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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU housekeeping a a full time job!

132 replies

Bibbitybobbityboo86 · 23/02/2022 10:02

I work part time- 3 days a week and every other weekend.

I try to keep my house as tidy and clean as possible. I feel like I’m drowning in it.

My husband doesn’t do a lot - that’s a whole other thread!
My daughter is messy but keep reminding myself that toys and glitter won’t be forever and I’ll miss it once it’s gone.

My mum commented on my dust. She told
Me when she was my age it would have been shameful to have a dusty home and a dirty doorstep 😳- I handed her the duster!

Thinking about my mum who is in her 70s- she didn’t have to work. She got engaged and the next day handed her notice in at the factory she worked at. She was going to married therefore didn’t have to work. She didn’t have kids for another 8 years after being married. She and her friends all kept perfect homes because that’s all they had to do (or certainly in my mums case)

Do woman have it harder now? Most of us have to work part or full time. Keep perfect homes, look somewhat presentable.

Social media has also set unrealistic expectations

How do you stay on top of everything?

OP posts:

AllOfUsAreDead · 23/02/2022 10:07

Yep it is harder now when you work and have the house to clean, plus kids and/or pets. I say or because the amount my bloody cat sheds his fur, the carpet changes colour a day after you hoover.

It is a full time job really, that's why sahms technically do have a job even though they aren't paid for it. Looking after the kids and the home is a full day thing.

You need to give your husband a kick up the ass though. He needs to help more.

FourEyesGood · 23/02/2022 10:11

I don’t. I work full time as a teacher. DH and I share basic household jobs, but our home is a bit of a mess. We just don’t really mind/care, and we definitely don’t ever put any pictures of it on social media (why would we want to do that?). It’s basically clean but I know we’re slatternly by some people’s standards. Perhaps it helps that I have a mother who’s not judgemental or sniping.

Findahouse21 · 23/02/2022 10:11

I don't think it's a full time job especially once children are at nursery/school. I think the key is getting it clean/organised and then just doing a small regular amount to keep on top of it.

With one morning per week focused just on cleaning, my house is then clean enough to just do a quick wipe round tidy each evening once the kids are in bed.

I do get older dd to tidy the playroom before she goes to bed and dh does his part too

Original poster

Bibbitybobbityboo86 · 23/02/2022 10:14

I spend all day Wednesday cleaning
By Friday evening it’s an absolute tip

There’s just so many jobs that need doing - I feel like it’s endless!

OP posts:

rattlehum · 23/02/2022 10:14

Yes of course it's harder to keep on top of a house these days vs your mum's time. Every hour you work is an hour you have less to cook/clean/care for others. But most families - single or couples - can't afford to have one parent not working because of the cost of housing/living. It's just a fact.
Some people manage it, they are presumably super-human. Others pay for outside help. Most probably just accept that a bit of dust possibly never killed anyone.

Bdhntbis · 23/02/2022 10:18

I only stay on top of it working 4 days a week with a fortnightly cleaner; and I often feel like like I’m barely keeping on top of the washing and general tidying plus obviously cleaning between the times the cleaner comes.

Swear · 23/02/2022 10:18

You need to lower your standards A LOT.

Miller2021 · 23/02/2022 10:20

"My husband doesn’t do a lot - that’s a whole other thread!"

It's not - this is the reason you're doing so much. It's his house too.

Mindymomo · 23/02/2022 10:25

I worked 3 days a week, but worked 9-4. The extra hour was a godsend. I had food delivered or click and collect on way home, this saves so much time. The days I didn’t work, I did washing all day ( which is ok in the summer, but a pain in the winter). I only hoovered once a week downstairs and once every other week upstairs. I really didn’t want to be cleaning/washing at weekends either. I’m now at home all the time and the house is so much more messy, dust is constant. We do have a dog now and the work involved with him is such a lot. I know lots of working families who have cleaners, send out ironing, have people do their gardens and clean cars. My mother in law used to come to my house and look after my children whilst I worked and she did so much housework for me, my children said she never hardly stopped all day.

GizmosEveningBath · 23/02/2022 10:25

I work part time, my house is about the same level of tidiness now as it was when I had slightly older pre school age children and I was a SAHM. I took on full time hours for a few months to cover covid absence and my house was an absolute tip. I think you do have to lower your standards a bit or get in a cleaner when you work full time, otherwise you wouldn't get any downtime at all.

If I was still a SAHM now my children are school age, my house would be sparkling!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/02/2022 10:27

Why does your husband not pull his weight?

DSGR · 23/02/2022 10:28

No it’s not a full time job. I work FT and my cleaner cleans for 6 hours a week and the house is in good shape.
If you want to add in all the other stuff like washing etc then yes that seems never-ending. But it can be done, even working FT, if your partner pulls their weight

stuntbubbles · 23/02/2022 10:29

You’ve got a small child, which means more mess and less time to sort it. A job, which means less time. And a lazy oaf husband who contributes to dirt and mess but doesn’t contribute to the cleaning of it. Of course your home is less clean/tidy than a full-time housewife’s!

My DP pulls his weight and our house is still a shithole.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/02/2022 10:30

How old is your DD? Why isn’t your DH pulling his weight?

JuergenSchwarzwald · 23/02/2022 10:32

It's a full-time job if you want a perfect house - but I don't, so it isn't. I am too lazy to constantly be cleaning. I don't like mess but I can live with dust.

SoftPillow · 23/02/2022 10:37

It isn't a full time job.

Our cleaner does 3hrs. Our housekeeper does 12-16hrs including cooking.

So 15-18hrs. We do bits too, probably 5hrs a week total.

When I was a SAHM I'd do chores 9-12 and relax all afternoon, 3 hours was more than enough and included shopping, gardening, cooking.

marykitty · 23/02/2022 10:38

No, it is not a full time job. Unless you have very unrealistic goals.
My goal is that my home is tidy and clean enough to welcome a friend without any notice.
Meaning that a normal level of mess (e.g. toys lying around the family room, dishes in the sinks if it's right after lunch) is absolutely fine, is everyday life.
Bathrooms are clean, floors are hoovered etc. But there is a 99% chance there is dust on the books on the top shelf and laundry bin only barely closes.

KosherDill · 23/02/2022 10:40

People have far more material goods inna home these days, too. Cleaning and organizing all that stuff is more time consuming.

OnaBegonia · 23/02/2022 10:40

Bear in mind your mum never had all the electrical appliances we have now, laundry was a day of hard work, I remember my grans delight at her first twin tub washer, which was still a bit of a chore.
Running a house isn't a ft job, we have washers and dryers, vacuums, slow cookers, air fryers, multiple ovens etc, get your DH off his arse and doing a bit.

Original poster

Bibbitybobbityboo86 · 23/02/2022 10:42

My husbands way of thinking is her works full time. I work part time. The rest of the hours where I would have been working if I was full time I am to look after the house.

He doesn’t see it fair he works full time- I have 2 days off in the week he should be cleaning.
I agree to certain point but I wish he’d just pick up after himself and not make my job harder.

I would work full time if I could - however we have zero childcare in the school holidays.
My mum also has lots of mental/physical issues so I always reserve one day to see and help her (cleaning,shopping, hospital appointments etc)
My daughter is 7. I do get her tidying up - she moans like hell- but she won’t get her pocket money if she refuses

OP posts:

BearOfEasttown · 23/02/2022 10:42

Housekeeping is not a full time job. Once your kids are at school, being a SAHM is a blessed life. (Unless your have a SN child.) But if you are a working mum, then that is a much harder life. I think women had it MUCH easier 50+ years ago. Weren't expected to go out to work, had huge family support (usually,) and the family were supported by the man's wage alone.

Original poster

Bibbitybobbityboo86 · 23/02/2022 10:45

@OnaBegonia

Bear in mind your mum never had all the electrical appliances we have now, laundry was a day of hard work, I remember my grans delight at her first twin tub washer, which was still a bit of a chore. Running a house isn't a ft job, we have washers and dryers, vacuums, slow cookers, air fryers, multiple ovens etc, get your DH off his arse and doing a bit.

Such a good point!

I don’t know where I’m going wrong

OP posts:

merryhouse · 23/02/2022 10:45

Gracious. My MiL and my late mother are older than your mum (born 1940 and 1939) and they both worked till they were pregnant.

We never had a tidy home (I'm the 4th of 6). By the time we'd finished having preschoolers in the house my mum was back to work part-time.

When I met my MiL her youngest was 14 and her house has remained tidy and lovely ever since (except when we visit and leave our tech and papers all over the lounge ). She hasn't worked since having her first child. I do remember thinking she spent rather more time than necessary on the housework...

stuntbubbles · 23/02/2022 10:48

I agree to certain point but I wish he’d just pick up after himself and not make my job harder.
He does have a bit of a point that you work fewer hours and therefore have more time than he does to tidy, BUT you’re not responsible for his mess. Is he one of those “dirty clothes on the floor instead of in the washing basket two feet away” people, who also thinks bins are invisible, and putting plates on the counter is practically the same as putting them in the dishwasher?

Get a big box and twice a week go around the house and put all his stuff in it: the dirty clothes on the floor, the plates he couldn’t put in the dishwasher, the post left on the side instead of filed away, the mugs left in the sitting room, whatever it all is. Then plonk it on his side of the bed or WFH space or wherever. It’s a quick way to tidy the house - carry a box around and add to it, rather than actually sorting the items. And a quick way to demonstrate: look at all the mess you cause and constantly fail to clear up.

irregularegular · 23/02/2022 10:48

Who says you have to keep a "perfect" home. A little bit of dust doesn't do any harm. And as for cleaning the doorstep! I'd much rather read a good book....

No. It's not a full-time job. Not unless you choose to make it one. But you can make pretty much anything a full-time occupation if you choose.

But working on average four days a week, with a young child, and little or no help will definitely keep you very busy just keeping the house liveable and life admin ticking over.

Don't worry about appearances, social media, or your mum. Do what makes you happy (and get your husband to do his share!)

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