To not want a man I don’t know staying with us?

[Sexnotgender]

This might be long. I’ll try and be concise!

SIL lives overseas (a significant flight away), no easy access to EU.

Her marriage is over and filing for divorce.

She’s in a “platonic” apparently relationship with a guy who lives in Europe.

She announced to us the other day that she’s coming to stay with us at Easter.

And this guy is coming too! I was a bit blindsided and didn’t say anything. We were on FaceTime.

Am I wrong not to want this random bloke she met on Tinder to come stay in my house?

Honestly the whole thing is weird.

@WallaceinAnderland

Ah, apologies, I missed the fact that it's his sister. I hope he makes it clear that she can't take advantage of your hospitality.

I have a relative that used to visit but had to start being firm about '3 nights maximum' or whatever. I definitely would not have the random man staying over. Will your DH tell her he can't stay?

Yes he will. We’ve discussed it and he’s on the same page.

Nope. Nobody invites someone else to MY house.

Sod that he could be a right pain/weirdo and then he knows where you live. Nope. B&b or they don't come

@Sexnotgender

Do you often have the plumber sleep over?

[quote Marmelace]@Sexnotgender

Do you often have the plumber sleep over? [/quote]
Not regularly 😂

I am normally quite laid back but no, I would not like this one bit.

@saraclara if I don't already know them then you bet I am.

YANBU to think SiL shouldn't be inviting herself and friends to stay at your house.

I don't think I would be concerned that it was a man I didn't know. If it were SiL's boyfriend who I hadn't met I'd be okay with it. It's more that if it's a platonic friend (platonic friend met on Tinder seems odd, but does SiL have any reasona at all to lie about that?) of the opposite sex it means a separate bedroom finding and that sounds like it means compromising your comfort - which is more of an imposition and makes the whole inviting self thing worse.

He can stay in a hotel or something, if she wants to stay with you and you are fine with that great but I would tell her that you do not have the space as in another bedroom and if only friends they would need two rooms. Would not like to think a strange man has she even met him yet? in your house. if she can afford to travel then surely she can pay for hotel or b&b. Shocking that people just expect to stay with others without asking, would never do that but then again would also book my own accommodation so can come and go as I please. You have a young family that has to be your priority.

It is your husband's sister then let him talk to her and say it is not ok for him to stay and he is welcome over for dinner or going out for dinner all together but not sleeping in your house as none of you know him, does sis in law even know him or has she met him before or just online. No way then again I don't like anyone staying over.

@SeasonFinale

As I live in a different country to my sister whenever she visited with her current boyfriend when younger I had never met them before they stayed. However I trusted my sister's judgment and would rather they came to visit rather than not visit which may have been the case were I to say your can't bring your friend because I haven't met them.

I’m with you on this one. One of my best mates lives in Australia. When we visit, we usually do so with partners. I didn’t know her now husband, the first time they came to stay - and she didn’t know my ex fiancé. We trusted each other’s judgement, and just really wanted to all get to know one another. I’ve also visited her with my brother (family wedding trip, where we went alone). She’d not met him for 20 years, but we were welcomed with open arms. I think that I’d trust my friend/sibling’s judgement - but if you’re uncomfortable, you need to tell her now.

I don't get why someone informing you, to your face(time) that they are coming to stay, AND bring someone you have never met, not particularly want to is in any way different to you being able to inform them back that 'No, they won't be coming'

People like these don't give a shit about how rude they are being, why can't we be matter of fact and blunt about it by saying ''No, that's not going to happen'

The bloody cheek of her! I’d be uncomfortable with any stranger, male or female, staying in my home tbh. And, considering you’ll have to move one of your DC in with you to accommodate this man, means that you don’t exactly have the space for him anyway. Tell your DH to tell her he will need to stay elsewhere.

YADNBU

I would be a bit if it was just me and DH, but with little DCs in the house that's a definite no.

Glad your DH has your back on this.

Nope, I'd suggest alternative accommodation for them.
She may trust him but he is a complete stranger to you and needs to build trust before being welcomed in for overnight stays.

No way, just tell her the truth, you are not comfortable having a complete stranger staying with you, so ask her make sure he makes other arrangements for accommodation. SIL can choose to stay with you or not, that’s down to her.

This might be long. I’ll try and be concise!

It was really short :p

But YANBU, not in the slightest