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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU over not being invited to the party?

57 replies

bakedbeanz1 · 25/02/2022 11:46

I've been friends with this woman for years and we had booked a trip away together in 2021. It got moved from 2021 to 2022 and landed on the week of her 40th. She's single and childfree so I checked she was happy with the date change and she said 'as long as you promise to make a proper fuss of me!".

We are away for 5 days and her birthday is in the middle of the trip. I found out through a mutual friend that she has booked a party for two days after we come back. It's a pub so she's not paying per head and it's about 10 minutes from my house.

I asked her why I wasn't invited and she said its because we're going away that week. We do have mutual friends that have been invited.

Is it unreasonable to be a bit hurt/annoyed by this? I'm also now not sure what to do for her actual birthday.

OP posts:
HangOnToYourself · 25/02/2022 11:48

Very odd not to invite you, how is your friendship otherwise? Is there anyone going you dont get on with?

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/02/2022 11:48

Of course YANBU. She’s being weird and mean

Original poster
bakedbeanz1 · 25/02/2022 11:49

@HangOnToYourself

Very odd not to invite you, how is your friendship otherwise? Is there anyone going you dont get on with?
I thought it was good! Nope, no beef with anyone at the party and one person is more my friend than hers.
OP posts:
Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 25/02/2022 11:49

Can you take a real friend away? She isn't one.

Original poster
bakedbeanz1 · 25/02/2022 11:58

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Can you take a real friend away? She isn't one.
She paid for her half as this trip wasn't originally "for" her birthday.
OP posts:
HangOnToYourself · 25/02/2022 11:59

I'd find it very hard to speak to her let alone make a fuss of her 🙈

Justcallmebebes · 25/02/2022 12:06

That's a bit mean, odd and petty. If I wanted to be mean, odd and petty back I'd completely ignore her birthday on the day. Might make the last couple of days of your holiday a bit awkward, but who needs friends like that?

LittleOwl153 · 25/02/2022 12:07

I'd assume shes no friend. I'd go kn the holiday. Are you sharing accommodation. If not us just do it solo and leave her to it. If you are I'd just treat it as you planned to before the date moved. Maybe take a card - but shes chosen to celebrate her birthday with friends afterwards. I'd maybe plan a solo trip out on the day - just to keep out of her way.

LagunaBubbles · 25/02/2022 12:09

That excuse doesn't even make sense, you will be back in time to be able to go to party.

gamerchick · 25/02/2022 12:10

Well you can tell her that since she's booked a party she doesn't need a fuss on the actual day now. Unless she's only having a party for the gifts and knows you won't be giving 2.

I don't think I could spend a holiday with someone with that reasoning tbh.

Lime37 · 25/02/2022 12:11

Tbh I would be asking her if she knows anyone who would buy your ticket. She’s not a friend. Or if you know anyone who could replace her maybe

Original poster
bakedbeanz1 · 25/02/2022 12:11

@LagunaBubbles

That excuse doesn't even make sense, you will be back in time to be able to go to party.
I think the reasoning was more that we would have already celebrated her birthday.
OP posts:
Queenkarm · 25/02/2022 12:13

OP this must be really hurtful. I am not sure I could go on holiday with her now(ok I know that is churlish) but she wants you to make a fuss of her on her birthday but you are not invited to her party???? Just because you 2 have been on holiday what made her come to that conclusion. Absolutely bizarre.

1FootInTheRave · 25/02/2022 12:14

I absolutely wouldn't be celebrating her birthday on the hol.

And what kind of twat asks someone to make a massive fuss of them?

RampantIvy · 25/02/2022 12:16

I wouldn't make a fuss on her actual birthday. Maybe get her a card. If you aren't a good enough friend to be invited to her birthdayparty then you don't need to buy her a present.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 25/02/2022 12:16

That's just weird! If you're good enough a friend to go on holiday with then you're good enough to go to her party surely? It doesn't make any sense! I see you've already asked her about it. How's it been left?

NameGoesHere · 25/02/2022 12:20

Sounds like she wants you to pay for everything on the weekend away. CF!

Original poster
bakedbeanz1 · 25/02/2022 12:21

@sparepantsandtoothbrush

That's just weird! If you're good enough a friend to go on holiday with then you're good enough to go to her party surely? It doesn't make any sense! I see you've already asked her about it. How's it been left?
It's been left as, I'm still not invited to the party.

I'd feel terrible not doing anything on her 40th even if she doesn't feel terrible excluding me from the party.

OP posts:
Movingonup22 · 25/02/2022 12:24

I’d cancel the trip tbh

Original poster
bakedbeanz1 · 25/02/2022 12:27

@Movingonup22

I’d cancel the trip tbh
It's my holiday as well and its non refundable.
OP posts:
Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 25/02/2022 12:30

Is covid not a reason to claim money back? Throwing more money at it by going would be more money wasted imo.

Mooloolabababy · 25/02/2022 12:31

Wow, that really is shit behaviour on her behalf, why wouldn't she invite you? Just because you'll be away for her birthday together, doesn't mean that it's ok to not invite you. I don't know anyone who would do this, certainly not anyone I would call a friend anyway. It would really put me off wanting to be her friend, let alone go away with her!

WouldIwasShookspeared · 25/02/2022 12:31

She wouldn't be getting her pampered princess day that's for sure

Happy birthday, gift, treat her to lunch. If she says anything, say she's got her party to look forward to 😁

TigerLilyTail · 25/02/2022 12:31

People are weird. Just go and have a nice holiday. Don't let it bother you.

RampantIvy · 25/02/2022 12:32

Is she always this socially unaware?
Seriously, downplay her birthday and don't make a fuss about her. You aren't important enough to invite to a party, therefore she isn't important enough for you to make a big deal about her birthday.

Is this trip abroad? And are you sharing a room?

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