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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner refusing booster so can’t go on holiday?

106 replies

KerkyraBlue · 23/02/2022 14:02

My partner has been double jabbed but is refusing the booster for reasons I am not totally clear on…is very cross at Pfizer /Moderna, money makers, don’t want a heart attack etc.

We are supposed to be going to the Netherlands in April for a short break with our son. As far as I understand, Netherlands require UK visitors to be fully vaccinated including the booster. He won’t have it even if that means we can’t go away. I am blooming fuming. This trip has been arranged for ages and already been rearranged once.

I could go with my son anyway but I am still really annoyed at my other half for potentially ruining a holiday for some belief about Pfizer and Moderna that most of the population do not share.

Is it just me or would you be annoyed too?

OP posts:
Jamnation · 23/02/2022 15:20

Of course it's annoying but you have to respect his choice.

However I do think he should handle all the cancellations, then research and book at alternative short break in the UK. You can support his decision without taking on all the extra work it's created.

Divebar2021 · 23/02/2022 15:33

Of course it's annoying but you have to respect his choice

She doesn’t have to respect it at all… she has no control over it but she doesn’t have to respect it. I wouldn’t be changing my plans either…. Certainly not changing a trip to Amsterdam to a U.K. break.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 23/02/2022 15:39

@Jamnation

Of course it's annoying but you have to respect his choice.

However I do think he should handle all the cancellations, then research and book at alternative short break in the UK. You can support his decision without taking on all the extra work it's created.

Why should she have to miss out on going abroad because of him?
itsgettingweird · 23/02/2022 15:43

I'd be annoyed.

But it's his decision.

I'd definitely still go though and make sure he was fully intent it was when I showed him all the parities and regaled tales of my trip Grin

itsgettingweird · 23/02/2022 15:44

Attentive

Photos

Autocorrect does not like to make sense 🤦🏼‍♀️

tulips27 · 23/02/2022 15:50

It's his choice but I would go without him if I were you, at least this time. If you stay here you might set a precedent that you will only be going to places that will let him in from now on, which would be very limiting for you.

saleorbouy · 23/02/2022 15:52

The rules are changing this week. He could currently travel with the vaccinations he's had.
Go to the Netherlands.gov site to check the new rules.
I was travelling there last year without boosters with no issues.

DoleWhipFloat · 23/02/2022 16:02

DH and I have not had the booster, nor will we be having it. My brother has had nothing but trouble since his booster and is now living with debilitating condochondritis and fatigue.

There is no way on this planet I would have the booster just to go on a holiday. So I can understand his reasoning and I think you need to respect that.

That’s no to say you shouldn’t go though…and he should be respectful of your decision to go away without him, if that’s what it comes to.

Personally I can see the vast majority of vaccine mandates being removed this year as they are useless in controlling the spread of covid, but will impact travel and tourism.

DreamingofTimbuktu · 23/02/2022 16:07

I’d get divorced. Travel is a passion of mine so I couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t prepared to prioritise that.

saraclara · 23/02/2022 16:07

Like most others, I'd go with my son, anyway. DH has made his choice. Fine. You make yours and go on the trip that you've planned.

AnotherSillawithanS · 23/02/2022 16:08

Mumsnet is batshit sometimes.

It's his choice isn't it.

I often see threads on here from women that no longer want to take contraception and the responses are mostly well he'll have to get a vasectomy if he wants to have sex again. Off topic but why should anyone have put something into their body that they don't want.

Keladrythesaviour · 23/02/2022 16:10

Our friends have this issue. The husband said it was obviously his wife's choice whether she had the vaccine or not - her body, her choice - but it wouldn't stop him doing anything he wanted or would normally do. They used to go on holiday 4/5 times a year including long haul trips. He's got 3 booked already, but with friends. She essentially has to decide what is more important to her.

Ciaram55 · 23/02/2022 16:50

My dh won't have the booster. His argument is, he's had two, not given the protection that was promised, and the booster doesn't protect from covid either. People are still getting covid with or without he says. He uses his brother as an example who got covid not long after the booster. He's so bloody convinced he's right. No holidays abroad for us this summer.

QueenCamilla · 23/02/2022 16:50

I'm not vaccinated at all (though I'm not an anti-vaxxer) and have accepted that I won't travel until the vaccine related regulations are abolished. Looks like that will happen even sooner than I thought!

I do think it is a lot to ask of someone to get jabbed just as we are on the cusp of regulations changing.

Calmdown14 · 23/02/2022 17:02

My friend's husband is like this. They've all just had covid and he was the only one who really suffered.

I'd pretend not the be too concerned and just push on with plans in a very matter of fact way. Start looking into swapping his ticket for a friend or your mum

DetailMouse · 23/02/2022 17:04

He's entitled to bodily autonomy. You're entitled to go on holiday and/or leave him if that's what you want.

PriamFarrl · 23/02/2022 17:21

@DetailMouse

He's entitled to bodily autonomy. You're entitled to go on holiday and/or leave him if that's what you want.
I completely agree.

It’s like saying that you can only go on a building site if you agree to wear a hard hat. It’s your choice to not wear the hat but then you can’t work on the site.
Same as a shop requiring you to wear a shirt.

Jamnation · 23/02/2022 17:25

@fairylightsandwaxmelts "Why should she have to miss out on going abroad because of him?"

Of course she doesn't have to. But I would. I quite like my husband and I care more about me and child spending our precious holiday time with him than going to The Netherlands.

Going solo, especially with child, would be cutting off my nose to spite my face. I"m not saying everyone else has to think the same and it would depend on how much money could be refunded etc.

Satingreenshutters · 23/02/2022 17:49

Fair fucks to him for having the courage of his convictions. His choice. His body. I admire him for that.

Go on your own with your son since you are both boostered.

Aishah231 · 23/02/2022 17:49

@Brefugee

And hopefully he will find someone who respects his body and his wishes on this medical matter

it must be so difficult to want to get all het up about nothing.

I didn't say anything about making him have a vaccination or anything. But i wouldn't be that keen on a relationship with someone who apparently can't understand simple statistics

Simple statistics! The lack of clear statistics has been one of the big failures of the world covid response. We still don't actually know how many people have died of covid - not with covid. People who disagree with you are not stupid they are just people who disagree with you.
OneSwallow · 23/02/2022 18:01

Can he not have a PCR?

JassyRadlett · 23/02/2022 18:01

Ah, the 'with not of Covid' folks are here. Excellent. That's always a nuanced discussion that reflects the latest information, and understanding of medical practice involving death certificates, and certainly never gets weirdly eugenicist about anyone with a pre-existing health condition.

Brefugee · 23/02/2022 18:17

Simple statistics! The lack of clear statistics has been one of the big failures of the world covid response. We still don't actually know how many people have died of covid - not with covid. People who disagree with you are not stupid they are just people who disagree with you.

I'm guessing the statistic he is referring to is the 78% heart problems one. But if you don't know what your chance of heart problems is, 78% - which is a scary number alone - looks massive. But it isn't as big as you think. And i, for one, wouldn't really be in a relationship with someone who didn't engage brain.

Whether or not my DH has the vaccination or not is a different matter, that's up to him. (I also wouldn't let it disturb my travel plans)

JMKid · 23/02/2022 18:20

I don't get why he would refuse the booster when he has been double jabbed, makes no sense. Go without him and have a fab time.

TillyTopper · 23/02/2022 18:20

Check the rules really carefully OP - your DH may be ok if he has had 2 jabs already. I can see it's frustrating though, a close friend's husband won't have any vaccines, not being he doesn't agree with them or is frightened but "because the government said to have one so I won't". Frustrating all round, but don't hold back on enjoying yourself anyway.