Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what to do about this gift from a friend?

58 replies

Starryskiesinthesky · 20/02/2022 21:36

A friend sent me a cookbook as a present but when it arrived it was a secondhand library book and a bit grotty! I am fairly sure she didnt mean it to be like this but she has asked me about it and is coming round for dinner and so I dont know what to do. I thought about ditching it and buying a new version so that she wouldnt be embarrassed, or I could just not let her see it and make little reference to it (but that might seem rude!) or do I tell her? Help! What would you do?!

OP posts:
UnsuitableHat · 20/02/2022 21:45

Did she order it second hand from Amazon? She perhaps knew it was a used version but not how grotty it would be. If it’s useable I’d just keep it and say thanks. If it’s not, I’d mention it to her.

liveforsummer · 20/02/2022 21:46

Is it from Amazon or a book company where she won't have seen it?

Original poster
Starryskiesinthesky · 20/02/2022 21:50

Yes it was ordered online and delivered direct to us. I am fairly sure she thought it was new, or at least a good second hand copy, but it is the fact that it still has the library code on the spine and has that horrible plastic cover that has gone old. The pages have cooking splashes on as well!

I wouldnt say anything and would just put it to charity if it wasnt for the fact that she is coming round and I know will look out for it!

OP posts:
HTH1 · 20/02/2022 21:52

It’s her faux pas, not yours. I would simply show it to her if she asks to see it.

AnxiousHeffalump · 20/02/2022 21:53

Just show it as it is.

pricelessdice · 20/02/2022 22:14

Is it out of print?

My mother asked for a book on Dru Yoga once and I could only find it on secondhand places.

Rushed and in the run up to Christmas I thought I had found it on Amazon and had it delivered to her. I had not clocked that it was secondhand from Amazon.

When I went to visit her my father took me out and 'hard a word' with me about the cruelty of me sending a second hand book to my mother as she considered it a snub.

a) I hadn''t even realised it was secondhand and
b) It cost me 20 quid and I was pissed off that she then equated that with me not bothering with her at all or directly snubbing her.

I wouldn't say anything, tbh, can you read the recipes? Then all good. Maybe she doesn't believe in buying new. I can't imagine for one second she will ask to see the book but even if she does what's the worst that could happen?

Cakecakecheese · 20/02/2022 22:14

You should tell her because if the item is in worse condition than advertised then she could get a refund

Pixiedust1234 · 20/02/2022 22:20

If she would normally order a new book and this is an ex library book then I would assume your fried has been scammed. Let her know/see the book as she might want to get her money back.

pussycatunpickingcrossesagain · 20/02/2022 22:24

@Pixiedust1234

If she would normally order a new book and this is an ex library book then I would assume your fried has been scammed. Let her know/see the book as she might want to get her money back.
This.

Plus, when she comes round, don't hide it, she'll probably want to see it anyway. Let her take it from there.

Ladyface · 20/02/2022 22:25

I agree with pp that you should let her see it so she can contact the seller and get a replacement or refund.

Original poster
Starryskiesinthesky · 20/02/2022 22:27

Yes, I am 99% sure that she didnt know that she was ordering a second hand copy and would be mortified to think she had sent this one. That was why I thought about replacing it with a brand new copy so that she wouldnt realise!

Thanks though - I think if it comes up (which I am fairly sure it will) I will just tell her! She is a good friend so I should be able to!

OP posts:
ItsDinah · 20/02/2022 22:30

Just clean it up. I've cleaned up lots of ex library books. It's easy. The plastic cover will come off. The library ink stamps can be removed with ordinary household bleach on a cotton bud or bit of cotton wool. Food and other stains can also be removed with rubbers ,bleach or razor blade. The library sticker is usually placed on the first paper page. You can either get it off with a bit of dampening with a cloth. If not you can remove the page. A soft pencil rubber will remove a lot of grime from the edges of pages.

Momijin · 20/02/2022 22:32

No big deal.

larkstar · 20/02/2022 23:03

I really appreciate that my daughter makes an effort to buy me second hand books - she knows I think they are too expensive when new and I'm all for recycling instead of throwing away.

If you like the content in the book I'd show your appreciation - as other's have said - she might not have realised or maybe she did but expected it to be in better condition. All my best and most use cook books are the most stained TBH. I think you have to learn to be honest with your friends - maybe you will both laugh about it even if it is embarrassing for one or both of you - that's what good friends can do. I wouldn't want to go out of my way to upset a friend I valued though.

Ohyesiam · 20/02/2022 23:08

But she’ll cope when she sees it. She can apologise and say she expected better condition, but it’s hardly the gaff to end all gaffs is it? Just an honest mistake.

MarieKlepto · 20/02/2022 23:09

How do you think she would feel if you showed her the book? And do you need to let her see it rather than just present food "cooked from the book"? Personally, I'd be really embarrassed if I'd unwittingly sent a friend a substandard gift and even if I never knew, I would love you for sparing me that!

Thewindwhispers · 20/02/2022 23:11

I’ve done this when buying books for myself, it’s annoyingly easy to buy second hand books on Amazon instead of new by accident

Original poster
Starryskiesinthesky · 20/02/2022 23:13

@MarieKlepto

How do you think she would feel if you showed her the book? And do you need to let her see it rather than just present food "cooked from the book"? Personally, I'd be really embarrassed if I'd unwittingly sent a friend a substandard gift and even if I never knew, I would love you for sparing me that!
I think you are on my wave length - that's why I thought about buying a new version - then she would just think that was what she had got me!
OP posts:
Original poster
Starryskiesinthesky · 20/02/2022 23:14

@Thewindwhispers

I’ve done this when buying books for myself, it’s annoyingly easy to buy second hand books on Amazon instead of new by accident
The thing I keep making mistakes with is buying e-cookbooks rather than a proper book. Drives me nuts!
OP posts:
Cherrysherbet · 20/02/2022 23:17

Op you sound like a good friend.

If it was me, I would be thinking the same thing! I’d buy a new one to save her embarrassment.

SeasonFinale · 20/02/2022 23:17

Sites like Abe Books often sell library books that libraries no longer want or stock. It possibly has a special meaning to her so I wouldn't bin it!

ThinWomansBrain · 20/02/2022 23:20

I recently gave a friend a second hand book from abe books - I'd read it while away and thought he'd enjoy it, was just a random 'thought you'd enjoy this' gift, rather than specific Christmas/birthday gift.
(I did see it first and actually looked new)

If I bought a proper gift second hand because they wanted it, I'd probably say 'out of print, but I was able to track down a copy' - on receiving a gift like that I'd be pleased someone had remembered I wanted it and gone to the trouble of tracking it down.

Tyrozet · 20/02/2022 23:24

I think if she asks to see it then show her - you don't need to comment on the condition unless she does. Take your lead from her reaction. If she's as surprised as you, then agree and explain you weren't sure what to say. Otherwise, if you don't want to hurt her feelings, just comment on the recipes inside that you'd like to try.

EveryAvenue · 20/02/2022 23:29

I would tell her, if she has been scammed she might be able to get her money back/ a replacement.

I would absolutely want to know. If I send someone flowers I ask them to send a picture when they arrive because I’ve had so many bad experiences with florists I want to make sure they haven’t sent half dead flowers. I’d be mortified!

Bromse · 20/02/2022 23:31

Try and clean up the cover a bit. Presumably it is a book that would interest you, maybe quite rare or out of print in which case, it is a real find.

Swipe left for the next trending thread