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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to take child out of school

105 replies

Samantha312 · 27/02/2022 07:55

So MIL asked DH if we could take DD put of school for the day to celebrate great grandparents birthday on a narrow boat. Weekend slots are not available so a weekday is the only option. Although DD is only in reception I feel reluctant to take her out of school, or AIBU and she would benefit from this more than a day at school. It is an important birthday and obviously will mean a lot to the great grandparent.

OP posts:
goodnightgrumble · 27/02/2022 09:54

@Samantha312

I’m going to take her 😊 I’ve made my decision now.
Yay! Have a fab time x
Fuuuuuckit · 27/02/2022 09:56

@Samantha312

I would love her to go, I just don’t know how to go about it. If I request it it will be declined anyway?
They most certainly won't authorise the absence (heads have a tiny number of reasons to authorise time off).

But I would absolutely take my dc out of school for one day in reception to go to an elderly relative's significant birthday. The school can't do anything to stop you - they're hardly going to drag her in to school out of your arms on the doorstep.

I would not even 'ask' permission - a simple note advising 'dc will not be in school on x date as we are attending a family event' would absolutely do.

KirkstallAbbess · 27/02/2022 09:59

@topcat2014

I wouldn't do it, and I would judge the GPs for not valuing education. But then I am one of life's rule following dullards :)

I used to be a bit like this but have massively unclenched over the years and have absolutely no regrets. As previous posters say, education is about so much more than just school.

Am so glad I facilitated my children doing stuff with great grandparents as they are all dead now and those times can never be repeated.

Pythonesque · 27/02/2022 09:59

Personally I'd tell the teacher as her experience could be used as learning material afterwards, prompts for writing or drawing or storytelling for instance.

ColdCottage · 27/02/2022 10:12

I'd take her out. Plus depending on when her birthday is it's your legal right. The child only has to be in school full time the term after they turn 5 so unless she was born before the Christmas holidays you don't have to worry about breaking any rules.

zingally · 27/02/2022 10:14

Of course I'd take her out! Going on a canal boat would be a huge adventure for a little one, and a LOT more memorable than a day at school!

CruCru · 27/02/2022 10:20

Yeah, you should take her out for this.

However it would irritate me a bit that this was scheduled for mid week (not enough to moan but enough to be mildly peeved). Midweek is when people are already doing something that will need to be cancelled or rearranged. But I am a bit of a sourpuss.

Cattitudes · 27/02/2022 10:39

Make sure you get dh to do the forms and tell the school, he is the one keen for her to go so he needs to lead on this. Then if anything negative is said you can shrug your shoulders and blame it on his family.

Fedupsotired · 27/02/2022 11:33

@Fuuuuuckit they can't unauthorise it as she doesn't have to be in school yet!!!!

NobodysGonnaKnow · 27/02/2022 11:34

I wouldn’t think twice either. Their lives are going to be hard enough in the future. Let them have some fun!

Thecommentsmakemechuckle · 27/02/2022 11:40

My daughter is p3 and I’m taking her out a day early for Easter holidays to go north to see our family as we’re meeting halfway for the weekend and their holidays are coming to an end as ours are starting, we only see them once or twice a year (my mam, sister and her family) due to distance so to me it’s absolutely worth it. She’ll also be out a Friday in May as she’s flower girl at a wedding. We don’t get fined in Scotland for taking our bairns out of school though so maybe a bit different.

PeachCottonTree · 27/02/2022 11:52

Glad you’ve decided to take her, it sounds like a fantastic experience. However you go about it with the school though, don’t say she’s sick. My class of 10 year olds can’t keep stuff like this secret. Much better just to be honest about it.

Raindancer411 · 27/02/2022 11:57

One day from reception I wouldn't bat an eyelid at.

JudgeRindersMinder · 27/02/2022 11:59

@Samantha312

I would love her to go, I just don’t know how to go about it. If I request it it will be declined anyway?
You don’t request it you tell them she won’t be in on such n such a date. She’s your child, you TELL the school what she’s doing, and ignore the nonsense about “declining” or “not permitted” I’m in Scotland and whilst we have some bonkers legislation here, I’ll never understand how and why parents tolerate this nonsense
DelphiniumBlue · 27/02/2022 12:06

If she's 4 she doesn't have to be in school anyway. I wouldn't bother asking permission, you can message them on the day that she won't be in for family reasons.
I work in a school, and we often have children off for a day or 2 for special events, and it's just not a big deal. The school might prefer you to call it a sick day because of their records, but you might prefer not to fib. You can be sure that your daughter will tell everyone where she's been and why she wasn't in school, and most teachers are actually very understanding about this.

BluebellsGreenbells · 27/02/2022 12:06

Personally I'd tell the teacher as her experience could be used as learning material afterwards, prompts for writing or drawing or storytelling for instance

Why would the teacher care? They don’t make the rules on attendance the LA do - the school enforce the rules.

Teachers teach the curriculum - no need to sugar soap it.

Send an email to the school main email address

DD will be off in x date to attend a family gathering.

That’s it.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 27/02/2022 12:11

I wouldn’t give it a second thought, I would call the school on the day leaving a voicemail… but I’m a wimp- I’ve done this a few times for similar reasons and no ones ever raised it!

MargaretThursday · 27/02/2022 12:14

I wouldn't for a couple of reasons.
Firstly if you say yes this year is it then going to be an expectation. MIL wants her to come to hers... next year your parents say "What about us".

Secondly having spent time on a narrow boat I'm not sure it's going to be the fun activity for a 4yo you think.
Narrow boat are narrow. Or otherwise put: small. Very little space for her to move about. What's she going to do?
You're going to be worrying about her falling overboard. Yes, I assume you'll put a life jacket on, but that only reduces the risk if she falls in, there's other issues, especially at locks.
It's pretty same-y once you've done the first hour for a child. They can sit and watch the view go past... or they can walk along the bank.

I think mine would have preferred to go to school at that age, except ds possibly who thought everything was better than school.

Original poster
Samantha312 · 27/02/2022 12:25

And if it is expected again it is also my choice to decide not to.

OP posts:
HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 27/02/2022 12:25

I officially asked to take Dd to Latitude festival, made the case for it, it was very child friendly, she would be exposed to art, ballet, other dance, authors etc it was declined ofcourse which I expected but we were going for 3 school days, but the head teacher and class teacher told Dd they hoped she had a nice time and would look forward to hearing about it when she was back.

Just let her have the day off, it will add to her 'character and culture' experiences that we have to try and shoehorn into a school year and she will get to spend time with her extended family which is important particularly after the last few years.

cinderhella · 27/02/2022 12:42

It’s not something I would even think twice about tbh. My kid is having two days out when family are visiting in a couple of months as we’ve only seen them once in the last two years. I’ll make sure home learning tasks are done of course and I wouldn’t anticipate it being a regular thing but there is a life outside school.

HomeHomeInTheRange · 27/02/2022 16:47

I agree about narrow boats being pretty boring / dangerous for 4 year olds, it isn’t something I would choose to do for a holiday, for example. God, even then sitting on the roof as you approach low tunnels is fraught.

But I dare say there will be enjoyment in spending time with family and seeing how it all works.

OfstedOffred · 27/02/2022 17:06

My family are just clearly not very mnet. None of them would plan a family celebration on a) a work day or b) a school day.

My mother has planned her next big birthday and booked it 18 months ahead to secure a slot during school holidays, timed around bank holidays to minimise the chance of anyone needing to give up annual leave. That is just what is considered the norm in our family!

OfstedOffred · 27/02/2022 17:09

Children are in school for 190 days per year. That leaves 175 other days to do whatever you want. It's not really hard to fit in all the other fun experiences, time with family etc into those days without needing to miss school.

My only exception to this is nurses/drs and other key workers who do weekend shifts & get little/no choice over when they are off.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 27/02/2022 17:49

You don’t want her to go and then you say you’d love her to go…!