Would this upset you?

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I live in a deprived area, it's actually on the news fairly frequently as it is the most deprived area in our large city. (not London though)
My children's school has quite a few children living in high rise flats,have free school meals, food banks and clothes banks etc are common.

Every nursery and reception child need waterproof overalls and wellies to be kept at school.
When my oldest started at this school we lived in a flat, I was a single parent on benefits.
We used our wellies daily to get out of the filthy flat. I couldn't afford the overalls but sent in stained joggers to be used outside, even if they were put on over the school trousers that would be OK.
I used to ask if I could have the wellies back after school every day and the teacher are a massive fuss, nobody else took theirs home, blah blah blah.
it was embarrassing and upsetting.

I don't mean to judge, but she had a nice car, nice clothes, a career, and a posh accent. She was clearly the kind of person that chose to work in a deprived school so she could help us little paupers out.
She kept asking me when we were going to get the overalls and she said 'they are only £15 on amazon' at the time I was fucking freezing in the draughty damp flat with a new baby unable to heat the one room because the storage heater cost £2+ a day. which I couldn't afford.

Me and the children's dad got back together and he works so we could afford the overalls and I found a pair of wellies in the second hand shop to leave at school.

Now a few years later we are better off financially.
and I get a news letter when my younger child is in nursery asking for parents to donate their old wellies.
I think Halelujah! they aren't going to make the people round here buy extra wellies to keep at school! they are asking for some to keep there as school wellies that the children can use!
So I ask around for wellies and give a few pairs.
feeling like finally i am given closure for the whole ordeal with the teacher not getting we can't afford firsts, never mind multiples.

A couple of months go by and my daughter comes home with a wellie boot full of compost with a little plant growing. I cried. They wanted the boots to be used as planters or pots. Which didn't work anyway because there were no drainage holes so the plant was sad and drowning anyway.
I would have donated £5 for them to buy pots. or they could have pot noodle pots or other kinds of upcycled rubbish destined for landfill but they used wellies that they expected to buy 2 pairs of for one child. It just seems so wasteful and out of touch with the reality of how people are living in that area. if it was a private school ot wouldn't seem like such a punch to the gut (but it'd still seem wasteful and inappropriate for plants as pots should have good drainage anyway.

This was last year so it's old news now. I just thought I'd shar

That's shocking. I live in a wealthy area and preschool has a massive bin of old wellies that all the children use for mud kitchen and gardening, so no one is singled out if they can't afford it.
In your shoes I would definitely raise it with the school. They need to do better.

@nitsandwormsdodger

As upsetting at it was , you should have explained your dire circumstances at the time it would have been enlightening for the teacher and you may have been helped , can you organise a clothing bank now for the wellies and overalls so others in your old position are helped ?

I mean at the time I was extremely embarrassed and feeling like I was failing my child by not being able to give him everything he needs. When I was in nursery we used to do PE in our pants and vests and barefoot. Nothing needed, didn't even need uniform for nursery so I was a little shocked to need full uniform, PE kit (shorts and trousers) and waterproof overalls as well as extra wellies you can't take home. It seems unnecessary anyway. I have taken all of my children for muddy walks in boots and regular coats all of their lives and been fine without waterproofs. Worst comes to worst, why not move muddy play time to the end of the day? -or leave it out because another problem was washing and drying uniform in the flat with no garden, I was already damp and it was just an awful time.

I didn't want to ask for charity, I just wanted my son to bring his wellies home from school. especially on the weekends.

I don't get how they can insist you leave wellies there. They are your wellies totally out of order

I don’t think you should have had to explain your circumstances at all.

My finances are my business.

I know you did a wink face so I don't know if you are joking but it was real! this really happened and it's probably the worst time of my life. and it was brought up in my mind recently by looking at my muddy boots used from all this bad weather.

We were free school meal kids, and my oarents moaned about the money for school trips etc, but we only needed uniform and generic pe kits (from juniors up
so about 5 or 6? infants did pe in pants and vests!)
the extra equipment or attire needed now for nursery is ridiculous.

in contrast my friends child's school is great for this kind of thing, you need nothing for school but yourself. they don't do easter dress up or theme days, Christmas jumpers days. etc. they seem to have taken on board the financial difficulties of some of the parents. Crazily the school is in a slightly better area, but still deprived.

I would bring it up! Mainly for environmental reasons, actually: what a waste of a welly boot, which in most cases will be going straight out to landfill (I know when my kids bring plants back, they die pretty quickly, and who wants a welly boot lying around). And the same would be true of a plant pot, but at least it's less plastic!

And if it makes you feel any better - we are actually well off, but I really hate waste, and unecessary spending. And this thing about having specific boots/plimsolls etc for nursery drove me up the wall, as the boots were used about 3 times and then outgrown. I did exactly the same thing as you, and asked for the boots back at the end of the day or the week, as we didn't have another pair at home. And I actually never bought the plimsolls, my kids used their sports shoes (trainers) for PE, and also brought them back at the end of the week. So don't feel bad about it - schools and nurseries are very good at asking for stuff 'in case' - but I consider it's a waste when things are outgrown so quickly (and I have a real bugbear about plimsolls, which are the worst kind of shoe for any actual sport). Sometimes the nursery/school made a few comments, but I basically ignored it, and they just stopped.

@OinkyO

I don't get how they can insist you leave wellies there. They are your wellies totally out of order

Well thats what i thought and I had to ask a few days but it made feel like I was making an extra job and being a nuisance. She seemed to think I could just spend a few extra quid, I was looking in charity shops but no luck and I couldn't afford £8-12 new. no way. and I shouldn't have to! He had wellies!

You should write to head - not in a complaining way just as information now you’ve lived through that experience and are more comfortable now. I think schools should be aware of the pressures put on parents who simply can’t afford all the kit they are being asked to buy. Why does nursery need a full uniform plus pe clothes for instance?? Our nursery provides waterproof clothing and a bit tub of wellies. Or you can take your own if needed and either leave at nursery or take home. I use to take home daily as like you had muddy grotty area to cross before getting to my home so used the wellies daily.

I wouldn’t mention the teacher though as it’s long gone now but perhaps just explain how you simply couldn’t afford £15 for waterproof clothing at that time and could they consider fundraising for a school stock of items or asking for donated items. Then say that you assumed this was happening with the recent welly request so we’re surprised to see they had been used as planters and could they ensure the use of the wellies is mentioned next time so you know to send only broken ones in and you’d continue to send good used wellies to charity for children to use.

Tbh our school did the welly planter thing but they specifically said they would be doing that when asked for wellies so send leaking broken ones in. The nursery often puts out requests for serviceable wellies for the children to actually wear too.

@bringonsummer2022

That's shocking. I live in a wealthy area and preschool has a massive bin of old wellies that all the children use for mud kitchen and gardening, so no one is singled out if they can't afford it. In your shoes I would definitely raise it with the school. They need to do better.

Personally I think the worst is world book day costumes. Expensive, time consuming for parents who work, and does absolutely NOTHING in terms of getting kids to read more. I think they should bring in their favourite book, or write/talk about it or something, not the whole costume nonsense.

Sorry, I quoted the wrong message there! :)

@halbejqgwjdhsjshdkdhdj shocking really. And wasteful. No one needs two pairs of wellies.

@SNUG2022

Oh god, I remember having to get wellies for school and wanting them back at the weekend as I didn't have a fiver for another pair.

A pupil premium parent was given a print out for a costume to purchase for the school play from Amazon that was "only £15". Completely crazy.

Well I'm definitely not happy to hear that I'm not the only one. It's an absolute joke and a waste and I wish I had said so at the time. But there is embarrassment that just makes you shut up and feel like a failure, especially as its for your child.

Reading your updates it does seem your school has a poor ethos regarding asking parents for money or to use money for items. I’m surprised given the catchment being deprived. Our area isn’t wealth but isn’t deprived either and is very aware of what’s being asked of parents and importance of not requesting items etc. No issue with providing wellies but we can take them home. As pp said I wouldn’t buy a nursery aged child two pairs anyway they grow out them so quickly!!

I would write to them as they seem really out of sync with their local catchment and families. It’s strange especially if many parents have mentioned it.

What you describe is pretty standard in our school - we do have free extra resources like wellies/overalls/uniforms/coats even a local charity that does bags and shoes for kids who need them. BUT we are not allowed to offer incase it causes offense, we have to wait for parents to ask or a referral made to the school about family situation. And yes we have used old wellies as planters but it was made clear what they were to be used for and asked for ones with tips, holes or worn through

@LowlandLucky

School staff don't tend to come from deprived estates so the have no clue about poverty. Last school i worked in put out a newsletter at the start of the Autumn term listing everything the children needed or would be happening between September and Christmas, £1 for Jeans for Genes, Christmas Jumper day, cake sale for Children in need so needed to donate cakes then buy 1, Pudsey dress up, Christmas raffle and Christmas fair gifts ( children had to bring in a gift to donate then buy another for a parent or carer) Harvest festival ( food collection and £1 for the collection plate) That is a hell of a lot of money per child. Schools need to stick to educating the children instead of entertaining them on a weekly basis.

Completely agree. We had harvest festival when we were kids and non school uniform day was just that, normal clothes. my parents used to moan about pudsey and red nose day but that seems nothing compared to now.

@DoctorSnortles

Bring it up. All schools are supposed to be ‘poverty proofing’ and your suggestion for donated wellies for those who can’t afford them is a perfect example. Suggest the same for Christmas jumper day, too.

Also World book day, can be a right pain for people on low incomes.

And wellies planters were kept at school and replanted each year until they rotted 🤷‍♀️

She was clearly the kind of person that chose to work in a deprived school so she could help us little paupers out.

This was unnecessary and probably not true, people choose the schools they work in for all sorts of reasons...
However, the rest of it, I agree with you completely. Schools and school staff can be breathtakingly ignorant about how much money families have to live on.
I teach in a very deprived area and we're very careful to avoid this sort of thing and make provisions for families who can't afford it. Pretty much everything is free and I know a lot of staff will bring things in (fancy dress, props, Christmas jumpers) for the families who struggle. Even uniform is free is necessary.
The thing is though, if the school are behaving like this then they need to be educated. Can you join their PTA (if they have one) or stand as a parent governor and try to influence them that way?

@WhaleSnail I doubt many parents have mentioned it to the school but just chatting to one another "and another thing......" type conversations. It would be too embarrassing to go up to a well paid teacher and say "you're upsetting me because

I'm poor."
it made me feel really inadequate and really I was alright. as others have said, no child needs 2 pairs of the same shoe.

She was clearly the kind of person that chose to work in a deprived school so she could help us little paupers out.

This was unnecessary and probably not true, people choose the schools they work in for all sorts of reasons...

But it is a thing.

Okay, people don’t phrase it like that but if I had £1 for every time I’ve heard someone say they prefer to work in schools in deprived areas because it is more rewarding …

@Partyatnumber10 I would be very surprised if it wasn't true. I have had a similar experience with midwives and health visitors. This area is whats commonly known as a challenge. It really does seek to attract do gooders who tend to do no good. obviously I don't know then personally but I know the type. Some people want to work with people and some people want to help people.
It was a different vibe when I moved to a different area, i suddenly became someone who didn't need to be spoken to in a patronising way with a head tilt (although I did keep the kids in the same school , but midwives and health visitors etc)

@BrambleRoses

She was clearly the kind of person that chose to work in a deprived school so she could help us little paupers out.

This was unnecessary and probably not true, people choose the schools they work in for all sorts of reasons...

But it is a thing.

Okay, people don’t phrase it like that but if I had £1 for every time I’ve heard someone say they prefer to work in schools in deprived areas because it is more rewarding …

Yes! This is the attitude I'm talking about. It screams Christian missionaries travelling to the third world to enlighten the savages.

@BrambleRoses
Okay, people don’t phrase it like that but if I had £1 for every time I’ve heard someone say they prefer to work in schools in deprived areas because it is more rewarding …
If I did I could have afforded the wellies!

YANBU!
I was a single mum for 9 years on SW and no one really knows what that's like unless they've experienced it and a small few people do not even bother to try and get a clue, like that teacher! £15 is a lot of money when you're trying to manage on a pittance and she obviously had no insight at all!
It's lovely that you donated the wellies and I too would have been very annoyed and disappointed at the waste and that they weren't being given to the children who needed them. I suppose that as we have experienced that depth of poverty, we KNOW the values of the most humble things, even a pair of old wellies, yet it seems the school did not! You'd think, given the area and demographic they work with, they'd know better but lack of insight blinds people, causing them to not seem to be able to empathise nor show common sense at all!

I would’ve cried too. When mine were little and we were really not doing well financially, £15 was 40% of the food budget for the week.

I really think schools need to think about what they’re asking of parents.