Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not find this appealing?

95 replies

Grantedunicorn · 23/02/2022 09:43

DH talks in a way that I don’t particularly like a fair bit.
The comments he makes are crude to my mind - but I don’t know how others talk.
For example I tried on a new dress the other night and he did like a leery face and said ‘that’s a cum in your pants outfit. I’ll store that image in the wank bank.’
It’s this sort of thing - ALL THE TIME.
I don’t reciprocate. He knows it makes me uncomfortable.
Aibu to not like it?

OP posts:
WheresYourSnickers · 23/02/2022 10:11

Eugh!Envy not envy
He sounds vile. Does he have any redeeming features?

EnjoyingTheSilence · 23/02/2022 10:14

Have you told him that he has never sounded less sexy?

Maybe he thinks it’s good dirty talk and will entice you to bed. He really needs to know it’s a turn off not turn on. Grim

Watchkeys · 23/02/2022 10:15

@Grantedunicorn

It’s all just urgh. He’ll be next to me in bed and will push himself against me and say ‘get your knickers off.’
How does he respond if you say no?
fuckoffImcounting · 23/02/2022 10:16

If you don't share children I would seriously think of leaving him. If you have told him you don't like it and he continues, it shows a lack of respect that you will not be happy living with for the next 10, 20 years. It will also mean you have no sex life because you really won't be able to let him near you for very much longer.

SugarAndCoffee · 23/02/2022 10:16

Have you told him the more he says stuff like that the less attractive you find him?

SugarAndCoffee · 23/02/2022 10:17

@Grantedunicorn

He’s always been a bit this way, I think it’s got worse. I feel like a piece of meat.
What happens when you tell him this?
Silverswirl · 23/02/2022 10:18

It’s because speaking like that is what (many) men find a turn on. If you spoke to him like that he would probably find it a huge turn on.
He thinks it’s sexy most likely and doesn’t understand why asking you to get your knickers off doesn’t get you hot.
If you said to him ‘get your pants off’ he would probably love it.
You need to train him not to say this sort of stuff. Might be too late as he’s been doing if for years.
My DH used to say this early on in our relationship a bit but I told him lots of times that I think it’s gross and does nothing for me. He stopped.

RonObvious · 23/02/2022 10:19

He knows it makes me uncomfortable.

Then you have to ask yourself why he still does it. That's not right.

AgathaX · 23/02/2022 10:22

Vile man. I really don't know how you can put up with that.

Nemosaurus · 23/02/2022 10:25

You’re obviously putting up with it though, and have for a long time, so not sure what your question is.

everythingcrossed · 23/02/2022 10:35

OMG Shock - are you married to Jay from the Inbetweeners?

newnameforthis76 · 23/02/2022 10:51

I think the issue here isn’t about what he’s saying (although I wouldn’t find it sexy either, at all) but the fact that he continues to talk like this when he knows you don’t like it. He’s either incredibly stupid or he’s actively trying to wind you up, which is just unpleasant and childish of him. I honestly can’t stand men who deliberately wind up their partners in a way they know their partners don’t find funny.

TillyTopper · 23/02/2022 10:51

OMG! Yuck! No way would I put up with that he sounds disgusting.

MunchyMonsters · 23/02/2022 10:53

Ewww. This is the type of behaviour akin to sending an unwanted dick picture.

Utterly disgusting.

Ionlydomassiveones · 23/02/2022 10:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Cocycola · 23/02/2022 11:03

That is pretty gross, especially when talking about you. You need to tell him seriously to stop as it is disrespectful.

My DH talls in language similar, however never involving me (or women). He'll use quite smutty phrases about sex and things relating to sex in front of me. It is seriously gross! He and his friend used to text each other using the term 'jiz monkeys' for themselves as a joke and I used to tell him to act with a bit more class (I have a sense of humour and not a snob, but do have my limits).

What your dh said was wrong and really inappropriate. I struggle with my dh's way of speaking when with his mates, I really don't think I could deal with him sayimg things like that about me.

Cocycola · 23/02/2022 11:04

*talks

ChargingBuck · 23/02/2022 11:29

@Grantedunicorn

It’s all just urgh. He’ll be next to me in bed and will push himself against me and say ‘get your knickers off.’
How can you bear it? How much longer are you going to tolerate it?

You know you can leave him for any reason at all, don't you?

pinkyredrose · 23/02/2022 12:00

Why did you marry him? Have you asked him not to?

Susu49 · 24/02/2022 10:43

It's really unhelpful and a bit insulting to ask posters why they married someone when current/recent behaviour is odious.

Regardless of why the op married him - and I think we can presume that on some level, love was involved - the op is asking for advice about how he treats her now and I'm sure didn't post to justify why she married him (and presumably fell in love with him) in the first place.

Tsuni · 24/02/2022 10:47

Why did you marry him?

pinkyredrose · 24/02/2022 10:48

She said he's always been like that but he's got worse lately. It's a perfectly valid question.

ChargingBuck · 24/02/2022 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Cocomarine · 24/02/2022 10:49

@Aprilx

I don’t think I would have got to the marriage stage with somebody who spoke like that!
That was my first thought!
TheYearOfSmallThings · 24/02/2022 10:55

It's really unhelpful and a bit insulting to ask posters why they married someone when current/recent behaviour is odious.

The thing is, it is what most of us are wondering, whether we sat it out loud or not. Why do women marry disgusting men? The OP's husband is the same person he has always been, and he is the same person he is always going to be, and that is what she chose to marry.