You often read about the “bank of mum and dad”, but that’s something I’ve never been fortunate to experience. Unlike all of my friends (as far as I am aware), they’ve never been able to financially support me. I’ve had jobs since I was 15, and if I wanted or needed anything I had to pay for it myself as my parents simply couldn’t afford to. I had to pay for my piano lessons myself in the last few years as they struggled. (They did provide food and I didn’t have to pay rent though). I moved out when I turned 19 to go to university. From time to time I’d have to give them money, nothing huge just £5-£20 every now and again, but still a lot for a teenager in school. Absolutely nothing wrong with the above, just giving background.
In my late teens my parents nearly lost our home by defaulting on mortgage payments. My parents worked, but my dad was made redundant and was only able to pick up jobs every now and again. I have two younger siblings who were in school at this time. I’m 30 now, so this was all around the crash in between 07-09. In the end they managed to sell our house and downsize to smaller home in cash over an hour away from where we live.
They do work but on very low incomes - I don’t know if it’s this or just that they just seem to be awful with money management, or both. One of my grandparents regularly gives them money every month - they are a pensioner themselves. And there have been times I’ve had to help them out with money too.
I struggle to understand where the money goes if they don’t have a mortgage or children to look after. It’s definitely not gambling, they don’t drink or smoke. I know they must send money to family abroad from time to time, but I can’t imagine it being such a huge amount that they’d continue to struggle themselves and put my grandparent under pressure with?
I’m worried about their future, their pensions (if they even have any, I imagine it will be state only) and just what their expectations are. They are now 60 so still a few years away from being able to claim their pensions.
My mum mentions how she wants to retire soon but I don’t think there has been any detailed thought process around this. I have my own family to support and look after too, and my siblings also are not great with their money. I am starting to worry theres going to be an expectation of me as the eldest and “naturally responsible” child that I will be something they can continue to fall back on and be there to help them always. Of course if they ever needed real help I would, but I can’t do this always.
AIBU to sit them down and ask them about their finances and what their plans are for the future as a concerned child? I feel awful for my grandparent who only gets a state pension but is giving them a significant amount of this every month as they also worry! Or is it none of my business and should I just leave it until they ask for more money again?
AIBU = none of your business
AINBU = try and have a chat if concerned