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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a man I don’t know staying with us?

67 replies

Sexnotgender · 22/02/2022 18:42

This might be long. I’ll try and be concise!

SIL lives overseas (a significant flight away), no easy access to EU.

Her marriage is over and filing for divorce.

She’s in a “platonic” apparently relationship with a guy who lives in Europe.

She announced to us the other day that she’s coming to stay with us at Easter.

And this guy is coming too! I was a bit blindsided and didn’t say anything. We were on FaceTime.

Am I wrong not to want this random bloke she met on Tinder to come stay in my house?

Honestly the whole thing is weird.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sexnotgender · 22/02/2022 18:42

I should say I do like SIL, she’s lovely but quite hard work.

OP posts:
WouldIwasShookspeared · 22/02/2022 18:43

Not at all. There's nothing wrong with contacting her and saying sorry, but he cannot stay.

SNUG2022 · 22/02/2022 18:44

How long for? How well does she know him?

WouldIwasShookspeared · 22/02/2022 18:44

Also... Platonic male friend she met on tinder? Yeah. Platonic three times a night. 🙄

Moody123 · 22/02/2022 18:44

Not at all, is their an AirBnB close by?

Sharrowgirl · 22/02/2022 18:45

Depends how well she knows him and how serious their relationship is.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 22/02/2022 18:45

@SNUG2022

How long for? How well does she know him?
She does know him pretty well I think. He’s been to visit her and she’s been to visit him.

I don’t know how long for, she just said at Easter.

OP posts:
ohhooh · 22/02/2022 18:46

Oh no! I didn't realise you'd planned some decorating for Easter - isn't it sad your spare room will be out of action? The local travel lodge is very comfortable I'm sure 😊

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 22/02/2022 18:46

@WouldIwasShookspeared

Also... Platonic male friend she met on tinder? Yeah. Platonic three times a night. 🙄
Well indeed.

She swears nothing is going on romantically. They do a lot of travelling to see each other for a friendship.

OP posts:
Retrievemysanity · 22/02/2022 18:46

Do you have children? Absolutely no way would I have a man I’d never met in my house around my children.

Lunificent · 22/02/2022 18:47

She can’t announce she or anyone else is coming to stay. Obviously say no to him staying and only have her if you want to.
Also she’s your husband’s sister. He needs to deal with the issue.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 22/02/2022 18:47

@Moody123

Not at all, is their an AirBnB close by?
There’s loads of places to stay. I’m more than happy for SIL to stay with us.
OP posts:
Original poster
Sexnotgender · 22/02/2022 18:47

@Retrievemysanity

Do you have children? Absolutely no way would I have a man I’d never met in my house around my children.
Yes. 2 young children, baby and toddler.
OP posts:
Original poster
Sexnotgender · 22/02/2022 18:48

@Lunificent

She can’t announce she or anyone else is coming to stay. Obviously say no to him staying and only have her if you want to. Also she’s your husband’s sister. He needs to deal with the issue.
He will deal with it. He’s a good one 😊
OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 22/02/2022 18:48

YANBU but you need to say something and quickly.

Comedycook · 22/02/2022 18:48

Has she even met this man?

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 22/02/2022 18:48

@Comedycook

Has she even met this man?
Yes multiple times.
OP posts:
AnnaSW1 · 22/02/2022 18:49

With children in the house I'd just say no

SeasonFinale · 22/02/2022 18:49

As I live in a different country to my sister whenever she visited with her current boyfriend when younger I had never met them before they stayed. However I trusted my sister's judgment and would rather they came to visit rather than not visit which may have been the case were I to say your can't bring your friend because I haven't met them.

Ludo19 · 22/02/2022 18:49

No no no. Especially as you have children. I'm not saying he's a molester but you really don't know this guy from Adam.

Lockheart · 22/02/2022 18:52

@Retrievemysanity

Do you have children? Absolutely no way would I have a man I’d never met in my house around my children.
Better hope you never need a plumber then!

OP, YANBU to not want him to stay.

Divebar2021 · 22/02/2022 18:53

Do you have room for him? Presumably they’re not sharing a room. I would accommodate them if I could - he’s her friend. (I don’t really see why meeting on Tinder is relevant other than you don’t approve of it in general. )

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 22/02/2022 18:54

@Divebar2021

Do you have room for him? Presumably they’re not sharing a room. I would accommodate them if I could - he’s her friend. (I don’t really see why meeting on Tinder is relevant other than you don’t approve of it in general. )
I’ve got nothing against tinder in general 😂

We could make room for him if we moved one of the children out their room and in with us.

OP posts:
Elieza · 22/02/2022 18:55

Sounds like she split with her husband and her knee jerk reaction is to go on the hunt for a replacement?

I’d be speaking with her and saying that you don’t feel comfortable with a stranger staying in your house with your kids, and no offence, but if she’s bringing him it would be better if they stayed somewhere else.

Porridgealert · 22/02/2022 18:58

If I trusted my relative's judgement, it wouldn't bother me. My partner's best friend once stayed here and brought 2 mates with him. It wasn't a big deal.