To not find this appealing?

[Grantedunicorn]

DH talks in a way that I don’t particularly like a fair bit.
The comments he makes are crude to my mind - but I don’t know how others talk.
For example I tried on a new dress the other night and he did like a leery face and said ‘that’s a cum in your pants outfit. I’ll store that image in the wank bank.’
It’s this sort of thing - ALL THE TIME.
I don’t reciprocate. He knows it makes me uncomfortable.
Aibu to not like it?

I think some men have real difficulty in expressing feelings, and the only way they can express love, in a way that is acceptable to themselves and not 'being soft', is by expressing lust. It is not attractive or appropriate for most women, and I don't know how it can be changed as it is often very ingrained, but your only hope is by talking to him and explaining how you feel about it, in a nonconfronting way, at a time which is not pressured, say over a meal at home , or on a walk or drive.

I would find this so disgusting I'd divorce him. No wonder you are revolted

@TheYearOfSmallThings

It's really unhelpful and a bit insulting to ask posters why they married someone when current/recent behaviour is odious.

The thing is, it is what most of us are wondering, whether we sat it out loud or not. Why do women marry disgusting men? The OP's husband is the same person he has always been, and he is the same person he is always going to be, and that is what she chose to marry.

The unfathomable bit is why you choose to speak the (assumed) mind of people who have chosen not to speak it themselves.

Are you the supervisor for us all? Speak for yourself and don't assume what others are thinking. Whether others have the question or not is irrelevant unless they have chosen to make it known.

Personally, I don't have this question, because I understand that people do things for their own reasons, which don't have to make sense or be understood by me. Rather than 'Why would you do that?' (which is an unsympathetic question), I'd say 'I'm sure you had your reasons, which made sense to you at the time you made them', (which allows OP agency and responsibility and offers understanding)

Omg. Sorry OP, but I find that disgusting.

God, what a turn off.

How old is he?

@TheYearOfSmallThings

It's really unhelpful and a bit insulting to ask posters why they married someone when current/recent behaviour is odious.

The thing is, it is what most of us are wondering, whether we sat it out loud or not. Why do women marry disgusting men? The OP's husband is the same person he has always been, and he is the same person he is always going to be, and that is what she chose to marry.

Yes of course. But in person I don't blurt out the thought circling my head when someone's asking for advice because it's unhelpful to them.

Our feelings and tolerances change as time goes on, we all know this. I don't think its particularly kind or helpful to tell someone "why did you marry him? I wouldn't have done!" And stand by that it's a bit insulting to do so.

Theres a time and place to voice such opinions and replying to a poster without attempting to offer advice (or sympathy assuming you feel it) is actually pretty damning.

Don't forget a lot of women (if not all) in relationships where they're not treated as well as they should be have self esteem issues, some of which can be quite serious. Marvelling at their decision to enter into the relationship in the first place just compounds that.

Well said @Susu49

Yanbu not to like it Op. Yabu by not telling him in no uncertain terms that you do not like the way he is phrasing certain things.

That would make me drier than a ryvita and most definitely irreversible ick.

I think some men have real difficulty in expressing feelings, and the only way they can express love, in a way that is acceptable to themselves and not 'being soft', is by expressing lust.

Lol. Maybe if you're married to a Neanderthal.

Yuck, is he 15?

Yuck. I would be absolutely mortified if mt DH spoke like that.

He sounds ... a delight.

The unfathomable bit is why you choose to speak the (assumed) mind of people who have chosen not to speak it themselves.

Many of them have chosen to speak it themselves, which is what you seem unhappy with. I think it is a valid question, why do women choose these men.

Assuming the OP is genuine, which I am not assuming.

You are not being unreasonable to not like this kind of talk. He sounds either very immature or even imitating someone.
Do try and talk to him about this and about how it makes you feel. He should be willing to take criticism and be willing to discuss it and change to improve your relationship. You may have to give him some ideas of how you would prefer him to talk to you. Maybe some examples from other couples you know would help him understand your discomfort.

Horrible. I hope he has redeeming features. It’s disgusting. Do you have daughters? Would he like men talking like that to them ? A bit of dirty talk in the bedroom is ok but outside of that it’s crass

"He knows it makes me uncomfortable."

And yet he persists. I can only assume that he takes pleasure in your discomfort, because any decent man would not wish to make their wife uncomfortable.

"The comments he makes are crude to my mind - but I don’t know how others talk."
Do you mean how other men talk to their wives? Not like this! Has he somehow persuaded you that his behaviour is normal? Because it really really isn't.

Serious question @Grantedunicorn - do you want to stay married to this man, and if so, why?

@TheYearOfSmallThings

Many of them have chosen to speak it themselves, which is what you seem unhappy with. I think it is a valid question, why do women choose these men

I'm not unhappy with anything, but I'm not sure why you're speaking for lots of people. My point was 'Speak for yourself'.

Lots of questions are valid, but unspoken. Things like 'Why are you so fat?' Just because a question is valid, doesn't mean we should voice it.

Anyway, sorry for the derail, OP. I'm sure you had your reasons when you married him. It'd be nice if people would respect that, but hey ho.

Oh god that's grim. There's complimentary, then there's slightly more crude/cheeky/raunchy. Then there's stuff about wank banks. (not envy).

That is a disgusting way to talk. It isn't normal.

Men have no idea what is appealing though. An ex once said to me "You are a very loud whizzer". Yes whizzer as in piss. And claimed it was a compliment/come on to me. Wtf

Not that it let's them off the hook for talking this way though.

@Grantedunicorn

It's beyond repulsive. It's repellant. I'm so sorry. It is abusive because you don't like it.

But the problem is that if you've always gone along with it, he might even think you like it 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

You have to tell him to stop - but then where will his urges go? 🙈

Personally it would be a deal breaker for me.

Really gross. You need to tell him to stop and really mean it.

@Aprilx

I don’t think I would have got to the marriage stage with somebody who spoke like that!

Yep!

Yuck!