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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think school have over reacted

284 replies

worriedmum2022 · 24/02/2022 09:24

So my girls are 7 and 9 and they were playing at home and got a bit rough, my husband separated them and one of them had hold of a game in a plastic box.

The girls were fighting over who had the box husband intervened the side of the box had split and youngest 7 year old daughter got a cut on her hand. Cleaned up, girls spoken too all sorted job done

Yesterday the headteacher of dd7 rang my husband at work to say she asked dd why she had a plaster on her hand and she said daddy snatched a box off me and it cut me

She has reported this as a safeguarding concern

I mean I get they have a duty of care but this just seems a total over-reaction

No previous issues or incidents with the school but my husband is worried sick as he works where he has to have a DBS and he's worried this will be on his record

Can anyone offer any advice on this type of thing?

OP posts:
PriamFarrl · 05/03/2022 21:05

@RosesAndHellebores

Personally I think schools should focus on teaching. It's regrettable so many don't And if any school teacher thinks their remit may exceed that, they may at all times ensure the speak to every single parent as their adult equal.
So a child who comes in filthy dirty, covered in bruises and hungry should just be ignored?
bellac11 · 05/03/2022 21:05

@restingbitchface30

I got reported to social services because a child told my son to pinch a girls bum so he did, when he was 5. I think it’s difficult for schools especially when there are so many incidents of child neglect in the news. But in this case I think the school overreacted.
I think one of the things that causes problems as well is language like this.

You didnt get 'reported' to SSd, your son was referred. The reason is because sometimes, not always, children touching other children or themselves in that way can be an indicator that the child is being abused. People are talking as if the action is about them as parents, this is about safeguarding the child

PriamFarrl · 05/03/2022 21:06

@Pinkfluff76

This bloody awful country we live in. You can’t break up a fight between your own kids in the privacy of your own home without it being a problem. Makes my blood boil. Now you all suffer trauma because a teacher asked about a plaster, just ridiculous. Good luck OP hope you get sorted out quickly 💗
Odfod.

People on this thread talking about abused children in the news and then others saying teachers shouldn’t report anything. Which is it to be?

Kitkat151 · 05/03/2022 21:07

@RosesAndHellebores

Personally I think schools should focus on teaching. It's regrettable so many don't And if any school teacher thinks their remit may exceed that, they may at all times ensure the speak to every single parent as their adult equal.
🙄Post ....but as They...Lyon can’t argue with stupid
Greenandcabbagelooking · 05/03/2022 21:13

I'm sure 99% of the things I log on my school safeguarding system are nothing to be concerned about. But I'd rather log 99 things that are fine, than miss 1 that isn't.

For example: teenage boys says he's hungry because he had no breakfast and no dinner. Quite concerning so I logged it.

Upon gentle questioning, he'd had no breakfast because he woke up late, and he'd had no dinner because he didn't want the nice meal his dad had cooked, and he wouldn't let him order pizza so he had to have toast. His dinner was available throughout.

One cut hand is probably not an issue. But it might be part of a bigger picture.

Pinkfluff76 · 05/03/2022 21:19

This really has made me see red on so many levels:
Surely SS have a backlog since lockdowns but yet they’re so quick with this one.
Why did the school let a 7 year old be interrogated for a hour?
Did the school tell the parents about the SS visit to school?
Who was in the meeting with the child?
Why don’t they do their job properly so that abused kids don’t die of grievous multiple injuries instead of a plaster over a scratch?

Pinkfluff76 · 05/03/2022 21:22

@PriamFarrl I never said anything about not reporting anything but if a teacher is smart enough to teach our kids then surely they’re smart enough to tell the difference between a scratch on a child that’s had no previous issues, and a real problem?!

PriamFarrl · 05/03/2022 21:28

[quote Pinkfluff76]@PriamFarrl I never said anything about not reporting anything but if a teacher is smart enough to teach our kids then surely they’re smart enough to tell the difference between a scratch on a child that’s had no previous issues, and a real problem?![/quote]
And that teacher has decided it is important enough, as have SS in this case. How is the teacher to know there are no previous problems? How do they know that the neighbour, scoutmaster and sports club leader also haven’t reported anything?

The whole ‘makes my blood boil’ and ‘bloody awful country’ bollocks is pure Daily Mail.

Fedupsotired · 05/03/2022 21:32

I find this odd that it's escalated with no other concerns. The head cannot have been happy with the answer she had after phoning. It doesn't make sense

Pinkfluff76 · 05/03/2022 21:54

@PriamFarrl
Pure Daily Mail… I don’t even know what that means. I definitely don’t read the daily mail if that’s what you’re implying

Namechangeroo1234 · 05/03/2022 23:15

Safeguarding is everyone's responsibility. The world needs to realise this. There's been so many awful things that have happened.
It may seem an overreaction to you- but imagine if it was a child who suffered terribly at home, an adult picking up the slightest inclination of anything could he the difference for them. It needs to be assessed. Thank fully, most of the time, it's kids being kids, but sometimes it's not and personally I'd be grateful for someone paying attention to my children and not brushing anything off.

LahndonTown · 05/03/2022 23:56

Ex DBS staff - don't worry about this being disclosed.

LahndonTown · 05/03/2022 23:58

As in, it wouldn't.

mylifestory · 06/03/2022 01:24

Many schools have over zealous teachers who report things like this. They're probably doing it left, right and centre with lots of kids there. Make sure you ask,lots,of questions by e-mail so u have it all in writing. They'll be making stuff up next and you may not even be aware theyre reporting it. its very common so pls kick up a fuss! I was once reported to social services by a deputy fuckwit as my daughter went to school with a big graze on her knee, they called me and asked why, so i told them she had done it at a school netball match a couple of days before, I'd been there (thank god) and so had her teacher so the school maybe shdve checked their records first before accusing me!

Malibuismysecrethome · 06/03/2022 07:51

I don’t think any of us would mind being reported etc if so many children who really need intervention and help were not being missed.

Malibuismysecrethome · 06/03/2022 07:54

PriamFarri of course an abused, neglected, bruised child should be reported, no one is saying otherwise. After all, it’s what Chikd Protection is for.

PriamFarrl · 06/03/2022 08:20

@Malibuismysecrethome

I don’t think any of us would mind being reported etc if so many children who really need intervention and help were not being missed.
You don’t get it do you.

Who is to know who the children are who really need help? How do you tell? That’s not the call of the teacher.

StScholastica · 06/03/2022 08:37

@Ohyesiam

This isn’t how safe guarding should work. The school should be keeping your daughter’s confidentiality. Imagine if your husband was cruel, the schools actions could have escalated it.
This is so wrong. Imagine if a school kept a long record of "incidents" about your child that you knew nothing about. The first that you knew might be when SS turned up to remove them. Schools have to be open and honest, it protects everyone.
StScholastica · 06/03/2022 08:42

We got a call from school once because DS told the teacher I'd taken him to a killers concert, the night before. She thought the killers were not an appropriate group for a young teen Grin

GabriellaMontez · 06/03/2022 09:11

Hope you've had some results OP. Once again the school misjudges a situation while somewhere there's always another awful failure of CP story.

Backachesandheadaches · 06/03/2022 09:22

Schools don't tend to report things like this unless your DD has said something that is concerning. 'Daddy snatched a box and it cut me' isn't a reason to report. Accidents happen, imagine if schools reported every single accident a child has at home social care would be inundated with calls/paperwork. The very fact that social services are now involved suggests your DD has told them (the school) a very different account of things, social services also usually talk to parents first before going to visit in school so something must of been said by your DD that equates to serious abuse for them to not contact you first.

Seeking legal advice is fine but it can also backfire on you and make you look guilty and like you have something to hide. You aren't being made out to be criminals you are under assessment to see if you or your husband are abusing your child. It's safe guarding protocol. As for the questions asked such as do you and daddy go out that's to see if you have a babysitter/family member look after them whilst your out in case you are leaving them home alone or even worse if your trusted relative/babysitter are abusing them. Do you smoke? They want to know if you smoke in your home or if you smoke outside in the garden, do you have lots of visitors? That's them looking to see if anyone coming to your house could be abusing them. The questions they've asked sort of point to an accusation of someone abusing your child. If school had no concerns prior to this then unfortunately the only person it's come from is your DD and whatever she's told school and social care.

liveforsummer · 06/03/2022 09:39

Many schools have over zealous teachers who report things like this. They're probably doing it left, right and centre with lots of kids there.

But it takes a lot more than just an over zealous teacher to get to the point in this situation. The report does not go straight to social services. For me as a TA I'd share the information on a need to know basis. The the teacher, anyone else who works closely with the child and ultimately the head teacher who the report goes to. They decide what to do next and generally that is to file it away. Our child protection training makes it clear that it's important all people close to the child are aware as if not other things that don't seem important in isolation can build a picture. I believe in England it's slightly different and goes to a safeguarding lead again it's their call what to do next and they will certainly recognise if a teacher is constantly raising minor concerns as serious ones. The next stage is to share with other agencies who will almost never send out a social worker based on an isolated incident. The bar is scarily high for that. It's more common for a parent to receive a phone call and if social services still aren't satisfied, maybe a home visit. There are just so many steps in between saying daddy did something and out of the blue undisclosed as visits that there's no way it's just the result of a teacher getting carried away

milkysmum · 06/03/2022 09:58

The school must have other concerns, or dd must have reported the incident to teacher in a way that differs to the way you are reporting OP.
I work attached to family safeguarding team ( used to be known as child protection services in this area ) and social worker would be coming out as they were concerned about safeguarding issues.
Do you know what team the social worker is attached to?
I would also echo what another poster had said that immediately getting legal involved seems odd at this point, and overly defensive to be honest.

lollipoprainbow · 06/03/2022 10:13

I had a call from the Senco lead (dd has asd) to say they my dd teacher had noticed a red mark on my daughters side when her trousers rode up slightly. She had a burn mark where her hot water bottle had given her a small blister. I didn't think much of it at the time but now I realise she is also the safeguarding lead so this is obviously why she called me.

Fedupsotired · 06/03/2022 10:17

@lollipoprainbow

I had a call from the Senco lead (dd has asd) to say they my dd teacher had noticed a red mark on my daughters side when her trousers rode up slightly. She had a burn mark where her hot water bottle had given her a small blister. I didn't think much of it at the time but now I realise she is also the safeguarding lead so this is obviously why she called me.
@lollipoprainbow but that's where it ended I imagine? I've had calls like this with parents, I'm wondering if there is more going on in this situation to make it escalate