My DS age 5.5 cries at all movies

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So I thought I'd take DS to see Sing 2 and I should have know better as he was hysterical through Paddington 2 a few weeks ago. He basically can't take ANY action/ adventure or emotional scenes as he gets worried and cries. But sing 2 doesn't have the same sort of scenes as Paddington. However DS cried the whole time, sobbed.

Where have I gone wrong? I would really love to watch a movie at home, but we can't and I just forgot really and booked the cinema for half term . Can I help him with this? I keep explaining it's all going to be ok and it's not real, it's a story. I don't know how he will grow out of it if he's can't watch anything.

For disclosure- DS is 5.5 in year one at school and quite happy to zap away on his computer games, sword fighting critters, racing and blasting. He's not much into TV now, but watched normal stuff Fireman Sam, Duggee, Octonauts when younger ( and still over his siblings shoulders) but he just wants to do the computer games these days, which is time limited by me, so to watch a movie would be a nice way to relax together with his younger siblings, who only seem to be scared by obviously scary stuff . AIBU and he'll be ok? He didn't ask to leave the film today, but he was exhausted by the emotion

Is this a control issue ? As in he's in control of the games but not the movies ? I'm flummoxed

Aw bless him. He sounds lovely! Some children are just more sensitive than others. It’s important not to make it into a problem/ issue and let him be himself.

The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping our children thrive when the world overwhelms them

^^
My friend recommended this book - her daughter was very sensitive when younger but she just nurtured her as herself and she is fine at 13. Sorry couldn’t do the link

Is it just in the cinema? The dark and loud music can be a bit intense for young ones. Like if he watches for example Paw Patrol on TV and isn’t scared of that then surely he’d manage the movie at home as it’s just a dragged out version of the same. But no need to force it if he’s not interested, he sounds lovely bless him!

Another interesting book for helping to understand very sensitive children is called the Orchid and the Dandelion.

You haven’t done anything wrong! Sounds like your son just has a lot of empathy for others which is actually a nice thing. He sounds like a sensitive wee soul.

DD was exactly like this. She sobbed through a muppet movie when she was about 7. She is quite anxious generally although this has improved hugely over the last few years.

I would say wait - it will sort itself out more than likely. Going to films isn't compulsory and I think DD was about 10 or 11 before she could really manage anything like this. She now loves the cinema!

She's 15 now and although she has no desire to watch a horror film (very sensibly) she's fine with most other genres!

DS1 (also year 1) is similar with films...though he'll happily watch "violent"/scary tv shows (as in Power Rangers, or the Lego Avengers cartoons).

I think it's the big emotions/swelling music in films he finds hard to watch. (He has got good emotional intelligence for his age, so I think "gets" some of the stuff that is meant to go above kids heads in movies).

Does yours like documentaries? We watch a lot of documentaries as a family (mainly engineering or animal ones). The toddler is entertained by shouting "truck!" or "grrr" at the tv and DS1 doesn't get upset by too many feelings.

My DS age 10 is the same and always has been. It started with Finding Nemo years ago. He sobbed at the opening scene where the mummy fish dies and it scarred him for life! He refuses to go to the cinema even now but will now watch some gentle cartoony type films as long as they’re not too emotional or scary. Hes nuts coming round to things like Star Wars.

He’s a highly sensitive soul too.
I’d recommend the book above too. You’ve not done anything wrong!

*just

Paddington 2 was a watched at home. DS been to the cinema twice due to having little siblings. I remember DH took him to the paw patrol movie as he asked to go and he cried as Chase is abandoned as a pup in the city.

My son,9 was the same, he is getting much better now and enjoys a film but never rewatches anything and becomes restless at the tense parts.
He loves Star Wars and we watched The Book Of Bobba Fett together. He sobbed on the last episode. He really understood the symbolism of a weapon Bobba uses and the emotion behind his choice.
Like others have said, he has a high level of emotional intelligence and is a sensitive soul.
He struggled with Paddington too!

I wasn't dissimilar to this - I was imaginative and fairly empathetic, and struggled to regulate my feelings. I couldn't stop feeling sad about Dumbo for days after I saw it. I still have to be a little bit careful what media I consume because it sticks with me, and I cry at almost everything, but there's nothing 'wrong' with me per se. Just feelings very close to the surface, I think.

I have a friend who has always cried at every single movie they watch. She’s always been that way, it’s just her, I’m a little bit like that as well, and only really watch movies I feel comfortable with. Like others , they just can be a bit much. My daughter tends to cry at movies as well. I just think it’s something some of us do more than others. Maybe just be sparing in taking him to the cinema, or just reassure him it’s actually ok to cry if something is emotional in a film. It’s no big deal really.

Also my daughters school warns us if they will watch a movie so I tend to watch it with her at home first so she gets most of the crying out of her system at home.

Good idea about documentaries, will research what's suitable and he likes that car shop fix up show, just not sure the little ones are so keen.

We used to check the ratings for "mild peril." That was what my son hated - peril. He liked a story where everything was fairly OK and the only problem to overcome was quite minor, but he didn't like anything with clear danger - pain, kidnap, villains threatening to stab or kill for example - or people screaming in terror and stuff.

Which is fair. It was less about sensitivity and more that he clearly understood the threat at stake. Being murdered isn't nice, and some kids really understand that. Others aren't as fussed because they haven't figured out what 'dead' means yet.

He liked Cars a lot. The only obstacle the hero has to overcome in that is his own personality flaws and he does so in warm, positive ways.

Don't watch Cars 2. It was heavily criticised upon release for depictions of cars being painfully tortured until they die, and other cars repeatedly referring to shooting, killing and dying. This is the sort of thing plenty of kids want to avoid.

Be a bit wary of older children's films. The threats to kill, stab, cut, burn, hang and dismember are much more common than they are nowadays.

You just need to be more aware of the content of these films. Sing involved a criminal gang who pressured a young son into acting for them. That's some complicated, heavy stuff for kids who can actually pick up on the emotion involved. I've no idea of the plot of Sing 2 but it might go down the same lines, with physical danger or the threat of family disharmony.

Just to add I mean "little kids films" in all of the above examples - I'd never show him anything higher rated. I was referring to Disney/Pixar movies for children in the above. It's just surprising how many 'kids' films include death threats, and for the kids who are actually listening to the words, it can be quite shocking.

@EdithRea I think most films seem to have peril now I'm thinking about it. He did like the film cars (1) , when he was a younger although we would spilt it as it's so long , it was something that really captured his imagination.

To be fair, I cry at pretty much all films too...

My DD is 3.5 and only recently started watching movies but she is also sensitive so I'm quite tight with that she watches. As she's younger these might not be as great suggestions for your DS but movies she likes that haven't upset her: Frozen, Frozen 2, Cinderella (the really old animation), all the Winnie the Pooh films, all the Octonauts films, CBeebies Night Before Christmas (first and only thing she's seen in the cinema), Peppa Pig movie.

Just another perspective to add...at least he can sit through a whole film at the cinema at 5.5y! My 6yo cannot sit still long enough to watch a whole film so he has never been to the cinema.

Sounds like you have a wee one who is empathetic. Nothing wrong with this. See it as a positive.

My DS is similar, and as others have said it's that he understands the peril and it's really real for him. Paddington was a big fail as he couldn't get past the bit at the beginning where Paddington's family died.

Like others, documentaries have been a big hit. He loves David Attenborough, and is fine with peril there such as animals being hunted, I think because you don't become emotional invested in the same way you do when it's a main character. As well as the nature programs on the BBC which his younger siblings mostly tolerate rather than enjoy, the Victorian farm etc series (some of which are on Amazon prime) has been very successful with all 3 kids. He also likes bake off ;) when it's on.

I carried my sobbing almost 4 year old out of sing2 two weeks ago at the cinema. She also sobbed when Ryder lost his confidence in paw patrol movie and had to leave. Exactly the same with every film we have tried at home too. Oh also the pantomime at Christmas 🙈.
She isn't really a TV fan either though.
There are many things she does enjoy and would rather bond and relax over a board game so I just try to go with it and try a film every few months 🤷.
She is obsessed with frozen but she's never even seen it!!

Paddington 2 has a PG rating, which would suggest that it isn't suitable for many 5 year olds anyway. I would stick to films specifically aimed at young children.

Aw mine was exactly the same. He's 7 now and quite a bit better. But I'll never forget Toy Story 4. Or Paddington.

Thing is, they don't know the conventions that we've internalised. I know they aren't going to kill off a beloved children's character in a highly lucrative franchise. But they don't.

"Mild peril" was the worst for my DS, particularly cartoons. Virtually every U film has a chase scene that would overload him. We've done a bit better with PGs.

I would just say don't push him. It doesn't get him over it, it entrenches the fear.

Mine's 13 and still not a fan but we have a handful that he will watch. Cool Runnings is one. Lounge diners are out of fashion but ours works brilliantly. DC can be at the dining table doing a puzzle or Lego, and being around us without having to watch the film.