AIBU over not being invited to the party?

[bakedbeanz1]

I've been friends with this woman for years and we had booked a trip away together in 2021. It got moved from 2021 to 2022 and landed on the week of her 40th. She's single and childfree so I checked she was happy with the date change and she said 'as long as you promise to make a proper fuss of me!".

We are away for 5 days and her birthday is in the middle of the trip. I found out through a mutual friend that she has booked a party for two days after we come back. It's a pub so she's not paying per head and it's about 10 minutes from my house.

I asked her why I wasn't invited and she said its because we're going away that week. We do have mutual friends that have been invited.

Is it unreasonable to be a bit hurt/annoyed by this? I'm also now not sure what to do for her actual birthday.

So she'll be away with you on her actual birthday and for two days either side? It kind of makes sense to me that she wants to focus on seeing her other friends afterwards.

Do you really want to be invited now as an afterthought/guilt trip, though?

@GoodnessTruthBeauty

What the hell is wrong with people?

Exactly my thought, why be so hurtful

See if you can meet someone nice at the bar and take them on the day trip instead of her. She sounds intolerable.

@PeacefulPrune

I would have to have another talk with her before I went on holiday with her otherwise it will feel so tense or it would feel like a ticking time bomb.

Does she mean she didn't itnbite because you're already celebrating with her so she forgot toninvit but you can come or is she saying you can't come?

After me asking why I wasn't invited she still didn't invite me.

Another friend has told me it's possibly because she thinks we'll have spent too much time together but it's the nature of the party (mutual friends, she's not providing a sitdown meal) that I think it's really off that she didn't ask me.

Are you sure there's not someone at the party that doesn't like you or would be awkward around you. An ex or an old flame?

Do you think she knows it's upset you?

@picklemewalnuts

I can see her point, to be honest, and it's not at all a slight. She'll have spent the previous week with you, including celebrating with you on the day. When she gets back she'll catch up with the friends and family she couldn't see on the day.

I wouldn't read it as being left out at all, but as having already been covered.

You don't really 'catch up' at a party. you just have a good time!

I think she's being a cow

I wouldn't "make a big fuss out of her" on holiday. As others have said, she can have a gift and you can go out for a meal with her on the day - just mind she doesn't insist on an expensive place and expect you to pay.