We had dinner last night with a couple of friends we hadn't seen for a long time and we were talking about all the things we'd been through over the years we've know each other.
When DP and I got together I arrived with a fairly clean slate. I'd already been through some of the more complicated things in life: my parents had both died young, I'd looked after my mum through the last year of her cancer and I'd ended up losing my home when my long-term relationship came to an end. So I was starting out fresh and unencumbered when DP and I met.
DP had been separated for a year and was about to start self-building a new home. We had a lovely first few months before the shit hit the fan and all the stress of a self-build, plus DP's acrimonious divorce, hit. We weathered that, with me providing support.
Then DP started a business and invited an old friend to be a partner. It took off quickly and they made serious money — at which point the old friend tried to take the whole business for himself and dump DP. The legal wrangling and civil court proceedings went on for four excruciating years, with the threat of bankruptcy hanging over DP. DP won, but it cost £150k, broke the business and left us both depressed and worn down.
Then DP's parents, in their late 70s, began to ail. Almost every time we had a holiday due, DP's dad would have a heart attack or a TIA: he had nine in all! DP's mum started to develop dementia. DP's family are in Scotland and DP was up and down most months for years. Until the mother died nearly three years ago barely a week went by without some new complication or emergency. This went on for more than seven years. We spent Christmas apart year after year. We'd organise Christmas with my family or friends, then there'd be an emergency with the in-laws and I'd be celebrating with the dog.
Throughout this my own life has been quite calm. I've been really fortunate to able to earn a decent living without much drama and we've had some lovely times when things have worked out well. I'm glad DP had such close, loving relationships with PiL and MiL. Although some of the things that happened to us as a result of OH's business and family have been a burden I don't feel resentful. I wish things had been easier, of course.
Anyway, last night we were having dinner with old friends who've known us for nearly 20 years and we all talked about some of the things we'd been through and one of them said, just fleetingly, to DP that it was lucky I'd been on the scene to offer support during the difficult times. On the way home in the car DP gave me a little speech about me not being the only one to have to put up with a lot. I was then told that I'm not the easiest person in the world to live with. Apparently many's the time DP has felt like leaving me. I asked for examples of why I'm so difficult to live with. The main complaint seems to be that I'm no fun.
Is it really much of a surprise that I'm not much fun (which I don't thin is true) when I've had years of worry about the business situation, all the hundreds of unpaid hours acting as builder's mate on the self-build, the Christmases spent alone because at the last minute PiL or MiL needed DP's presence, the holidays cancelled, all the sleepless nights?
All the times I've gritted my teeth and just got on with whatever's needed to get us through. I don't complain, I don't criticise. And now here we are. AIBU to feel really hurt? Anyone else out there with a partner for whom nothing ever seems to be easy?