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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Cancelled sleepover - one hours notice?

96 replies

UpintNorth · 25/02/2022 18:22

Just that really, usually very generous friends, have had our kids numerous times. I’ve offered to reciprocate, but their kids won’t sleep away from home. Half term, declined other invites for a much anticipated sleepover. Friends have texted to say “can we rearrange, not much time to play and we are going out mid morning tomorrow”. Kids bags both packed - both looking forward to it - both now gutted. Am hastily arranging a family film night. AIBU here to be annoyed? I checked with them at 9:30am that was still going ahead?

OP posts:
WhatsitWiggle · 25/02/2022 19:01

Disappointing for the kids, but I'd assume something has happened that they don't want to disclose.

@bluetrews25 my daughter won't sleep elsewhere, she gets too anxious about feeling ill in the middle of the night and not being able to tell anyone. The only place she's comfortable is my brother and SILs, no other friends or relatives. She's 14 and if anything it's got worse not better as she's got older.

Candleabra · 25/02/2022 19:01

I must say though, even if their kids don’t like sleeping over, it’s very wearing if you’re constantly giving a one sided favour. Are you sure you haven’t taken advantage and they’re pulling back a bit?

Margot78 · 25/02/2022 19:02

My child suffers from anxiety and I’ve had to cancel things last minute. I can’t explain why because she would hate anyone knowing. I know it’s annoying having to deal with the disappointment but please please don’t be angry at them. Chances are there’s more to it that they can’t share. I personally hate the pressure of sleepovers!

Luredbyapomegranate · 25/02/2022 19:04

You aren't being unreasonable to be irritated.

BUT if they have your kids a lot they have the credit to do a last minuter. Who knows what the real reason is, maybe they just had a screaming row and couldn't face it.

Send her a chirpy note and let it go.

HollowTalk · 25/02/2022 19:06

Maybe her kids have been naughty and this was a punishment.

Nanny0gg · 25/02/2022 19:08

@HollowTalk

Maybe her kids have been naughty and this was a punishment.
Which would be very unfair on the guests

Children's punishments should never involve other children.

I'm with the 'parents have had a row' camp

Fabricedesauveterre · 25/02/2022 19:16

Maybe they think as your kids regularly sleep over they won’t mind a last minute cancellation

notacooldad · 25/02/2022 19:21

I remember cancelling DS sleepover years ago at short notice. His behaviour was horrendous and escalating. He didn’t deserve to have friends round and have a nice time quite frankly. I don’t regret cancelling.

It hasn’t done any harm. My lad and the mate have gone into the city for a gig and me and the child’s ( now big adult pushing 30) mum had afternoon tea this week to plan our holiday later in the year

It’ll blow over.

notacooldad · 25/02/2022 19:25
  • Which would be very unfair on the guests

Children's punishments should never involve other children
Absolute tosh!

The sleep over was postponed, it is a simple as that.

Kids disappointed? They’ll get over it.
As long as it was a one off it’s fine. If happens again I wouldn’t be so understanding and wouldn’t agree to another one.

Holly60 · 25/02/2022 19:28

@Jedsnewstar

Parents have had a barny.
Yup that’s what I thought
FacebookPhotos · 25/02/2022 19:32

Children's punishments should never involve other children

Sometimes there’s no choice. If your child’s behaviour is really bad and showing no signs of improving sometimes it is necessary to prevent the other children being very upset or even physically hurt.

TatianaBis · 25/02/2022 19:34

I don't think parents have had a row I think they're just flaky & self-centred who - oh whoops need to cancel because they cba/decided to do something else.

Mybumlooksbig · 25/02/2022 19:34

What kind of friends have your kids that regularly.... my friends have mine for an hour or two and need a year to recover Grin

Thewindwhispers · 25/02/2022 19:35

If that’s really the reason then that is extremely lame.

However the only time I gave a last min cancellation wtih such a lame excuse, the real reason was that DH and I had had a massive row and I was in tears and bit hard to host guests like that.

OhWhyNot · 25/02/2022 19:36

Well as your children do stay over quite often I would let it go

And be thankful you have this set up

tammyjess · 25/02/2022 19:37

That really sucks. It probably wouldn't help but I know I would want to say something. I hate disappointed little faces ;(

BantersaurusSex · 25/02/2022 19:43

@Bluetrews25

I'd be more interested in why their DCs will never sleep out.

But, yes, agree with others. Something Significant will have happened. Don't be cross with them.

That's the way some children are, in my very lengthy experience. It means nothing at all.

Agree that if they are normally good friends, then I wouldn't worry about it. Hope you and your DC have a lovely film night!

pictish · 25/02/2022 19:47

@Thewindwhispers

If that’s really the reason then that is extremely lame.

However the only time I gave a last min cancellation wtih such a lame excuse, the real reason was that DH and I had had a massive row and I was in tears and bit hard to host guests like that.

Yep. A row stops play.
DryOldCaper · 25/02/2022 19:52

@tammyjess

That really sucks. It probably wouldn't help but I know I would want to say something. I hate disappointed little faces ;(
Why would you say something though, if the friends are usually very generous and have had the OP’s kids on sleep-overs many times (but never reciprocated)?

You would come across extremely badly.

It’s super disappointing for the kids, for sure. But it’s the parents job to gee them up, and move on from the disappointment.

Frazzled2207 · 25/02/2022 20:04

Yanbu to be annoyed but as pp said I suspect there’s more going on and if they are good and generous friends generally I’d not say anything else for now.

Ducksurprise · 25/02/2022 20:06

I'd be more interested in why their DCs will never sleep out.

I wouldn't, some kids just don't like it. Two of mine never went to sleepovers, even as adults they prefer to come home (their own homes now) than stay over.

Agree with something happening, and I also never book places that I can't easily cancel when kids are at friends.

phishy · 25/02/2022 20:09

I can’t believe you started a thread after they’ve generously hosted your kids for multiple sleepovers, without reciprocation (albeit at their choice).

Are you sure your kids are respectful guests?

JaffavsCookie · 25/02/2022 20:10

Nobody likes disappointing kids, but actually in the long run it is beneficial for their mental health to have a disappointment and get through it, then never to be exposed to any adversity.
Hope tonight is going ok OP

Boombastic22 · 25/02/2022 20:12

Given it’s a regular occurrence (lucky you!) I think it really is not a big deal!

KylieCharlene · 25/02/2022 20:16

They still are 'very generous' friends.
Something has come up on this occasion and they can't host.
Yes, it would have been nice to know at 9:30am but life doesn't work like that plus you'd still have been peeved you were missing your child-free night had you known this morning.
There's nothing you can do or say unless you want to risk upsetting them.
I wouldn't.

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