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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry with my sister?

66 replies

sparklynailpolish · 20/02/2022 16:31

I'm 33 and have always been pretty close with my 29 year old sister.

In September last year I started having seizures with no previous history of them. I told her about it and she said that it was probably due to stress and I should slow down a bit. I had some further tests and it was a small brain bleed.

In December I picked up a completely different infection and was taken to hospital in an ambulance after collapsing at home. While in hospital I was tested for Covid and that came up positive as well. My OH text my sister to let her know I was in hospital and in a bad way but she didn't reply.

On the 4th of January after a few days completely out of it, I text her to say I was feeling a bit better. She replied "sorry, is this meant to be something else unrelated to the brain bleed?". I said yes, it was an infection and I also had Covid and she just replied "right". I definitely found her a bit frosty and I text her when I got home from the hospital but she didn't reply.

It's now been almost 7 weeks since I heard from her at all. I messaged a couple of weeks ago asking if everything is ok and she ignored that too. Before this we spoke most days.

I have noticed that anytime I post anything on Instagram stories she's viewed them within about 3 minutes but she doesn't interact with me.

I've gone from being disappointed in her to actually quite angry that she won't engage at all. AIBU?

OP posts:
Abbamania · 20/02/2022 17:26

Yanbu! Unkind behaviour.

Could this be reopening old wounds for her in some way?

Hope you’re feeling a bit better??

PolkaSpace · 20/02/2022 17:27

@perimenofertility

It sounds to me as though she has something going on in her life, and she hasn’t been able to share it with you because you’ve been ill.
Yes I would think something is going on for her fro the sounds of it op
Gilly12345 · 20/02/2022 17:28

I wouldn’t bother make contact with her again, has she contacted you at all to query how you are?

Do you have parents?

I would leave her well alone and get on with your own life.

Original poster
sparklynailpolish · 20/02/2022 17:28

@SickAndTiredAgain she was compassionate about my brain bleed and regularly asked after me.

It does seem like there's something going on with her that she won't share but I'm finding it deeply frustrating that she's just ignoring me.

OP posts:
Original poster
sparklynailpolish · 20/02/2022 17:30

@Gilly12345

I wouldn’t bother make contact with her again, has she contacted you at all to query how you are?

Do you have parents?

I would leave her well alone and get on with your own life.

No she hasn't.

We don't, we were brought up by our mum and she passed away a few years ago so myself and my DD are her only blood family now.

OP posts:
Etinoxaurus · 20/02/2022 17:40

Armchair psychology incoming...
Your mum died young, and she’s in denial/ petrified/ catastrophising.
Flowers

StoneofDestiny · 20/02/2022 18:14

Stop communicating and let her do so if she wants.

auntzelda1234 · 20/02/2022 18:28

I don’t think suggestions to cut contact are ideal when it’s just OP and her sister left in their family.

I’d second what others have said about something going on with her just now that she feels she can’t talk about but the reaction she had to you being unwell in December is a bit odd.

IckyPeas · 20/02/2022 18:30

Could you message and say you're concerned about her and there if she needs you?

WonderfulYou · 20/02/2022 18:42

Are you sure you haven’t done something to upset her?

She sounds like she was concerned with your first illness and wanted you to slow down.

Do you mainly message her when you’re talking about yourself?

Either that or she thinks you were lying about being in hospital.

Scbchl · 20/02/2022 18:47

She sounds like she's being a complete dick to be honest. Cant ever imagine treating my family mmembers badly when they have had medical issues.

Partyatnumber10 · 20/02/2022 18:47

Have you become a bit of a "mum" figure to her since your mum died?
I wonder if she's convinced herself that things are going to go the same way and she can't cope?

Chocoqueen · 20/02/2022 18:48

@Etinoxaurus

Armchair psychology incoming... Your mum died young, and she’s in denial/ petrified/ catastrophising. Flowers
This was my thought too - she's acting the way she is because she's scared of losing you too? Not saying it's right at all, but is one explanation. Does she have a DP/children?
Millionairenow · 20/02/2022 18:53

I'd message and ask her why you're being totally ignored, none of the pretend faux concern

1224boom · 20/02/2022 19:20

I also think message and say you are really worried about her and want to talk. I think you have to just persevere as this is clearly really out of character.

Hyppogriff · 20/02/2022 19:24

The only way you’re going to resolve is by actually talking to her

Didiusfalco · 20/02/2022 19:24

If a usually nice person suddenly begins behaving like a dickhead then generally something has happened or is bothering them. The problem really, is how to get to the bottom of it.

ouch12345 · 20/02/2022 19:51

This sounds like really strange behaviour if she is normally a thoughtful and kind person. It sounds like there's something going on that she's not told you about (not your fault). I would go round asap and have it out especially as it seems to be out of character for her.

MalbecandToast · 21/02/2022 06:38

Not a judgement, but did you reply on her heavily practically or emotionally after the brain bleed? Doesn't make ignoring you ok but if you did perhaps she's wrung out and can't face it again? I hope your feeling OK now OP.

A580Hojas · 21/02/2022 06:43

You don't seem at all worried about her? Odd.

Twiglets1 · 21/02/2022 06:44

She’s acting like a bitch but somehow making you feel like you’re the one who has done something wrong. Very passive aggressive behaviour- try to get her to articulate exactly what she’s upset about. Though if she’s anything like my sister, she will never tell you

AlternativePerspective · 21/02/2022 06:47

Fgs since when have people completely lost the ability to communicate? you know, as in actually talk to one another.

So often there are posts on here “i text/I messaged/she hasn’t replied to my messages/hasn’t liked my instagram posts,” sorry but if you want an actual relationship with someone then you need to actually speak to them, without the need for texting and social media.

If you don’t feel you can ring her or go round then your relationship is already shit. Otherwise just bloody talk to her.

frazzledasarock · 21/02/2022 07:15

According to OP she has called a couple of times but her sister has not picked up.

cheekyasfish · 21/02/2022 07:17

Does she live nearby? Go visit her

Justilou1 · 21/02/2022 07:21

I’d just send a text saying “Right… I tried. I’m done. No idea WTF your problem is, but I hope you sort it out.”