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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are these comments not nice ? Or am I being too sensitive?

89 replies

Userdeniedit99 · 25/02/2022 18:28

Friend says the following to me:
Userdeniedit99 ate all the starters (said to rest of group we were out with). She actually ate it all
Userdeniedit99 put that on friends phone. Infact, she did, not me
Userdeniedit99 is the eldest in the group (said to some blokes we were chatting to). She's actually the eldest

OP posts:

UnsuitableHat · 07/03/2022 05:14

She sounds weird. Does she have redeeming features as a mate? Definitely start saying no a bit more. The Amazon Prime request sounds like a good place to start.

BorderlineHappy · 07/03/2022 05:46

Don't go to the show.
She booked it on purpose to put you back in your place.

And surely the rest of the group seen her eat the food.

GreenFingeredNell15 · 07/03/2022 05:52

Shes not your friend

Stop thinking that she is

Teddeh · 07/03/2022 06:22

I don't think "nice" or "not nice" is relevant here. Based on what you've said, your friend is giving out misinformation - in the first two cases she clearly knows she is telling lies, in the last perhaps she does not know that she's mistaken. In all cases, you should correct her, preferably in front of the person or people who have received the misinformation.

UseOfWeapons · 07/03/2022 07:00

She’s not your friend. She’s using you. Abandon this relationship and define your boundaries in any new friendship.

FrecklesMalone · 07/03/2022 07:03

I hope to fuck you said no about the Spotify and Netflix accounts.

Justilou1 · 07/03/2022 07:17

I think a raised eyebrow and “Are you finished?” would be a good reposte

DrSbaitso · 07/03/2022 07:23

[quote Userdeniedit99]@SugarAndCoffee my friend actually ate the food. Not me.
I've been a pushover for far too long. I've never challenged her. She sees me as a weak target for sure. Last week I started to push back. She had suggested booking a show for us. Originally it was a mid day show which was fine and I said to go ahead and book. Now I learn she's booked a very late show. I can still go, but that that's not the point. She booked the late showing without checking with me. it means I will get home at gone midnight and I have work the next day. I made it clear I had the arse with her. I think she was surprised. She will be seeing more of this from me when she puts me down/blames me/ uses me as her sidekick. Trying to be strong and push back. It's not easy as it's not in my nature[/quote]
She shouldn't be seeing any of it because you should have cut and run from this long ago.

Why are women so often "friends" with people they can't stand? It's not nice and kind and virtuous. It's dishonest, destructive and toxic.

RantyAunty · 07/03/2022 07:26

Time to break up with this non friend.

Your life would be less stressful without her nonsense.

AWillhelmBobs · 07/03/2022 07:28

I agree with everyone on this thread, OP, shoot her down.

Not to hijack but dd has a friend who has recently started doing exactly this. She accuses dd in from of others to have done x, y, z. DD and her are very close and usually get on. What can dd say in response? For example she says "Ava (not real name) made us lose the game because she is slow" and stuff like that, putting dd down with things that are actually not even true.

Any come backs for this sort of things?

AWillhelmBobs · 07/03/2022 07:29

(they are 9 & 10)

MRex · 07/03/2022 07:33

She's unpleasant to you, so clearly doesn't like you. You don't like her behaviour, so you don't like her. This is very dysfunctional and is not by any stretch of imagination a friendship. So cancel the evening show (you didn't ask for that time so let her find someone who can make it), stop seeing her, stop talking to her, go and make actual friends.

WildfirePonie · 07/03/2022 07:41

Wouldnt life be better with this "friend"?

Shoxfordian · 07/03/2022 07:44

It can be jokey though; I might say comments like this to have some fun with my friend; they can equally joke back. We’re not all quite so sensitive though.

ReceptionParty · 07/03/2022 07:51

@Shoxfordian

It can be jokey though; I might say comments like this to have some fun with my friend; they can equally joke back. We’re not all quite so sensitive though.

This isn’t sounding like a joke though is it? What is so hilarious about telling a group of strangers that your friend is older than you? It’s just a really weird put down.

Lurking9to5 · 07/03/2022 07:54

I'd go. You can hopefully stay in the group. Keep an eye on her comments. If she says something mean say ''ouch''.

If she insinuates you're posting gossip on line or something say ''I feel like you're saying i posted gossip on line, is that your intention?''

Just show a bit of spine, but not too much too quickly or she'll be FURIOUS and smear you and exclude you.

Teeny tiny bit of potential backbone is what you want to show here. She sounds like a covert narcissist trying to ''level''.

You're the oldest big deal, somebody has to be. She sounds insecure but that doesn't mean she can't be lethal

Lurking9to5 · 07/03/2022 07:59

@userdeniedit99 don't give her your netfilx or amazon prime passwords. NO WAY

If she keeps asking say ''i feel like I must have misheard''.
''I thought I heard you ask for my passwords, ha ha''
If she repeats it say ''i think I misheard you there''

CourtRand · 07/03/2022 08:03

She's not a friend love, she's a leech. Ditch her fgs!

Ponoka7 · 07/03/2022 08:04

@AWillhelmBobs, you advised the OP to shoot her down, you tell your DD to do the same. Teach her how to challenge what is being said and to stand up for herself. Don't bring her up with the idea that girls have to be nice and not upset anyone.

Shoxfordian · 07/03/2022 08:06

Yeah the age thing is a bit weird but some people like to pretend they’re younger than they are

I don’t think most of the comments are that bad although the person doesn’t sound cool from the other posts

GoodForTheSoul · 07/03/2022 08:09

Why do people do this to themselves? I struggle to make time for people I actually like! Fuck would I waste time in someone who is such a cunt.

OP, there is no point in you saying "she'll be seeing more of it from me". You should be moving on with your life and getting some real friends to spend time with.

DrierThanANunsNasty · 07/03/2022 08:10

Stick her straight in the bin. She is not your friend, she’s taking the piss.

Ragruggers · 07/03/2022 08:14

Why bother with her.Say no in a loud voice she will be shocked , you have been a pushover.The more you confront her the easier it gets.If nothing changes just stop speaking.She sounds awful and a user.

Alondra · 07/03/2022 08:15

@incognitoforthisone

Once again, I'm amazed at how many people have 'friends' they don't actually like. This woman's clearly horrible to you and you, understandably, hate her for it.

She doesn't like you. You don't like her. Why are you spending time together?

This.

I'm always amazed at the amount of crap and abusive behaviour some people will take because they are "friends". OP, you admit you are being a pushover and a doormat, it's up to you to stop being one. MN can't do it for you.

Landedonfeet · 07/03/2022 08:17

This is so odd

What’s wrong with being eldest?
What’s wrong with putting something on someone’s phone?

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