To ask if social anxiety has ruined anyone else's life?

[kingtonne]

This is how I basically feel. Along with the social anxiety I also have extremely low self esteem and low self confidence.

This wasn't just in the teen years - I was like this from my earliest memories, when I was in nursery. I have missed out on some key social development which Im.not sure I can ever recover without.

Its affected every aspect of my life negatively - friends, housing, jobs and finance, partners (I've only had one!).
I feel like a failure as I watch my peers in lovely homes with good jobs and happy families. I know I shouldn't compare but I can't help it. I'm on the bottom ladder of society just about making ends meet.

I have tried therapy / CBT several times but nothing has worked. I used to grasp on to a thread of hope that I might be able to change but that has long gone.

I don't know anyone else like me and feel like a failure most of the time.

People are people, there are quiet people who are deep and thoughtful and quiet people with no personality. It's never going to be as simple as quiet equals this and loud equals that.

@JaniieJones

I'm sorry, you're trying to backpeddle but your comment was very clear: you said (and I quote): "The loud self proclaimed 'bubbly' people are usually a right self obsessed pita and best avoided."

No one disagrees with your fundamental point that trying to urge someone who is quiet or anxious out of their shell is not a constructive solution. And everyone on this thread sympathises with the OP.

But you've basically pigeonholed anyone who has any degree of social confidence as a "PITA". Suggesting that anyone who isn't crippled by anxiety or very introverted is boring, can't read a room, has no ability to listen etc.

Its a grotesque over-simplification and its totally lacking in self-awareness in itself. A lot of the most superficially extrovert people I know do struggle with social anxiety, they just manage it in a different way. Then there are plenty of people who do enjoy social contact and are reasonably socially confident but are empathetic and self-aware.

Painting all of these people as dull and a PITA is just as bad as anything which the OP has suffered from. TBH its hard to escape the conclusion that you're just envious.

This is me. I remember being about 7 and thinking how everyone seemed to know what they should be doing socially and I just felt clueless. Out of my depth and stressed by it. My dds are autistic and also struggle. I’ve been told before I come across as aloof and cold by people. It masks a really deep shyness. Have you tried DBT?

Yes, absolutely yes.
I'm now in my mid 40s. I had loads of CBT and therapy through the years which helped but I still felt very abnormal.
I'd say in the last 5 yrs or so it's got better. Combination of factors including age / experience / perspective / professional success/ made a couple of true friends.
I don't fret over all the years wasted but I do feel sad about my school years.
Hopefully it will ease up for you at some point OP.

Social anxiety spoiled things for me when I was young kingtonne but fortunately I seem to have grown out of it. I was so incredibly anxious, such a worrier and I was teased/bullied at work too which made me feel worthless. With many experiences of life behind me I have gained some confidence and can actually hold a conversation with stranger - something which confident people take for granted. I hope things get better for you but please don't beat yourself up about it.