To be so disappointed and upset with my friend for neglecting her dog?

[JuliTooley]

Hi,

So my best friend got a dog a few months ago. I told her at the time I didn’t think she should has she didn’t have the time or resources to take care of one but she got it anyway.

I love animals and am becoming increasingly upset about how she treats it. A few examples:

1. She got him from an obvious back yard breeder, because he was cheap and she didn’t want to spend the money on a well bred dog
2. She has not had him vaccinated
3. She never takes him out for more than a few minutes a day, if he is lucky
4. She does not have pet insurance
5. She did no training and now he is destructive yet she gets angry with him and blames him for his bad behaviour
6. She is not going to get him neutered as she thinks it would be “fun” and “cute” for him to have puppies, (he’s a poor example of the breed and not KC registered)
7. She buys the cheapest possible food for him, which means he constantly has the runs

All of this just makes me so disappointed in her. I feel my friend was so selfish in getting the dog in the first place, as all of this was so predictable, hence why I suggested she hold off for a while before getting a dog. I also absolutely hate seeing the poor dog not being treated properly and suffering as a result.

If this was just any friend I would honestly cut off the friendship but she is my best friend and I am the godmother to her DC.

AIBU to be this upset over someone else’s dog?

Bought a few months ago as a puppy?
So dog is around 16 weeks old?

(1) Cheap doesn't mean backyard breeder. Expensive definitely doesn't mean not a backyard breeder
(2) Some vets have long waiting lists. Possible that she's waiting for an appointment.
(3) Because not vaccinated yet? Very young pups need very little walking.
(4) not an indication of poor dog ownership at all
(5) lots if puppies are destructive and grow out of it. Much depends on your interpretation.
(6) You just sound judgmental.
(7) thus isn't an indication of poor dog ownership.

You don't sound like a very nice friend.

If the dog is fed and loved then it will be ok, even with all those other things mentioned. I would worry more for a puppy left alone for 10 hours a day!

She sounds shit choice of ‘best’ friend. Why do you think you could be being unreasonable, exactly? What outcome do you want from the thread?

I don't care whether or not you sound like a good friend, you are seeing things that you know aren't right and you are putting the welfare of the puppy first. The neutering thing is terrifying. Sadly this is a very common story, and is the reason so many young dogs end up in rescue centres. I don't really know what you can do though apart from try to guide your friend to do better by her dog.

The problem is, you can see it, she can't, and at the risk of loosing a friendship, you probably don't want to list the above to her. But that poor dog is going to suffer in the long run of she carries on the way she is. They are a massive responsibility and I don't think some people realise just how much hard work they can be. Have another word with her, but obviously in the most unjudgemental way you possibly can, and maybe say something like. You've noticed he's got the runs, do you think it may be his food, as you've heard some breeds need different foods in their diet. And say you've heard of a good trainer who may be able to help with him if he's being destructive (I'm assuming you mean chewing things and what not) You could just sort of bring them up as and when you see them, so it doesn't just look like you're doing it pre-emptively X

Do you know if she plans to get him vaccinated? If he’s just a pup (and unvaccinated) he would be best staying in the garden. She can do scent work or other fun things with him.

He sounds far too young to even consider neutering yet especially if he’s a larger breed dog. It’s best to see what temperament they have too before neutering as neutering when they have any type of confidence issues can make them more nervous. It’s definitely something that needs discussing with a vet and not a one method fits all.

Not everyone chooses to insure although I would always recommend it but it needs to be a good provider e.g. Petplan. Can she afford vet bills without the insurance? She needs to get him microchipped if he isn’t but his breeder should have sorted that

Is she abusing the dog when he misbehaves? I'd have to report that, if so.

“fun” and “cute” for him to have puppies, (he’s a poor example of the breed and not KC registered)

I don't really get this - stating the obvious, if he's male they won't be your friend's puppies and he's unlikely to be chosen as a stud dog if he doesn't have an official pedigree.

Could she be joking about the breeding him? Or just a silly idea she will never go through with or do you think she really will?

How much do you know about his breeder? Did he arrive in poor health or is he just not a pedigree? Cross breeds can be healthier than some purebreds and the prices are crazy for puppies at the moment. A ‘cheap’ dog may actually be fairly priced for what you’re getting. Even purebred, KC registered should be health tested to try and prevent breed related issues rather than KC registration being enough. If you know she got him from somewhere awful would you feel able to report it? It’s likely nothing will be done sadly but it’s worth a go.

How exactly does she discipline him? Is she open to listening to you at all?

@NowEvenBetter Hi, I think some people believe IABU and judgemental based on other responses.

I suppose this is largely a vent. I knew this would happen and it’s like watching a slow train wreck. This is not her first dog and the first one was horribly neglected, admittedly she “inherited” that dog but still.

To answer some other questions. He was about 12 weeks old when she bought him in November. He was the last one left. I know it was a back yard breeder based on the pictures she showed me of the living conditions and that there were no pictures of the mother, even when my friend to asked for them.

She hasn’t gotten him vaccinated because of the cost, definitely not the wait. I’ve had no problem booking vaccine appointments for my animals recently and we live close to each other. The cost is the same reason she has not taken out insurance. Her previous dog did not have insurance and suffered as a result of her being unable to afford medical care.

She definitely wants to breed him. She is talking about advertising him as a stud online to make some money and with the plan on keeping one of the puppies.

Not having pet insurance is not poor ownership. We don’t have pet insurance for our dog.

The dog is being fed it’s just not want you think it should be fed.

He is still a puppy if he was only 12 weeks when she bought him so being destructive isn’t unusual.

Puppies shouldn’t be over walked, time is meant to be built up as they grow.

Not everyone believes in vaccinations or being neutered too young.

Your friend is an absolute arsehole. I have nothing but contempt for people who get puppies/dogs but give no shits for their welfare.

I'd have to distance myself from the friendship.

She is stupid and doesn’t deserve a dog. That poor creature.

Poor poor poor puppy.

Breaks my heart.

I genuinely couldn’t be friends with her.

No one with half a brain cell will pay to use him as a stud dog without papers, insurance and from such a poor background, has the backyard breeder been reported. If he has the runs all the time he could have worms or tummy issues, has she even taken him to a vet for a check up. The insurance isnt neglect but I wouldnt be her friend any more.

She sounds like a pillock. Probably got him for insta likes!

Not sure what you can do though. Not exactly textbook 'cruelty' is it? So I'm not sure the RSPCA will do anything. (They don't do much about anything unless there's glory points in it from them...)

It's definitely 'neglect' and 'foolishness though.' Hopefully she will realise what hard work said doggo is soon, (because of her stupidity,) and she will rehome him.

Report her for all the reasons given op. I reported my bff when her dh was abusing their ddog and she wouldn't.

Ddog was removed within days.
She never knew it was me and tbh the only reason she didn't was her dh would have banned me from their home. Which would have been no benefit to bff at all.

Report her and save the cruelty and suffering the dog (and many others needlessly) will suffer in the months and years to come. You know it's the right thing to do OP. Sometimes the right thing is difficult.

I lost a friend after I called her out on neglecting her dog. Underfed, poorly trained, never walked, used as a plaything and ignored when not needed. I got sick of her attitude towards the dog, especially when she started talking about breeding her. Ex-friend was angry with me for sharing my concerns but I finally decided I didn't want to be friends with someone who has such a poor attitude towards pet ownership anyway.

Honestly I don't know why some people are defending your friend.

She sounds awful and I honestly couldn't be friends with her if she CHOSE to get a dog and then treated it like that. Why do people get dogs and then refuse to spend money on basic healthcare and good food?

And yeah cheap food is fine if the dog does OK on it, but if the dog has the runs then it obviously isn't doing well and the diet needs to be changed.
It's totally disgusting. Animals do not ask to be our pets. We have them for selfish reasons. The very least we can do is treat them with kindness and dignity. URGH.

If he has ‘the runs’ all the time, he really needs to see a vet. Going by the timeline you have given, this puppy is around 6 months old and should have had his vaccinations before now (his second ones, never mind his first). To be honest it is probably better that he doesn’t go out much for walks, as he hasn’t been vaccinated!

Advertising him for stud is quite a joke. Nobody would want a dog like this for stud, not only not KC registered, but unvaccinated and badly behaved.

You’d think your bf would have learned her lesson with the previous dog, rather than making the same mistakes again. It is probably best that you report her, so that this poor little creature can have the chance of a decent life with a different owner.

Not having pet insurance is only ok if you can afford vet bills, which can be thousands.

Not neutering because puppies 'are cute' is unacceptable. I hate this attitude and see it regularly, I had friends tell me not to neuter because my female dog is nice and it would be cute. I went ahead and neutered because I love her too much to damage her health.

Poor dog, it'll end up reactive and in a dog rescue.

The lack of pet insurance wouldn't bother me, our cats etc are not insured. Does however sometimes mean difficult choices need to be made if costly vet treatment is needed. It is fine to put an animal to sleep in these circumstances (and should have money for this put aside as a minimum) but not ok to leave alive and suffering as can't afford treatment.

@AdobeWanKenobi I am not being goady. This is a situation that has been making me feel really upset and depressed for a while.

This woman has been my best friend since we were kids. I am hugely invested in her family, and she is hugely invested in mine. Yet, I am considering ending our relationship over it as it makes me feels our values are just too far apart…