WIBU? How much do you parent your children in the pool?

[justkeepswimmingandoverthinkin]

To set the scene: private spa type place attached to a non-chain hotel in a non-particularly touristy area. I’d say about 80% of the members are retirees as the facilities are small and it doesn’t really compete with the likes of David Lloyds / Ballentynes etc despite charging more. I only joined with my kids (who get set hours after school + all day weekends & holidays) because an elderly relative prefers the smaller, quieter setting.

We go together most mornings and I take the kids a couple of nights a week. Sometimes we’ll be the only people there and sometimes everyone will be sharing lanes and moving over to let others past.

All good.

So when I take my kids (6 and 11) there are rules (unless we’re the only ones there).
⁃ You want to play shark etc you go in the kids pool.
⁃ If you’re in the adult pool you’re swimming in lanes (one needs help and still at the V splashy stage so we use the lane closest to the side so people can avoid us and I’ll lift her up if Betty with her perm is passing so we don’t soak her).
⁃ If you just want to float around, fine, but stay in a lane if there are other people trying to swim.
⁃ Respect other people and try not to get in others’ way / soak them etc.

I thought this was normal and honestly the only other kids I’ve seen have been babies having a float with their parent in the lane nearest the wall (and I don’t care if they splash me - they’re babies!), or older teens just swimming normally. The handful of times there have been kids ages with mine the parents have all been doing similar - that I’ve noticed.

Obviously if this was a fun type pool with flumes and a wave machine then all bets are off and kids will be kids.

So - AIBU? Is this normal? Would you expect the same in this situation or are the kids entitled to do otherwise because we’re paying members using the set child hours and if people don’t want to be bothered by children they should go when they’re at school?

I ask because I went alone this morning - completely forgetting that English half-term is different from ours. There were 3 families there and it was just COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. They were all loud, splashing, and using the entire pool (basically what you’d expect kids to be doing in a “fun” pool).

One particular family of 3 children (ages with mine) was the worst. Nobody could swim a single length without having to stand up or swim around them. My hair was drenched. Everyone was drenched. I know swimming caps exist but I've never ever needed one for 40 mins worth of breaststroke or even when I've been teaching my youngest to swim. An elderly lady got hit in the face. Another almost knocked over. Forget the fact it’s supposed to be 2 under 14s per adult, this Dad had 3 of them and he sat on one of the chairs at the side the entire time and didn’t tell them off or adjust their behaviour or tell them to take it to the kids pool once. Not even when the lady got hit. Adults were practically on top of each other trying to avoid these kids and I just couldn’t believe anyone would be so oblivious to this?!

But… nobody else seemed to say anything. No passive aggressive tuts or slightly longer than normal stares (except maybe me one or twice haha! I was just so shocked and couldn't help checking if he just wasn't seeing this - but he was!).

So, while I would never let my kids behave to that extreme - are my rules militant in comparison? Is there some happy medium that most parents do and most adults accept and I should give my kids more free reign?

They don’t dislike the way things are - they absolutely love it - but I’m not going to lie it CAN be exhausting sometimes feeling like I have to have eyes on the non-swimmer, while making sure the older swimmer isn’t just drifting around in front of people, while keeping track of who is swimming by so I don’t soak them, while reminding them to shout across the pool and the other swimmers at each other.

And I feel like the Dad was definitely being unreasonable but feel free to change my mind. Is it me or him or both of us?

Yabu, the kids have as much right to be there as the elderly ladies imo. And passive aggressive tuts would drive me bonkers. They need to have a slow/calm lane for the elderly ladies, why not suggest it to management

lovely attitude. An elderly lady was hit in the face. When you'Re elderly you will be moaning about this.

The ageism here is appalling. Keep control of your kids.

OP - i would have complained immediately to the staff.

@TooManyPJs

I agree with you OP. I don't use my local pool as its constantly full of children with very, very limited adult only/land swimming times at inconvenient times. I therefore feel forced to pay a lot of money to attend a club with a small pool a little like you describe. I would be cross if that were also full of screaming, splashing children. If children also want to use such a pool I agree they should be respectful of other pool users who are paying a lot of money for the privilege. If children want to have loud boisterous play there are plenty of other pools where they can do that.

Thankfully, the pool I use has stopped children's access altogether.

Exactly this - came here to say the same thing. Used to go to my local pool but they’d arbitrarily remove the lanes even during the lane swimming time, and when I suggested adult only times they looked at me like I was bonkers.

I’m now with bannatynes which has very restricted children’s hours and that suits me much better. When I was at the local pool I saw behaviour exactly like the OP described, so I can entirely believe that it happened.

OP, YANBU and I wish everyone was like you. You’re doing your kids a service, not just in swimming teaching but also in knowing how to behave as adults.

@nocoolnamesleft

YANBU. Hitting an elderly woman in the face and nearly knocking over another one is not acceptable, or safe, behaviour.

This. Surprised/not surprised others think this is OK. I mean clearly the dad didn't give a shit, wouldn't be surprising other parents wouldn't either.

I don't mind noisy children in a pool; I have my own, if it was busy I'd herd them to one lane and we'd practice strokes. I think children on holiday get a bit overexcited hence the noise and splashing.

You don't "parent" kids in a pool.

You supervise them so they are safe and don't get in other peoples' way.

I ask because I went alone this morning - completely forgetting that English half-term is different from ours

half terms vary across England, it's not an Eng/Wales or Eng/Scotland difference

Are you talking about Celtic manor pool?

I think if it's set up in lanes I wouldn't expect loads of kids to be splashing about when there is a kids pool available, regardless of holidays.

Obviously hitting anyone in the pool is not on.

However, you do have to expect that hotel pools open to kids are going to have kids in them, and that they are not going to necessarily swim nicely up and down staying out of the way of people trying to swim in lanes.

If the pool is all lanes it's not suitable at that time for non swimmers (adults or kids), others are paying their membership to actually swim and it is bloody infuriating when people ignore lane etiquette.

Any pool I've been to whether council / pool / gym / hotel has had set lane swimming or half lanes and half non lanes. Sounds more like crap management to me.

@FTEngineerM

Are you talking about Celtic manor pool?

No, she said she was in Scotland.

YANBU. Isn't it just common sense to teach children to respect those around them?

Also, there's a kid's pool! Why weren't they there?

I agree it’s a management issue. Lanes are for swimming and open areas for playing, or exercise. If the kids pool is suitable for playing then they need to designate that and sign it clearly. Plus an adult only period is sensible. If the regular members are important to the management they should listen to their concerns.

There are multiple ways to be a swimming pool twat. The worst parenting fail is those who stand by while their darlings scream and shriek for no fucking reason.

My comments to last night I think related to what we did as a family last weekend.

We - a family of 2 adults a 12yr old and an 8yr old who are both competent swimmers - booked overnight in a hotel with a pool. There were other reasons to go away but the reason we picked this particular hotel was because it had a pool we could use included. This pool was also open to members of its own gym/club. We were told we could not use the pool before 8am, after 6?pm And for 1 hour over lunch as it was adults only.

The pool was not massive - maybe 12m in length, 7/8m wide. There was 1 roped lane of maybe 2m wide on 1 side. And in addition there was a toddler pool (about 8inches deep) and a jacuzzi/hot tub.

My kids were told to stay out of the lane unless there was noone else in it and they wanted to swim lengths. Beyond that they were told to be sensible - which for them means following what they are told in lessons about no running, not diving in because the signs said it was shallow etc. I would not have stopped them splashing about. They spent alot of time racing each other up and down - but slowed up if there were smaller kids about. We adults spent their time in and out of the pool/jacuzzi/sauna/steam room but 1 of us could see the kids at all time.

Would I have got involved if my child had caught someone? No not unless either my child didn't seem to be coping or the person they caught turned on them or someone looked seriously hurt. They are old enough to make their own apologies.

We did have a couple of 'Swan necked tutters' thinking they could swim the rest of the pool (3 abreast a 1 point!) and expect the kids (there were more than my 2 in there) to move at times. We generally just ignored them (they had a lane and chose not to use it).

I think there are always problems with these kind of facilities where there are multi purpose set ups (which probably enable them to survive financially) especially when the pool is small. The likes of David Lloyd have similar issues and the larger council pools are usually unavailable during the day/school term because of swimming lessons. Realistically the gym going swimmer doesn't pay enough to maintain a good sized pool just for their type. I think the only thing you can do is be aware of the timetables/changes for school holidays when you join a club and make your choices. Or speak to the management about changing the lane set up?

YABVU to expect to swim without getting your hair wet! And likewise to make a fuss if you get splashed. Older sedate swimmers can splash as well (e.g. if their front crawl is a bit inefficient).
But YANBU to expect the dad to follow the rules.

if people don’t want to be bothered by children they should go when they’re at school?
In general, yes, and if this is a problem in half term they could set up family vs lanes hours for that week. My local (council) pool has had a lengths lane, a swimming lesson lane, and a splashing area during half term, which is different to normal school day options.

Laughing at you moaning about getting 'drenched' in a swimming pool 😅

There should be restrictions: 4-5pm 'Funtime' swimming/playing etc, and also a set time for lane swimming. Other times a mix like what you have been doing. I'd approach management about it - in half term the fun time swim hours could be extended to a few more sessions during the day (like 10-12 and again at 3--5, and Lane swim 8-10 and 1-2, with the rest mixed). This should keep both sides happy.

I therefore feel forced to pay a lot of money to attend a club with a small pool a little like you describe. I would be cross if that were also full of screaming, splashing children

But presumably the parents of the children have also paid a lot of money too - presumably more for family membership.

Also, there's a kid's pool! Why weren't they there?

Generally, if there is a little pool next to a proper pool, then that is either toddler pool or what they call a learner pool, which tends to only be usable for children up to about 5 yrs. The OP said the dc in the family were older than that. Mine were all strong swimmers in that sort of KS2 age - they would enjoy jumping in, diving for things off the bottom, practising tumble turns etc etc. You can't do that in under 1m of water.

It is definitely a management and timetabling issue.
None of us know how big the pool is - I think the OP said there were lanes set up.
I know it is an issue - you can rarely get to swim a decent distance in our local pool unless you get up at the crack of dawn, as it is booked for "fun sessions", swimming lessons, things like scuba diving club and synchro swimming practice and rookie lifeguard practice, and goodness knows what else. There aren't enough pools for all the people that want to use them.
So it is down to the management to do their best to share out the time - same as at the pool the OP uses. In order for the management to know there is an issue though, OP needs to go and speak to them, or e-mail them about the issue, and possibly make suggestions of how it might be better.

Kids need exercise, surely we're all acutely aware of that so just let them be and crack on with life.

Interesting question, this. We go to a similar pool. My rule is - if the lanes are out (the ropes are in the pool) then no messing about, lane swimming only. During 'open swim' with no lane ropes, stick to one corner of the pool if you have children, so that others can still manage some lanes. However, during half term, all bets are off! I never go to swim lanes during school hols as the pool is usually rammed with children and they have every right to play and splash about during the open swim sessions.

This thread really show the attitude of a growing number of parents who think that their kids rule the world and they should be entitled to do what they want and if others are not happy, they should go elsewhere.

This is why I hate hotel swimming pools. The scene you describe is typical. Parents who let their kids play hammock in the pool whilst they get to relax, or talk, and ignore their kids, everyone being disturbed and not able to enjoy the pool.

Kids have as many rights as adults to enjoy the pools, but just like adults, they need to respect other people presence. Parents should be teaching their kids what this means instead of feeling entitled to a lazy break.

Good on you OP for teaching your kids to be respectful of others around you. Yes it's hard work, but that's our parental duties.

I hate lazy parents who hide behind the 'kids are kids and should be allowed to do what they want irrespective of others around them'.

Incidentally - during the pandemic most pools didn't reopen to children even when they reopened for adults - or had one 2-hour session a week or something, bookable for 6 kids in total. Loads of children have missed out on swimming and I think they should be encouraged into any pools as much as possible even if it's annoying for adults. They'll be at school next week, I think everyone should such it up.

However, you do have to expect that hotel pools open to kids are going to have kids in them
Yes, expect them to play in what was designed for them, the kids' pool.

I go to a large gym and the rules are quite easy. Lane means swimming, not playing. End of.

I wouldn't expect to be able to swim uninterrupted in a pool without lanes, so I don't.

If kids play in a lane, I tell them to move away.

Loads of children have missed out on swimming and I think they should be encouraged into any pools as much as possible even if it's annoying for adults
And another 'my kids are more important than anyone else'. I don't care one bit about your kids as you care about me. So the alternative is to mutually respect eachother.

Your kids' needs or more likely your need to entertain your kids don't overule anyone' else's reason to enjoy the pool! I dare to think how entitled these kids are going to grow when that's how they are being raised.

Hotel pools are always like this, that's why the proper gyms are more expensive.