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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry with my sister?

66 replies

sparklynailpolish · 20/02/2022 16:31

I'm 33 and have always been pretty close with my 29 year old sister.

In September last year I started having seizures with no previous history of them. I told her about it and she said that it was probably due to stress and I should slow down a bit. I had some further tests and it was a small brain bleed.

In December I picked up a completely different infection and was taken to hospital in an ambulance after collapsing at home. While in hospital I was tested for Covid and that came up positive as well. My OH text my sister to let her know I was in hospital and in a bad way but she didn't reply.

On the 4th of January after a few days completely out of it, I text her to say I was feeling a bit better. She replied "sorry, is this meant to be something else unrelated to the brain bleed?". I said yes, it was an infection and I also had Covid and she just replied "right". I definitely found her a bit frosty and I text her when I got home from the hospital but she didn't reply.

It's now been almost 7 weeks since I heard from her at all. I messaged a couple of weeks ago asking if everything is ok and she ignored that too. Before this we spoke most days.

I have noticed that anytime I post anything on Instagram stories she's viewed them within about 3 minutes but she doesn't interact with me.

I've gone from being disappointed in her to actually quite angry that she won't engage at all. AIBU?

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 20/02/2022 16:37

I have noticed that anytime I post anything on Instagram stories she's viewed them within about 3 minutes but she doesn't interact with me.

I am not suggesting you are doing this but it sounds like maybe she thinks youre looking for attention and doesn't believe in all the issues youve had (I'm sorry you've had such a shit time health wise) Flowers

SickAndTiredAgain · 20/02/2022 16:39

@Notimeforaname

I have noticed that anytime I post anything on Instagram stories she's viewed them within about 3 minutes but she doesn't interact with me.

I am not suggesting you are doing this but it sounds like maybe she thinks youre looking for attention and doesn't believe in all the issues youve had (I'm sorry you've had such a shit time health wise) Flowers

That’s what I thought too. As in, I thought that’s what the sister was thinking. It sounds like she doesn’t really believe you.
Original poster
sparklynailpolish · 20/02/2022 16:39

@Notimeforaname

I have noticed that anytime I post anything on Instagram stories she's viewed them within about 3 minutes but she doesn't interact with me.

I am not suggesting you are doing this but it sounds like maybe she thinks youre looking for attention and doesn't believe in all the issues youve had (I'm sorry you've had such a shit time health wise) Flowers

I'm not posting anything about my health online, it's just general Instagram posts of DD/food/the cat.
OP posts:
Original poster
sparklynailpolish · 20/02/2022 16:41

@SickAndTiredAgain I think that from her tone about me having 'another' health issue but I'm not prone to dramatics or lying. Also, it was my OH who told her I was in hospital and she didn't even bother acknowledging his message.

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 20/02/2022 16:42

Ah right. Well it does sound like she doesn't believe you or thinks its exaggerated. Or maybe she has issues with you having attention from being unwell.

Notimeforaname · 20/02/2022 16:43

Has she been jealous of you in the past, any issues like that?

PolkaSpace · 20/02/2022 16:46

She seems to have issues with you being unwell.

Original poster
sparklynailpolish · 20/02/2022 16:46

@Notimeforaname

Has she been jealous of you in the past, any issues like that?
Not typically! There was always enough of an age gap that she didn't seem to be.
OP posts:
nanbread · 20/02/2022 16:46

Have you actually asked her what's up?

Aquamarine1029 · 20/02/2022 16:47

Whatever her problem is, it's her problem. She's behaving like a child, and I wouldn't bother chasing her.

PolkaSpace · 20/02/2022 16:48

Has she been through something tough but ignored by the family focusing on your health issues? It just seems really weird of her to not be remotely concerned. Unless she usually doesn't care.

Notimeforaname · 20/02/2022 16:49

Yes just ask her out straight. Phone her up or go around or send another text.
And if she still ignores you, so be it. Get on with your life.

You cant force communication from her.

Original poster
sparklynailpolish · 20/02/2022 16:50

@nanbread

Have you actually asked her what's up?
I have asked her if everything is ok and she ignored that message as well.

She's not a big phone person but I've called a couple of times and she's not answered.

OP posts:
Original poster
sparklynailpolish · 20/02/2022 16:52

@PolkaSpace

Has she been through something tough but ignored by the family focusing on your health issues? It just seems really weird of her to not be remotely concerned. Unless she usually doesn't care.
I'm not sure. We don't have any other close family so she's not being overlooked in favour of me. I have asked if everything is ok with her and she didn't answer. She's still regularly posting on her social media and I was commenting and liking things as normal until a couple of weeks ago as she just wouldn't interact with me.
OP posts:
surreymum89 · 20/02/2022 16:57

Had you stopped seeing her or cancelled plans/events with her because of your health issues?

CheltenhamLady · 20/02/2022 16:58

If you live close enough I would definitely go round to see her.
I would want to know why she was behaving this way. There must be a reason.

Jjjaaakkk · 20/02/2022 16:58

Have you thought that she might not be able to cope with seeing you unwell?
My mum is like this, runs away, but is so apologetic afterwards. She even cries when the kids scuffed their knees!

Original poster
sparklynailpolish · 20/02/2022 16:59

@surreymum89

Had you stopped seeing her or cancelled plans/events with her because of your health issues?
No, we had no plans and when I've tried to arrange anything she's just ignored me.

I've been debating going round but just have no idea how it'll go down and how she's feeling towards me just now. It's all quite out of character.

OP posts:
Jjjaaakkk · 20/02/2022 17:04

Ask her if she’s ok?
Say you’re worried about her

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 20/02/2022 17:05

I cant imagine knowing a close family member was in hospital and just responding with 'right' and not even checking in on them. You don't get admitted into hospital for a few days by exaggerating so surely she can't think that.

I think you've got nothing to lose by going round, as soon her behaviour is going to get to the stage where you can't forgive it. Unless you have another close relative eg parent that can try and find out what's going on with her. It doesn't need to be confrontational just a 'you must have been so worried when OP was ill'...and see how she responded

Ttcfinalbub · 20/02/2022 17:08

Not defending the way she's handling it... but if her first statement about a brain bleed is for you to slow down she probably does care and think you over do it she may also possibly think your ignoring advice to slow down so is cutting her nose off despite..

SickAndTiredAgain · 20/02/2022 17:18

@Ttcfinalbub

Not defending the way she's handling it... but if her first statement about a brain bleed is for you to slow down she probably does care and think you over do it she may also possibly think your ignoring advice to slow down so is cutting her nose off despite..
That wasn’t her response following the brain bleed news I don’t think. It was her response before the brain bleed was diagnosed.

OP, how did she react when the brain bleed was first diagnosed?

perimenofertility · 20/02/2022 17:20

It sounds to me as though she has something going on in her life, and she hasn’t been able to share it with you because you’ve been ill.

TheHoptimist · 20/02/2022 17:20

Could she have the same and not shared?

Hb12 · 20/02/2022 17:22

She sounds like a right bitch, unless there is other info forthcoming.