WIBU? How much do you parent your children in the pool?

[justkeepswimmingandoverthinkin]

To set the scene: private spa type place attached to a non-chain hotel in a non-particularly touristy area. I’d say about 80% of the members are retirees as the facilities are small and it doesn’t really compete with the likes of David Lloyds / Ballentynes etc despite charging more. I only joined with my kids (who get set hours after school + all day weekends & holidays) because an elderly relative prefers the smaller, quieter setting.

We go together most mornings and I take the kids a couple of nights a week. Sometimes we’ll be the only people there and sometimes everyone will be sharing lanes and moving over to let others past.

All good.

So when I take my kids (6 and 11) there are rules (unless we’re the only ones there).
⁃ You want to play shark etc you go in the kids pool.
⁃ If you’re in the adult pool you’re swimming in lanes (one needs help and still at the V splashy stage so we use the lane closest to the side so people can avoid us and I’ll lift her up if Betty with her perm is passing so we don’t soak her).
⁃ If you just want to float around, fine, but stay in a lane if there are other people trying to swim.
⁃ Respect other people and try not to get in others’ way / soak them etc.

I thought this was normal and honestly the only other kids I’ve seen have been babies having a float with their parent in the lane nearest the wall (and I don’t care if they splash me - they’re babies!), or older teens just swimming normally. The handful of times there have been kids ages with mine the parents have all been doing similar - that I’ve noticed.

Obviously if this was a fun type pool with flumes and a wave machine then all bets are off and kids will be kids.

So - AIBU? Is this normal? Would you expect the same in this situation or are the kids entitled to do otherwise because we’re paying members using the set child hours and if people don’t want to be bothered by children they should go when they’re at school?

I ask because I went alone this morning - completely forgetting that English half-term is different from ours. There were 3 families there and it was just COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. They were all loud, splashing, and using the entire pool (basically what you’d expect kids to be doing in a “fun” pool).

One particular family of 3 children (ages with mine) was the worst. Nobody could swim a single length without having to stand up or swim around them. My hair was drenched. Everyone was drenched. I know swimming caps exist but I've never ever needed one for 40 mins worth of breaststroke or even when I've been teaching my youngest to swim. An elderly lady got hit in the face. Another almost knocked over. Forget the fact it’s supposed to be 2 under 14s per adult, this Dad had 3 of them and he sat on one of the chairs at the side the entire time and didn’t tell them off or adjust their behaviour or tell them to take it to the kids pool once. Not even when the lady got hit. Adults were practically on top of each other trying to avoid these kids and I just couldn’t believe anyone would be so oblivious to this?!

But… nobody else seemed to say anything. No passive aggressive tuts or slightly longer than normal stares (except maybe me one or twice haha! I was just so shocked and couldn't help checking if he just wasn't seeing this - but he was!).

So, while I would never let my kids behave to that extreme - are my rules militant in comparison? Is there some happy medium that most parents do and most adults accept and I should give my kids more free reign?

They don’t dislike the way things are - they absolutely love it - but I’m not going to lie it CAN be exhausting sometimes feeling like I have to have eyes on the non-swimmer, while making sure the older swimmer isn’t just drifting around in front of people, while keeping track of who is swimming by so I don’t soak them, while reminding them to shout across the pool and the other swimmers at each other.

And I feel like the Dad was definitely being unreasonable but feel free to change my mind. Is it me or him or both of us?

• NOT to shout across the pool at each other

Whoops.

And when I say it can be exhausting I mean... well, parenting in public is kind of exhausting

Well I wouldn’t let my kids behave wildly unless a ‘fun’ pool but I think there is a difference to how you might behave on a once off holiday vs being a permanent member who will meet Betty a couple of times a week.

I am quite like you with behaviour requirements but going to a pool with children who aren’t competent swimmers is always going to be exhausting. Not sure how you can relax if they might drown.

Its a hotel pool. If the kids are there during restricted kids hours I woukd expect them to play like they are on holiday. Especially if they are only allowed in for limited hours. Those wanting to swim lengths can swim at other times.

Maybe they were a bit much if someone got hit/hurt but I don't think getting splashed and tour hair wet in a swimming pool is out of order!

Amd the adult ratio often doesn't apply in hotel pools (it should in my view) but is usually 1 adult to 2 under 8s not 14s.
Both of mine are perfectly competent swimmers - much better than their dad if he were roped in to supervise! In fact my dd would probably be joining you in the lanes (not that that would help your hair - as she is fast but splashy!)

@Lucked good point about the difference between being a member and being on holiday.

@LittleOwl153 I have never actually thought of it as a hotel pool but maybe that's just me? For example there is a holiday inn type place near to me with a beefeater type place and a ballantynes type place, all sharing the same carpark and "together" but not connected. I assume this is quite a common set up country wide? You couldn't get between the restaurant/ pool/ hotel without going outside. They all have different brand names and owned by different people. But hotel stays get discounts in spa / restaurant and members get discounts on hotel stays / meals. So it's not actually like the pool is inside the building (I don't even know if that makes a difference to my unreasonableness ) and again it's not exactly a "holiday location" or inside a main city centre where people would be having city breaks - I can only think they're here because covid has stopped loads of people from going abroad, so wouldn't you "read the room" in a place like that?

The rule is definitely 14. Like I said the place is mostly retirees so I expect the club is catering to the target market with that. And RE set hours, to me, they're very wide (basically any time a child isn't at school they can go) and I think that's because there would rarely be ENOUGH children to make going during child hours a problem for anyone to complain and the club to make them more limited? It's mostly people taking their grandchildren on the odd occasion or a handful of families and mums on maternity leave.

So the only time this has ever happened is school holidays, but because the hours are so wide you'd have to be in and out by 8am to avoid it? For a week it's not a huge deal I guess but a bit shit in the long summer holidays if it turns into a "holiday pool" the entire time.

Yabu, the kids have as much right to be there as the elderly ladies imo. And passive aggressive tuts would drive me bonkers. They need to have a slow/calm lane for the elderly ladies, why not suggest it to management

YANBU. Hitting an elderly woman in the face and nearly knocking over another one is not acceptable, or safe, behaviour.

If there are kid hours and its mostly kid free, then I would expect kids to be able to play in the pool during those hours. That means shouting and splashing and playing.
It needs to stay within safety rules, no running on the side, no pushing people under etc but I wouldn't expect children in a hotel pool in specific children allowed hours to be quiet and obey lane rules.
There's a balance, but in general pools are special playgrounds for children. Loud boisterous but safe and polite play. They aren't libraries for indoor voices.

I agree with LittleOwl
If my dc were allowed in a hotel pool during restricted hours, then I would expect them to be allowed to play in that pool in a fun way.

If I went to a restricted lane session then I would expect lane swimming, but a pool doesn't need to have flumes for it to be fun.
When mine were that sort of age we always booked somewhere with a pool, as they could spend ages in there on a rainy day and entertain themselves.

Now, obviously it shouldn't end up with anyone being hit in the face, and I would certainly have intervened either when that happened or if it looked like there were a risk of it happening, but in terms of generally playing, I think YABU. That's what most dc do in a swimming pool and is to be encouraged.

Thanks I recognise that's a valid POV to have. I just think your kids right to be there doesn't equal having the right to do what they want or trumps the right of other people to swim?

There are two set swimming lanes but it's one person per lane and you have to schedule a 20min slot. They were all full for the next hour understandably. Everyone actually naturally migrated to the side of the pool nearest the cordoned off lanes, trying to do the whole clockwise + overtaking thing you do when the pool is busy but it was just impossible.

Which goes back to my point - I'd agree they have the same right to be there and wouldn't have cared much if they were even taking up half the pool and leaving one or two lanes for everyone else. But they were constantly spread out across the entire pool which made doing a single length uninterrupted by them (specifically) impossible. They could play on one side while the adults swam on the other (despite there being a kids pool for the sole purpose of playing and splashing but whatever).

It's a hotel pool, if you want adults only go in adults only time. If I take my kids on holiday and they go in the pool for the hotel they can jump in, splash, play games, children being allowed to play in the pool during the time children are allowed in is what you pay extra for a hotel with a pool for. I wouldn't let them knock anyone over but to be honest I think you're probably exaggerating as if people were actually getting hurt I'm pretty sure other people would have been frowning. Kids can play in play sessions.

Sorry that last reply was to Mummy1608 specifically.

But I'm taking on board all the other YABU responses

I honestly don't need / want adults only I just want to be able to swim AT LEAST ONCE from one side of the pool to the other without my face and hair being soaked and without having to stand up because they're playing chase / shark in front of me and can't decide where they're going or trying to avoid being drowned by the other. It was like playing british bulldogs at some points.

I take my kids during kids hours all the time and everyone else gets that experience. They can turn up at swimming pool they're paying to be members of and swim. My kids play shark in the kids pool.

But I do take on board the fact a lot of people clearly disagree. Maybe I could try to ask management if the kids hours during school holidays can be shortened so it leaves more than 2hrs early morning and 2hrs late at night for everyone who wants to swim to be able to actually swim? maybe an hour gap in the morning and an hour gap in the afternoon?

And definitely not over exaggerating. A woman got hit in the face (the girl did say sorry, so okay accidents happen and she clearly didn't mean to, but the Dad didn't even attempt a 'be more careful' or whatever. Which I would expect as a minimum from any parent who's child has just hit an elderly woman in the face )

I don't think YABU at all. They sound obnoxious and selfish and I would have gone and reported them straight away if I was a member.

If it's half term usually serious swimmers stay away until normality resumes. I wouldn't want to be trying to do my lengths with kids messing about, which is generally what happens in school hols.

YANBU! To those saying about restricted hours for kids and people should go around them - the "restrictions" are all day at weekends and all day school holidays but out with school hours during the week so it's not as if it's only a few hours each day they can swim. If someone is wanting to do swimming for some exercise they would have to go between 9 and 3 Mon-Fri during term time. What about people that work?

I don't think it's hard to be considerate of other people in the pool. Having kids there and playing is fine but not when they're taking over the full pool and interrupting others, especially when there is a kids pool for playing

Everyone was drenched YABU for that comment. It's a pool. They're filled with water

However they clearly shouldn't be messing about to the point of people getting hurt, obviously.

If it's half term usually serious swimmers stay away until normality resumes. I wouldn't want to be trying to do my lengths with kids messing about, which is generally what happens in school hols.

Haha yeah I actually didn't realise it was English half term this week, ours was last week and it was just like any normal evening / weekend. Didn't get any swimming in because I had my children with me (single parent) so I was fair looking forward to a session this morning without worrying about children... then the error I had made hit me.

Summer is going to be interesting this year if the trend for 'holiday pool in the holidays' continues.

Our school holidays start in June and IIRC English schools aren't back til September? It's quite a lot of money for a membership to a swimming pool you can't actually swim in between 8am and 8pm for weeks / months at a time.

I agree with you OP. I don't use my local pool as its constantly full of children with very, very limited adult only/land swimming times at inconvenient times. I therefore feel forced to pay a lot of money to attend a club with a small pool a little like you describe. I would be cross if that were also full of screaming, splashing children. If children also want to use such a pool I agree they should be respectful of other pool users who are paying a lot of money for the privilege. If children want to have loud boisterous play there are plenty of other pools where they can do that.

Thankfully, the pool I use has stopped children's access altogether.

Everyone was drenched YABU for that comment. It's a pool. They're filled with water

Hahaha I accept that 🤣

It's my leftover trauma from the teacher trying to force your head and extra thick hair inside a talc'd up cap the size of a condom that makes me shiver at the thought of having to do it. But then I guess I maybe can't complain if my hair gets more than a little damp 🙈

Note to self: also skip mascara during school holidays.

Or maybe don't and hope it repels them in terror 😂.

Thankfully, the pool I use has stopped children's access altogether.

I can understand why they'd do that and totally see why you're thankful about it.

It would be a shame if they had to do that here it's a great little pool and like I said, every family I've come across (until this morning) have been totally fine. But granted this is the first time I've been at a time when our kids are back but other kids are holidaying.

You also hear the ladies chatting in the changing room's sometimes about how X grandchild is staying next weekend and they're going to bring them as a guest for a session like it's the highlight of their week.

That's how I first "discovered" it - my gran would take me as a child every second Thursday night and I'd literally count down the days. I'd never been in a pool with mood lighting and underfloor heating in the changing rooms haha - thought myself very fancy! But I was always on best behaviour "because it was a grown up pool and we didn't want to get kicked out."

So it would be sad to restrict the hours or do away with children completely but I also can't see why anyone would pay for it without complaint from June - September if it's like that every day and impossible to actually swim and judging by so many people saying YABU (which is their right to) I'm worried it will be.

YANBU to expect parents to keep their children considerate of others

YABU to expect to not get drenched in a pool

I just think your kids right to be there doesn't equal having the right to do what they want or trumps the right of other people to swim?

But equally, your right for a quiet swim doesn't trump the kids' right to have fun, play and be kids during the designated kids' hours.

It's a balance, and I don't have kids so I would definitely be in the "wanting a quiet swim" camp. But really, if the pool is open to kids for a couple hours a day and I wanted a quiet swim, I would not be going during the kids' hours, because I'd expect them to be noisy and playful.

Different people need different things from a pool and that's why they have these designated times.

@cookiemonster2468 But really, if the pool is open to kids for a couple hours a day and I wanted a quiet swim, I would not be going during the kids' hours, because I'd expect them to be noisy and playful.

But it's not - it's 8am til 8pm during holidays  with two hours before and one or two hours after depending on the days which is unworkable if you have your own kids who are in school 8.30-2.45.

The massive kids hours has never been a problem (that I know of) because everyone I've come across who is a member has always treated it like a retirement village almost - where kids are fine and welcome but they have an entire dedicated pool to themselves if they want to do boisterous play (it's literally right beside the main pool and about half the size so not tiny - I'm not talking about a toddler size paddling pool) and if they're in the pool where people (other kids or adults) are trying to swim they need to respect others?