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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to take child out of school

105 replies

Samantha312 · 27/02/2022 07:55

So MIL asked DH if we could take DD put of school for the day to celebrate great grandparents birthday on a narrow boat. Weekend slots are not available so a weekday is the only option. Although DD is only in reception I feel reluctant to take her out of school, or AIBU and she would benefit from this more than a day at school. It is an important birthday and obviously will mean a lot to the great grandparent.

OP posts:

ANameChangeAgain · 27/02/2022 08:16

I just don’t know how to go about it. If I request it it will be declined anyway? I think an email to school saying dd won't be in school on x date because she has the opportunity to experience the day on a narrow boat will do. You don't need permission as long as she usually has good attendance, she is your child. I took my children out for an extra day after a half term as our holiday ran over. I just sent the email though as a fact. They are senior school age and have good attendance. School emailed back to say "enjoy".

Original poster

Samantha312 · 27/02/2022 08:17

Thanks everyone 😊

OP posts:

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 27/02/2022 08:19

I'd just pull her teacher to one side at pick up the day before she is off "just letting you know Dd won't be in tomorrow. Her great granny has booked a family event for her 90th birthday and whilst I certainly don't make a habit of keeping her off school, given the age of her great granny, I'm going to bring dd along"

Done.

topcat2014 · 27/02/2022 08:19

I wouldn't do it, and I would judge the GPs for not valuing education. But then I am one of life's rule following dullards :)

Original poster

Samantha312 · 27/02/2022 08:27

@topcat2014 I’m the same really, but DH thinks AIBU and don’t want to upset anybody plus I really value family time and am aware how special it will be for them all. I really struggle
Making decisions haha

OP posts:

MsTSwift · 27/02/2022 08:33

In this situation I would just ring on the morning and say “x will not be at school today” don’t say anything else or lie. They can follow it up if they want but pretty sure they won’t!

User405 · 27/02/2022 08:35

I would take a child out of school no matter what age they were for this. Especially at the moment when life has been so dull. And I'm a teacher.

Darbs76 · 27/02/2022 08:35

Yes I’d take her out, it’s 1 day and it’s an important family occasion

floatsomeandjetsum · 27/02/2022 08:36

I would take her.

A rounded education and childhood experience is really important to me and I'd see this has a day she learned about other things in life, there are lots of 'lessons' available on type of activity, with family.

Baconking · 27/02/2022 08:40

@Samantha312

I would love her to go, I just don’t know how to go about it. If I request it it will be declined anyway?

When I took my son out for 1 day in Year 1, I just wrote to the school saying I understand this will be an unauthorised absence but DS will not be in school on date.

They didn't reply. It's 1 day. You wouldn't even be fined for 1 day.

Going on a narrow boat is a great educational experience.

Waddlegoose · 27/02/2022 08:46

Totally take them, I’m a goodie toe shoes too and I was really nervous about telling the school / requesting to take my kids out of school.

We have had our request declined so it makes it seem a bit of faff even requesting it in the first place. I’m not sure I would bother to fill out the form for a day. I would just call up and say they won’t be in for the real reason. I would probably tell the teachers in advance.

SavoyCabbage · 27/02/2022 08:49

It probably will be 'declined' but it's a technicality. It will be an 'unauthorised absence' but nobody will care and if I was her teacher I would hope she had a lovely day and ask her about it when she got back.

mrsbitaly · 27/02/2022 08:50

@user1469770863

Retired reception class teacher here. Please take her. Your little girl's education will be made up of so many things. She may miss a tiny bit of school based learning for the one day, but she will gain so much more .. the narrow boat trip ( how exciting, and I recommend you read to her 'Snowy', a lovely children book about a child who lived on one) also the reinforcement that she is part of a multi-generational family who love her and want her to be part of a special day. Please take her... I would have said this to any of the thousands of children I taught over a thirty five year career.

This is lovely- take this advice!

YellowDots · 27/02/2022 08:52

If it's a Friday you could say she wasn't well if it really made you feel better about it. But I honestly wouldn't' bother. It will be fine Then if she talks about it at school it will be assumed it was a weekend day out.

SavoyCabbage · 27/02/2022 08:55

I was once in a primary school classroom and a shiny happy faced boy burst in to the room and shouted 'I won't be coming to school today, I'm going fishing' and ran out again. And the teacher called after him 'have a lovely day'.

NeverAgainSam · 27/02/2022 09:01

My Year 10 child got a day authorised for exactly this reason. If you but some fluff when you email the school about "learning the value of multi-generational family" and "important family celebration" then the Headteacher can fit it into an "authorised" category. Probably. But even if it is "unauthorised" it just means it is one letter in the register rather than another. It doesn't mean you are being told off/cannot take her. It is just admin.

cameocat · 27/02/2022 09:03

In my school this would be authorised as an exceptional circumstance, especially if she has good attendance. A lovely experience for her and her great grandparent.

JuergenSchwarzwald · 27/02/2022 09:04

I would normally say no but not for that sort of event and for a child that age (and although some headteachers will claim otherwise, they absolutely can allow time off for an event like this).

Troublesometooth · 27/02/2022 09:04

Don’t “request” it, just inform them.

“X will be absent from school on … due to a family event.”

They will mark it in the register as unauthorised and then it won’t be mentioned again.

I’m taking my reception age son to Disneyland for 3 days. I informed the school of my intentions, they wished us a lovely time while noting the absence will be unauthorised.

ChocolateMassacre · 27/02/2022 09:05

She's in reception. While I agree that it is a very important year to lay the foundations of future learning, what is she going to learn that will make up for the missed chance to spend a day on a narrowboat?

I imagine this is the sort of thing that schools might organise a school trip to see and the parents would think it was a wonderful idea.

GettingLardy · 27/02/2022 09:08

Just do it! But don't lie to the school as there is no way she won't keep it a secret when she goes back. (Retired teacher who has lots of experience with this!)

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 27/02/2022 09:09

@Samantha312

I would love her to go, I just don’t know how to go about it. If I request it it will be declined anyway?

You know they can't stop you? It's o a case of declining it's that they can't count it as authorised absence. Don't ask just email and say that your child won't be in school on that date and say why

No more than that, don't as for permission

toomuchlaundry · 27/02/2022 09:10

If it’s a milestone birthday I would take out. If MIL then starts asking them to have the day off for random birthdays of various relatives I would have a word and decline invitations

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 27/02/2022 09:15

Definitely go.

I often missed the odd day of school at the end of term as my family were in Australia and it was almost half the price to fly out on the Thursday then say, the Saturday.

My headteacher never formally approved it but often sent a letter home telling us to have a great time

Wheelz46 · 27/02/2022 09:16

Chances are it will be declined but you can choose to keep her off anyway and it will go down as unauthorised absence.

I have no personal experience with unauthorised absence but from what other parents have mentioned you only get fined for 5 days unauthorised absence.

If I chose to take my child out of school, I wouldn't lie as then that puts the onus on the child to lie and to me that just seems wrong. Can you imagine, the teachers asking the child if they are feeling better.

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