupid, she knows what you think of her.

This just seems odd (if it is actually the case).

Why not just take a step back and work on your "annoying and interfering" behaviour rather than make snarky comments?

@Ionlydomassiveones

Spot on!

People who use talking to children to communicate things to the child's parents are infuriating, it's not a joke at all it's a pathetic tool of the passive aggressive.

Why not just take a step back and work on your "annoying and interfering" behaviour rather than make snarky comments?

Because she doesn't think she's annoying and interfering. She knows that's what you think of her and she thinks you need to loosen up a little.

I think she's trying to make a point about her experience and it being her job to oversee and advise.

It’s probably nothing. She knows she’s a bit irritating to people.

You’re overthinking this.

I wouldn't take it literally. Depending on her personality it's either a joke based on the stereotype of MILs, or possibly a PA acknowledgement that she knows she irritates you. MiLs would have to live under a rock to miss the narrative that their DILs are irritated by them. Most don't do it on purpose, its the nature of the relationship and there appears no consensus on what is expected. Too little and they're unsupportive, too much and they're interfering. Typically, (though not aimed at you, who may be lovely to her) very little respect for their experience, and always the knowledge that their relationship with the children lies in their DILs hands. I'm not a MIL to a DIL, but can imagine its not an easy role. It's possible she's referencing the role ascribed to her rather than making a statement of intent, but you know her best.

Could just be baby talk.

Could be she worries she is annoying and interfering and wants you to say "of course we don't think think that we love having you"

I'm with you OP, if you are aware that you might be thought of annoying and interfering then work on that!

It sounds like you have a good ability to let it all wash over you.

But your MIL sounds rather old fashioned and not too bright IMO .

Wasn’t really necessary for her to say

Just ignore her

@5128gap

I wouldn't take it literally. Depending on her personality it's either a joke based on the stereotype of MILs, or possibly a PA acknowledgement that she knows she irritates you. MiLs would have to live under a rock to miss the narrative that their DILs are irritated by them. Most don't do it on purpose, its the nature of the relationship and there appears no consensus on what is expected. Too little and they're unsupportive, too much and they're interfering. Typically, (though not aimed at you, who may be lovely to her) very little respect for their experience, and always the knowledge that their relationship with the children lies in their DILs hands. I'm not a MIL to a DIL, but can imagine its not an easy role. It's possible she's referencing the role ascribed to her rather than making a statement of intent, but you know her best.

This is heartbreaking. I know what you mean, but in my case, I absolutely do not see that my DHs relationship with with mother lies in my hands.

I know what you mean though, because I do know of some DILs like this.

Two people make a relationship.

It's interesting now having a 20 year old daughter. When she's home, after a period of time together I can annoy her by just breathing. She doesn't often say anything but you can feel it. We actually have a fabulous relationship and this is part of spreading her wings.
I can remember feeling this about my own mum. Maybe look at the bit that you can control and what you bring to it. I get it, she might be really irritating so either tell her directly what she's doing and why it annoys you or look at what you are doing. She can feel your irritation.

"If you have something to say to me please say it directly rather than through my baby".

She is giving you messages and telling you what she thinks but won't come out and say it. Typical passive aggressive behaviour.

Why does she have to work on her interfering and annoying behaviour? Why can’t you work on your tolerance and politeness levels? She’s your DH’s mother and she won’t be around forever.

I actually meant a MILs relationship with her grandchildren lies largely in a DILs hands. Perhaps with her son too, but as an adult, that's on him. It must be difficult knowing that your access to children you love depends on keeping another woman happy, when going on the threads on here on the subject, that isn't an easy thing to achieve. I've seen MILs slated for buying a rug for the nursery, the 'wrong' style of clothes, for not offering enough babysitting, for making a birthday cake. So many rules, and the suggested penalty for breaking them, even inadvertently, tends to be 'well don't take the DC there again'. I'm not suggesting for a minute you are that DIL, or that some MILs aren't a nightmare, but the negative attitude is so prevalent, you can understand why MILs might expect this to be the case.

I would have said - ah you’re not annoying! We love you! Don’t we baby?

You can be loving or you can be like tillytopper

@Summerfun54321

Why does she have to work on her interfering and annoying behaviour? Why can’t you work on your tolerance and politeness levels? She’s your DH’s mother and she won’t be around forever.

Ok I'm pretty sure you're trolling me, but I'll bite.

By that logic I can just go around being rude and shitty to people in my day to day life, but it's not MY responsibility to work on my behaviour, it's everyone else's responsibility to learn to work on their tolerance levels of me. I won't be around forever either.