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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not find this appealing?

95 replies

Grantedunicorn · 23/02/2022 09:43

DH talks in a way that I don’t particularly like a fair bit.
The comments he makes are crude to my mind - but I don’t know how others talk.
For example I tried on a new dress the other night and he did like a leery face and said ‘that’s a cum in your pants outfit. I’ll store that image in the wank bank.’
It’s this sort of thing - ALL THE TIME.
I don’t reciprocate. He knows it makes me uncomfortable.
Aibu to not like it?

OP posts:
teaandtoastwithmarmite · 24/02/2022 12:54

He sounds like Jay from the inbetweeners Grin

Watchkeys · 24/02/2022 12:57

@LimeSegment

Men have no idea what is appealing though. An ex once said to me "You are a very loud whizzer". Yes whizzer as in piss. And claimed it was a compliment/come on to me. Wtf EnvyEnvy
Many men are not like this. Some women are like this.

Massive generalisation, here OP. Don't be thinking that 'this is just what men do'. It's wiser to accept that some people do this, and you don't have to be around any of them.

shinynewapple22 · 24/02/2022 13:01

And yet you married him .....

thebabessavedme · 24/02/2022 13:16

I feel for you OP, I have a family member with a dh who speaks like this, the thing is, he really wasn't so crude before she married him, it's like he lulled her into a false sense of who he really was. Nowadays I can physically see her growing disgust (its way more than 'ick'), when he embrasseses her in public I want to squirm, she is a classy intelligent woman and I am honestly waiting for the day she announces its all over, it's actually a real shame, if he would just behave like a gentleman he has a lot of redeeming features, it's almost as if he thinks this is a 'manly' way of speaking, as if he is trying to prove he is a man like all the others, I always wonder if it is an act and a lack of self confidence, dosen't make it right and what a studid way to throw away a marriage.

Phineyj · 24/02/2022 13:17

You are married to someone who in your own words 'makes you feel like a piece of meat'.

Why?

Sad
Sweetlikejollof · 24/02/2022 13:29

@thebabessavedme

I feel for you OP, I have a family member with a dh who speaks like this, the thing is, he really wasn't so crude before she married him, it's like he lulled her into a false sense of who he really was. Nowadays I can physically see her growing disgust (its way more than 'ick'), when he embrasseses her in public I want to squirm, she is a classy intelligent woman and I am honestly waiting for the day she announces its all over, it's actually a real shame, if he would just behave like a gentleman he has a lot of redeeming features, it's almost as if he thinks this is a 'manly' way of speaking, as if he is trying to prove he is a man like all the others, I always wonder if it is an act and a lack of self confidence, dosen't make it right and what a studid way to throw away a marriage.
Had she ever told him to stop or that she hates it? Seems super obvious, but it seems like lots of women ‘hint’ and ‘imply’ as opposed to saying ‘stop fucking doing this’.

Not that a grown man should need to be told. But, still.

NotAScoobyToBeSeen · 24/02/2022 13:34

Ew

Dishwashersaurous · 24/02/2022 13:37

How ever did you end up married to him?

If he's always been a bit like this why were you able to overlook it before?

thebabessavedme · 24/02/2022 13:43

@Sweetlikejollof, yes, I have heard them argue about it, also all of us other members of the family have commented to him about it, along the lines of 'stop being so bloody rude/crude, thats not funny' etc, it just does not seem to register, the other thing that I think causes issues is that he comes from a very tough background and thinks we are 'posh' Hmm and I feel that causes him to feel the need to assert his personality iyswim?

FlasherMcGruff · 24/02/2022 13:43

Is this your husband, OP? m.youtube.com/watch?v=3g_dom3rVvQ

YANBU. Very immature, crass and unsexy. Men who talk like this about women just sound like inexperienced teenagers who haven’t grasped how women work trying to impress their mates, so no wonder you’ve had comments about Jay from the Inbetweeners. There’s no need or excuse for your husband to talk like this. I really would say, ‘do you know how immature and awful you sound?’

Classica · 24/02/2022 13:46

Jay from The Inbetweeners was my first thought too. He sounds revolting and boring. Amazed that he was able to charm you into marrying him.

Sweetlikejollof · 24/02/2022 13:49

[quote thebabessavedme]@Sweetlikejollof, yes, I have heard them argue about it, also all of us other members of the family have commented to him about it, along the lines of 'stop being so bloody rude/crude, thats not funny' etc, it just does not seem to register, the other thing that I think causes issues is that he comes from a very tough background and thinks we are 'posh' Hmm and I feel that causes him to feel the need to assert his personality iyswim?[/quote]
Ah, I see.

I am now oddly worked up about a man I will never meet. You and your family member have my sympathies.

HotWaterAndLemon · 24/02/2022 13:51

My ex was a lot like that. Thought it was a compliment. If I complained would make a dig about me being uptight or similar. Took me a while to realise I deserved better.

ThreePac · 24/02/2022 13:52

Eww what a turn off

BloodyForeland · 24/02/2022 13:52

@LimeSegment

Men have no idea what is appealing though. An ex once said to me "You are a very loud whizzer". Yes whizzer as in piss. And claimed it was a compliment/come on to me. Wtf EnvyEnvy
God almighty. Shock

He's an ex, though. (Trying to look on the bright side here!)

aloe987 · 24/02/2022 14:07

OH speaks differently with his friends than he does in our home because I always remind him how he would feel if our daughter were spoken about in certain ways. My OH sometimes needs a reminder about appropriate language and respect. He wasn't taught this as a child or as a young man so unfortunately it's now my job to teach him. He is receptive to it at least.

BloodyForeland · 24/02/2022 14:50

@aloe987

OH speaks differently with his friends than he does in our home because I always remind him how he would feel if our daughter were spoken about in certain ways. My OH sometimes needs a reminder about appropriate language and respect. He wasn't taught this as a child or as a young man so unfortunately it's now my job to teach him. He is receptive to it at least.
Sure, but presumably you didn’t have your daughter when you first met him, and he grasped that using crude, objectifying language isn’t exactly attractive to women?
Grandville · 24/02/2022 14:53

It is grim when men say this sort of stuff seriously.

DP and I often say stuff not dissimilar to each other but we are deliberately choosing horrible phrasing as a joke. We also don't do when actually getting down to intimacy and if either one of us gets too grossed out by a turn of phrase, we stop using it.

cdba88 · 24/02/2022 16:34

That's vile! Why did you marry him!???

Throwmealifejacket · 24/02/2022 16:36

It sounds awful. I couldn't put up with that. Is there more to this than you're saying?

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