WIBU? How much do you parent your children in the pool?

[justkeepswimmingandoverthinkin]

To set the scene: private spa type place attached to a non-chain hotel in a non-particularly touristy area. I’d say about 80% of the members are retirees as the facilities are small and it doesn’t really compete with the likes of David Lloyds / Ballentynes etc despite charging more. I only joined with my kids (who get set hours after school + all day weekends & holidays) because an elderly relative prefers the smaller, quieter setting.

We go together most mornings and I take the kids a couple of nights a week. Sometimes we’ll be the only people there and sometimes everyone will be sharing lanes and moving over to let others past.

All good.

So when I take my kids (6 and 11) there are rules (unless we’re the only ones there).
⁃ You want to play shark etc you go in the kids pool.
⁃ If you’re in the adult pool you’re swimming in lanes (one needs help and still at the V splashy stage so we use the lane closest to the side so people can avoid us and I’ll lift her up if Betty with her perm is passing so we don’t soak her).
⁃ If you just want to float around, fine, but stay in a lane if there are other people trying to swim.
⁃ Respect other people and try not to get in others’ way / soak them etc.

I thought this was normal and honestly the only other kids I’ve seen have been babies having a float with their parent in the lane nearest the wall (and I don’t care if they splash me - they’re babies!), or older teens just swimming normally. The handful of times there have been kids ages with mine the parents have all been doing similar - that I’ve noticed.

Obviously if this was a fun type pool with flumes and a wave machine then all bets are off and kids will be kids.

So - AIBU? Is this normal? Would you expect the same in this situation or are the kids entitled to do otherwise because we’re paying members using the set child hours and if people don’t want to be bothered by children they should go when they’re at school?

I ask because I went alone this morning - completely forgetting that English half-term is different from ours. There were 3 families there and it was just COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. They were all loud, splashing, and using the entire pool (basically what you’d expect kids to be doing in a “fun” pool).

One particular family of 3 children (ages with mine) was the worst. Nobody could swim a single length without having to stand up or swim around them. My hair was drenched. Everyone was drenched. I know swimming caps exist but I've never ever needed one for 40 mins worth of breaststroke or even when I've been teaching my youngest to swim. An elderly lady got hit in the face. Another almost knocked over. Forget the fact it’s supposed to be 2 under 14s per adult, this Dad had 3 of them and he sat on one of the chairs at the side the entire time and didn’t tell them off or adjust their behaviour or tell them to take it to the kids pool once. Not even when the lady got hit. Adults were practically on top of each other trying to avoid these kids and I just couldn’t believe anyone would be so oblivious to this?!

But… nobody else seemed to say anything. No passive aggressive tuts or slightly longer than normal stares (except maybe me one or twice haha! I was just so shocked and couldn't help checking if he just wasn't seeing this - but he was!).

So, while I would never let my kids behave to that extreme - are my rules militant in comparison? Is there some happy medium that most parents do and most adults accept and I should give my kids more free reign?

They don’t dislike the way things are - they absolutely love it - but I’m not going to lie it CAN be exhausting sometimes feeling like I have to have eyes on the non-swimmer, while making sure the older swimmer isn’t just drifting around in front of people, while keeping track of who is swimming by so I don’t soak them, while reminding them to shout across the pool and the other swimmers at each other.

And I feel like the Dad was definitely being unreasonable but feel free to change my mind. Is it me or him or both of us?

I am a member of a health club which is attached to an hotel.
There is a gym and a pool with steam room jaccuzzi sauna.

The pool is small. Sime of the lanes are roped off. Majority of people go there to swim the lanes only, generally they are older.
My daughter and I are both members and we take my grandson.
We are very mindful of the personal space some of these people make us aware of and we try very hard not to offend.
It is hard when we walk in and we see their faces and that is before we have even dipped a toe in !
Some sessions are good when there are not many folks swimming and some are just fraught as we try to keep our exuberant toddler under control as all the lanes are taken and we have only the edge to enjoy our swim.
Some of these older folks are very rude, and some of them are wonderful. You never know what it will be like until you get there.
I am of a very similar age to some of these people. My daughter says they are not like me.
Age is a state of mind I think.

@vivainsomnia

However, you do have to expect that hotel pools open to kids are going to have kids in them Yes, expect them to play in what was designed for them, the kids' pool.

I go to a large gym and the rules are quite easy. Lane means swimming, not playing. End of.

I wouldn't expect to be able to swim uninterrupted in a pool without lanes, so I don't.

If kids play in a lane, I tell them to move away.

A typical kids pool is not going to be suitable for an 11 year old.

A gym pool is not the same as a pool attached to a hotel. Hotel pools are there for the guests to use as much as for members of the GP who use it.

I think kids should behave in a way that doesn't badly affect the others using the pool. So, the excess splashing and whatever they were doing to hit someone in the face is not on. They need to be considerate of others and taking over the whole pool is not on.

Obviously the other users need to be considerate of the kids but the kids' behaviour as described in the OP is not on.

It's a shared space, not a kids' pool so everyone has to behave accordingly.

@SoupDragon

I think kids should behave in a way that doesn't badly affect the others using the pool. So, the excess splashing and whatever they were doing to hit someone in the face is not on. They need to be considerate of others and taking over the whole pool is not on.

Obviously the other users need to be considerate of the kids but the kids' behaviour as described in the OP is not on.

I agree with this, but I also think we have to accept that kids use the pool in a very different way from adults - they're not going to be doing lengths! Instead, they're going to be playing and that may mean that they make some noise and that a section of the pool is not available to adults to swim lengths, especially if it is busy. But the excess splashing, screaming and banging into others is unacceptable.

Yabu expecting to swim and not get your head wet.

It's not unreasonable to expect kids to be supervised and considerate (no one should be getting hit!) But if it's a session that allows children and there are already 2 lanes sectioned off, that would suggest to me that the remaining area was free for children to play in. The fact that the two lanes require booking/are so restricted would be the part I would be questioning as a lane swimmer.

Also if you are expecting to be able to swim a full interrupted length in the remaining part and not get splashed at all, unless it's a huge pool, if there are already 2 lanes sectioned off, you are effectively saying the children need to be restricted to a narrow lane along a wall - which isnt really a space that allows children to play at all?

It sounds to me like really you want to swim in a dedicated lane session (likely to be for over 16s). You'd be better campaigning for a couple of dedicated lane sessions each day that allow this.

@vivainsomnia no-one is disputing that lane swimming should be for that, but the OP has said this is an open area

Nor has anyone said that their kids rule the world and they should be entitled to do what they want and if others are not happy, they should go elsewhere.. Everyone should be aware of people around them and consciously try to accommodate everyone, but that cuts both ways in terms of people who want to swim seriously should remember they probably got to be good swimmers by being lucky enough to be able to spend many hours playing in pools when they were young.
Yes, expect them to play in what was designed for them, the kids' pool
As has been said many times, most kids' pools are designed for pre-schoolers and non-swimmers. The 6 or 7+ age group need deeper water and greater distances to swim (where they are swimmers - I realise this age will vary).

I wouldn't expect to be able to swim uninterrupted in a pool without lanes, so I don't.
If kids play in a lane, I tell them to move away.

Quite, as would most people. However, this isn't what was happening in the OP's pool. They were having fun in the open part of the pool.

@Kite22, I read it that it was all lanes.

Well, I wasn't there, so may be wrong, but this is what gave me the impression there is a pool with a "do what you want" area, with the side cordoned off for lane swimming :

There are two set swimming lanes but it's one person per lane and you have to schedule a 20min slot. They were all full for the next hour understandably. Everyone actually naturally migrated to the side of the pool nearest the cordoned off lanes, trying to do the whole clockwise + overtaking thing you do when the pool is busy but it was just impossible.

[quote Kite22]**@vivainsomnia no-one is disputing that lane swimming should be for that, but the OP has said this is an open area

Nor has anyone said that their kids rule the world and they should be entitled to do what they want and if others are not happy, they should go elsewhere.. Everyone should be aware of people around them and consciously try to accommodate everyone, but that cuts both ways in terms of people who want to swim seriously should remember they probably got to be good swimmers by being lucky enough to be able to spend many hours playing in pools when they were young.
Yes, expect them to play in what was designed for them, the kids' pool
As has been said many times, most kids' pools are designed for pre-schoolers and non-swimmers. The 6 or 7+ age group need deeper water and greater distances to swim (where they are swimmers - I realise this age will vary).

I wouldn't expect to be able to swim uninterrupted in a pool without lanes, so I don't.
If kids play in a lane, I tell them to move away.

Quite, as would most people. However, this isn't what was happening in the OP's pool. They were having fun in the open part of the pool.[/quote]
I think the response @vivainsomnia was referring to was the one a couple of posts up saying:

Yerroblemom1923

Kids need exercise, surely we're all acutely aware of that so just let them be and crack on with life.

Pretty much “kids should be entitled to do what they want”.

And honestly I agree with her post. The only way I’ve been able to continue swimming as a hobby is to join an expensive club where kids hours are almost non-existent. Parents where I live seem to consider that pools are for kids only, not a shared space. I’ve had to somewhere that effectively band them.

The simple truth is the UK has far too few swimming pools. People turn to private sector options that arent actually big enough because there are so few public pools.

Where I live waiting lists are long for childrens lessons, most pools were largely inaccessible to children through Covid.

"Children's" pools can be as little as 80 or 90cm deep and are often tiny, they are no good at all for a junior school aged child having fun racing a sibling or practising diving/swimming underwater etc.

I'm guessing the children in the OP weren't in the children's pool because it wasnt suited to older children who can swim strongly.