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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a man I don’t know staying with us?

67 replies

Sexnotgender · 22/02/2022 18:42

This might be long. I’ll try and be concise!

SIL lives overseas (a significant flight away), no easy access to EU.

Her marriage is over and filing for divorce.

She’s in a “platonic” apparently relationship with a guy who lives in Europe.

She announced to us the other day that she’s coming to stay with us at Easter.

And this guy is coming too! I was a bit blindsided and didn’t say anything. We were on FaceTime.

Am I wrong not to want this random bloke she met on Tinder to come stay in my house?

Honestly the whole thing is weird.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sexnotgender · 22/02/2022 18:58

@Elieza

Sounds like she split with her husband and her knee jerk reaction is to go on the hunt for a replacement?

I’d be speaking with her and saying that you don’t feel comfortable with a stranger staying in your house with your kids, and no offence, but if she’s bringing him it would be better if they stayed somewhere else.

Potentially.

She’s not so much bringing him as meeting him in the uk as she can’t get into Europe.

OP posts:
Satingreenshutters · 22/02/2022 19:02

Hell no.

Keepyourheadscrewedon · 22/02/2022 19:03

Absolutely not a chance in hell. Tell her now and she can make alternative arrangements

balalake · 22/02/2022 19:05

Your house, your decision as to who stays there. Just say no now and don't wait.

grapewine · 22/02/2022 19:05

Do not turf your kid out of their roof for some stranger. SIL has quite some nerve just assuming he'll stay too.

saraclara · 22/02/2022 19:05

@AnnaSW1

With children in the house I'd just say no
So if he was her boyfriend, would you still say no?
grapewine · 22/02/2022 19:06

*their room.

peboh · 22/02/2022 19:07

Absolutely not.

"Hi sil, I'm really not okay with your male friend staying in my house as we've never met him before, and I just wouldn't feel comfortable having him sleep down the hallway from my children without knowing him a little while beforehand. Happy to give some recommendations for local hotels/b&bs for your friend if necessary"

I unfortunately wouldn't trust anybody I personally had never met sleeping in the same house as my child.

WallaceinAnderland · 22/02/2022 19:11

She announced to us the other day that she’s coming to stay with us at Easter.

What do you mean - did she not even ask if she could stay with you. Just tell her no, what are you afraid of.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 22/02/2022 19:15

@WallaceinAnderland

She announced to us the other day that she’s coming to stay with us at Easter.

What do you mean - did she not even ask if she could stay with you. Just tell her no, what are you afraid of.

I’m not afraid of anything?!

I was just checking I wasn’t being weird and precious.

OP posts:
Sunnytwobridges · 22/02/2022 19:16

I say you're NBU regardless if there are children in the house or not. Your safety is important too. But I watch a lot of true crime so it makes me extremely leery of letting anyone into my house, especially overnight.

Dibbydoos · 22/02/2022 19:17

@AnnaSW1

With children in the house I'd just say no
I'm with you AnnaSW1.

Honestly, the number of posts on here where people just invite themselves to stay is ridiculous. Def have the chat, but make it clear you are saying no because you have kids and you don't know this person.

parrotonthesofa · 22/02/2022 19:20

If I liked my sil and knew her well, I would not have a problem with this. I obviously wouldn't leave my kids alone with him but wouldn't mind him staying if close friend of sils. We have in the past had friends of trusted friends of family staying.

MzHz · 22/02/2022 19:23

I don’t get this “she announced..” bs.

You deal with it there and then and say, no, you’re not entwined to offer our home to host anyone, nor just announce you’re coming, you ask, and you run the risk that the answer is no. OR you wait for an invitation. To be clear, no invitation is being extended here SIL. The answer is no.”

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 22/02/2022 19:28

No way would he be staying. And I definitely wouldn’t be turfing my kid out of their room for a stranger. I’m anti putting adults up in children’s bedrooms generally, especially if they’re not known to the childrem.

2Gen · 22/02/2022 19:34

@Retrievemysanity

Do you have children? Absolutely no way would I have a man I’d never met in my house around my children.
I agree with this! YANBU but SIL certinly is. Even if I hadn't any children I would have to say no to a man I had never met before staying in my house. You won't be able to pop to the bathroom for a wee without covering right up, nor faff about in your pyjamas in the mornings. He'll be weeing and pooing in your toilet and having showers and you'd be expected to feed the bugger too. What if has has allergies or is finnicky? But if you have children, all the above is irrelevant because you then have a duty to say NO! as even your SIL doesn't know him well enough to guarantee he's safe. They can get a B&B or hotel or something and if they don't like it, TOUGH!
Original poster
Sexnotgender · 22/02/2022 19:45

@MzHz

I don’t get this “she announced..” bs.

You deal with it there and then and say, no, you’re not entwined to offer our home to host anyone, nor just announce you’re coming, you ask, and you run the risk that the answer is no. OR you wait for an invitation. To be clear, no invitation is being extended here SIL. The answer is no.”

Lol. I might be a little more diplomatic…
OP posts:
WonderfulYou · 22/02/2022 19:58

YANBU

Can they not get a hotel instead?

It’s a lot with such small kids even if he wasn’t coming.

Summerfun54321 · 22/02/2022 20:02

A man I don’t know staying in my house with my young kids - no way.

WallaceinAnderland · 22/02/2022 20:05

So you going to let her just announce that she's coming and accept it. Not even pull her up on her rudeness?

Crimesean · 22/02/2022 20:09

Just no. You can't have a random bloke sleeping in your house with your DC down the hall.

My parents did Air B&B pre-covid. If there were male guests I kept DS in our room if we stayed. It's not worth the risk.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 22/02/2022 20:12

@WallaceinAnderland

So you going to let her just announce that she's coming and accept it. Not even pull her up on her rudeness?
No, DH is going to speak to her.
OP posts:
Perpop · 22/02/2022 20:13

Absolutely not if you have children. Don’t be sorry about it! You’re protecting them from a stranger.

TheCountess666 · 22/02/2022 20:17

YANBU. You don't know him. Tell your SIL that it doesn't suit you and to find other accommodation to stay in whilst visiting.

WallaceinAnderland · 22/02/2022 20:18

Ah, apologies, I missed the fact that it's his sister. I hope he makes it clear that she can't take advantage of your hospitality.

I have a relative that used to visit but had to start being firm about '3 nights maximum' or whatever. I definitely would not have the random man staying over. Will your DH tell her he can't stay?

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