Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would this upset you?

65 replies

halbejqgwjdhsjshdkdhdj · 21/02/2022 11:55

I live in a deprived area, it's actually on the news fairly frequently as it is the most deprived area in our large city. (not London though)
My children's school has quite a few children living in high rise flats,have free school meals, food banks and clothes banks etc are common.

Every nursery and reception child need waterproof overalls and wellies to be kept at school.
When my oldest started at this school we lived in a flat, I was a single parent on benefits.
We used our wellies daily to get out of the filthy flat. I couldn't afford the overalls but sent in stained joggers to be used outside, even if they were put on over the school trousers that would be OK.
I used to ask if I could have the wellies back after school every day and the teacher are a massive fuss, nobody else took theirs home, blah blah blah.
it was embarrassing and upsetting.

I don't mean to judge, but she had a nice car, nice clothes, a career, and a posh accent. She was clearly the kind of person that chose to work in a deprived school so she could help us little paupers out.
She kept asking me when we were going to get the overalls and she said 'they are only £15 on amazon' at the time I was fucking freezing in the draughty damp flat with a new baby unable to heat the one room because the storage heater cost £2+ a day. which I couldn't afford.

Me and the children's dad got back together and he works so we could afford the overalls and I found a pair of wellies in the second hand shop to leave at school.

Now a few years later we are better off financially.
and I get a news letter when my younger child is in nursery asking for parents to donate their old wellies.
I think Halelujah! they aren't going to make the people round here buy extra wellies to keep at school! they are asking for some to keep there as school wellies that the children can use!
So I ask around for wellies and give a few pairs.
feeling like finally i am given closure for the whole ordeal with the teacher not getting we can't afford firsts, never mind multiples.

A couple of months go by and my daughter comes home with a wellie boot full of compost with a little plant growing. I cried. They wanted the boots to be used as planters or pots. Which didn't work anyway because there were no drainage holes so the plant was sad and drowning anyway.
I would have donated £5 for them to buy pots. or they could have pot noodle pots or other kinds of upcycled rubbish destined for landfill but they used wellies that they expected to buy 2 pairs of for one child. It just seems so wasteful and out of touch with the reality of how people are living in that area. if it was a private school ot wouldn't seem like such a punch to the gut (but it'd still seem wasteful and inappropriate for plants as pots should have good drainage anyway.

This was last year so it's old news now. I just thought I'd shar

OP posts:
00100001 · 21/02/2022 11:57

Donate your stuff to baby banks etc

halbejqgwjdhsjshdkdhdj · 21/02/2022 11:57

Posted too early.
I just thought I'd share to see if maybe I should bring it up before next year's planting activities begin.

YABU- don't bring it up its no big deal and you are overreacting because of your personal circumstances

YANBU- bring it up to the teacher and offer different solutions/ perspective on why it might be a little harsh to waste good shoes in a low income area

OP posts:
halbejqgwjdhsjshdkdhdj · 21/02/2022 11:59

010101 I usually donate to a charity ship that is almost exclusively for children's clothing. I buy most of my children's clothes from there as its aim is not only to raise money for charity but to keep costs low and things easy to find for low income parents.

OP posts:
Whatsonmymindgrapes · 21/02/2022 12:00

Yanbu. The teacher was very insensitive. Only 15! That’s a lot of money to some people she shouldn’t have kept on at you.

NoSquirrels · 21/02/2022 12:01

Bring it up. Please do.

I was reading your initial part of the post thinking - bloody hell, at any schools I’ve been involved with a shout-out would be put in the newsletter for spare waterproofs and wellies, or the PTA would fundraise. I’m not surprised you cried when you got the planted welly back.

Tell the school. Tell the headteacher if you think that particular teacher isn’t sympathetic.

DoctorSnortles · 21/02/2022 12:01

Bring it up. All schools are supposed to be ‘poverty proofing’ and your suggestion for donated wellies for those who can’t afford them is a perfect example. Suggest the same for Christmas jumper day, too.

LorelaiDeservedBetter · 21/02/2022 12:07

Bring it up. You don't need to frame it in your dislike of the teacher. That's irrelevant.

Cakequeen1988 · 21/02/2022 12:10

This is madness and I would be upset too!

In area as you describe they should collect old wellies and keep them at school, a pair allocated to each child. The breadth of sizing for reception children is small and so year on year these wellies could be reused and not cause financial hardship and stress!

I am not in a particularly poor area but I too could not afford 2 pairs of wellies when my child was in reception but I was lucky they let me take mine home without a fuss

halbejqgwjdhsjshdkdhdj · 21/02/2022 12:14

@NoSquirrels I don't think she is unsympathetic but she almost certainly doesn't understand the life of people who live on the bottom rung.

quite a few of the teachers have a sort of way about them, they definitely seem like they think they are here to 'help' us poor folk out as an act of charity. It was quite jarring when my child first moved here. Quite a few of the parents agree with me that the school is almost 'too posh' for us.
I know it seems really judgemental but I do tend to feel quite small when talking to a few of them, very patronised and other parents have agreed and some have brought it up to me on their own so it's not just me.

OP posts:
halbejqgwjdhsjshdkdhdj · 21/02/2022 12:15

@LorelaiDeservedBetter

Bring it up. You don't need to frame it in your dislike of the teacher. That's irrelevant.
I don't dislike her, I just feel like I am spoken to as a charity case. which which suppose makes me dislike her.
OP posts:
ParkheadParadise · 21/02/2022 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

frostedfruit · 21/02/2022 12:17

Ridiculous using perfectly good wellies as plant pots. I'd be livid and make a complaint. You can make plant pots out of newspaper if they want to demonstrate recycling. Wellies should be passed on to other children. Stupid school.

nitsandwormsdodger · 21/02/2022 12:22

As upsetting at it was , you should have explained your dire circumstances at the time it would have been enlightening for the teacher and you may have been helped , can you organise a clothing bank now for the wellies and overalls so others in your old position are helped ?

Regulus · 21/02/2022 12:23

@ParkheadParadise

Would this upset you? No It might if it was real 😉

I grew up in one of the most deprived areas in Glasgow all children were treated the same and the teachers never made a fuss and certainly didn't say it's only £15 on Amazon.
Dd2 made a welly boot planter at nursery all the boots were donated by the local community. We still have it several years later.

I believe it is real. One of my roles in an large academy trust has been to tackle things like this.

I think it was a dreadful waste of resources, only wellies that are broken should have been used.

OinkyO · 21/02/2022 12:26

The whole idea should be that they are broken unusable wellies

Millionairenow · 21/02/2022 12:27

I grew up in one of the most deprived areas in Glasgow all children were treated the same and the teachers never made a fuss and certainly didn't say it's only £15 on Amazon.

Doesn't mean it didn't happen though just because it didn't happen to you to be fair.

Filthyslattern · 21/02/2022 12:28

I think it is outrageous.
The school i work in has it's own stock of waterproofs and wellies for anyone who doesn't have them.
Definitely bring it up with school. Perhaps the pta could fundraise to buy a stock?

DickeryDock · 21/02/2022 12:36

I agree you need to bring it up. The teachers seem to have no understanding at all. I work in a school with lots of pupil premium children and we don’t make a big deal out of children not having wellies or waterproofs as we have a few boxes full of wellies donated by the parents when their children go up a size (as long as they don’t have younger siblings most are happy to leave in school when they grow out of them) We also have waterproofs for each child in class if needed.

I’m so sorry you were made to feel like this it is them and 100% not you. I would have felt exactly the same if I had donated usable wellies for them to be used in this wasteful manner.

BarbaraofSeville · 21/02/2022 12:38

It would definitely annoy me to use usable wellies in this way when there's children that need them to keep their feet dry. It's not like the world isn't drowning in spare plastic pots etc.

Sounds like no-one at the schools has any common sense or thinks things through.

Two of my relatives have separately complained about having to take in a certain selection of out of season fruit that has often had them buying multipacks of peaches for example, plus entire melons to use a small slice then something stupid like five strawberries so that their DC can make fruit salad at school. This has caused a lot of waste and taken a big chunk out of their budget because they're not typical MN children who inhale fruit by the sackful.

Anyone with half an ounce of common sense would have asked everyone to bring a pound or two and a member of school staff used the money to buy a suitable selection of fruit from a greengrocer or supermarket. And they wouldn't be doing this activity in winter FFS.

SNUG2022 · 21/02/2022 12:39

Oh god, I remember having to get wellies for school and wanting them back at the weekend as I didn't have a fiver for another pair.

A pupil premium parent was given a print out for a costume to purchase for the school play from Amazon that was "only £15". Completely crazy.

PigeonLittle · 21/02/2022 12:40

Yanbu. I'd be absolutely raging for decent wellies to be used for a pot plant when a pot is pennies!!

BoredZelda · 21/02/2022 12:49

I don't mean to judge, but she had a nice car, nice clothes, a career, and a posh accent. She was clearly the kind of person that chose to work in a deprived school so she could help us little paupers out.

I think you did mean to judge.

But, not unreasonable to suggest welly planting isn’t a great idea.

BarbaraofSeville · 21/02/2022 12:53

Christmas jumper day should also involve a second hand 'bring and buy' element where people donate outgrown jumpers and people can buy them for a token pound or two. For environmental reasons if nothing else.

And yes I know that not everyone has a spare pound, but it's a lot easier to spare £1 than £5/10 for a new jumper from a shop or trail round endless charity shops instead of just popping into the school that you visit every day.

LowlandLucky · 21/02/2022 12:54

School staff don't tend to come from deprived estates so the have no clue about poverty. Last school i worked in put out a newsletter at the start of the Autumn term listing everything the children needed or would be happening between September and Christmas, £1 for Jeans for Genes, Christmas Jumper day, cake sale for Children in need so needed to donate cakes then buy 1, Pudsey dress up, Christmas raffle and Christmas fair gifts ( children had to bring in a gift to donate then buy another for a parent or carer) Harvest festival ( food collection and £1 for the collection plate) That is a hell of a lot of money per child. Schools need to stick to educating the children instead of entertaining them on a weekly basis.

OinkyO · 21/02/2022 12:58

@BarbaraofSeville

Christmas jumper day should also involve a second hand 'bring and buy' element where people donate outgrown jumpers and people can buy them for a token pound or two. For environmental reasons if nothing else.

And yes I know that not everyone has a spare pound, but it's a lot easier to spare £1 than £5/10 for a new jumper from a shop or trail round endless charity shops instead of just popping into the school that you visit every day.

Christmas jumper day should be banned. It others those who can't afford a jumper for a day or don't celebrate Christmas.