To be so disappointed and upset with my friend for neglecting her dog?

[JuliTooley]

Hi,

So my best friend got a dog a few months ago. I told her at the time I didn’t think she should has she didn’t have the time or resources to take care of one but she got it anyway.

I love animals and am becoming increasingly upset about how she treats it. A few examples:

1. She got him from an obvious back yard breeder, because he was cheap and she didn’t want to spend the money on a well bred dog
2. She has not had him vaccinated
3. She never takes him out for more than a few minutes a day, if he is lucky
4. She does not have pet insurance
5. She did no training and now he is destructive yet she gets angry with him and blames him for his bad behaviour
6. She is not going to get him neutered as she thinks it would be “fun” and “cute” for him to have puppies, (he’s a poor example of the breed and not KC registered)
7. She buys the cheapest possible food for him, which means he constantly has the runs

All of this just makes me so disappointed in her. I feel my friend was so selfish in getting the dog in the first place, as all of this was so predictable, hence why I suggested she hold off for a while before getting a dog. I also absolutely hate seeing the poor dog not being treated properly and suffering as a result.

If this was just any friend I would honestly cut off the friendship but she is my best friend and I am the godmother to her DC.

AIBU to be this upset over someone else’s dog?

Ime this is how most people approach dog ownership. Obviously it's not great, but it's fairly standard. We're a nation of dog owners, but that doesn't mean we're any good at it.

Your friend is a prime example of why rescues end up overwhelmed with unsocialised, untrained, overbred and unwanted dogs once the novelty wears off.

It is irresponsible to not insure when you can't afford vet treatment and a dog needs basic medical care such as anthelmintics on a regular basis, which probably isn't done either resulting in the digestive issues.
Your friend is the type of selfish individual who puts their wants above the responsible and compassionate care of an animal. I'd struggle to be civil to her.

@usernameshistory

Report her and save the cruelty and suffering the dog (and many others needlessly) will suffer in the months and years to come. You know it's the right thing to do OP. Sometimes the right thing is difficult.

What can you report her for though?
Buying cheap food - plenty of pet owners buy cheap food.
Not castrating - Not a legal requirement.
Not vaccinating - again not a legal requirement.
Not having insurance - we don't have pet insurance, we pay as we go.
Short walks - puppies shouldn't have long walks.
Not training - loads of fuckers don't train their dogs.

Whilst it's not ideal and she's sounds a bit dopey, nothing is enough to report her.

@Eupraxia

Bought a few months ago as a puppy? So dog is around 16 weeks old?

(1) Cheap doesn't mean backyard breeder. Expensive definitely doesn't mean not a backyard breeder
(2) Some vets have long waiting lists. Possible that she's waiting for an appointment.
(3) Because not vaccinated yet? Very young pups need very little walking.
(4) not an indication of poor dog ownership at all
(5) lots if puppies are destructive and grow out of it. Much depends on your interpretation.
(6) You just sound judgmental.
(7) thus isn't an indication of poor dog ownership.

You don't sound like a very nice friend.

I'm sorry but pretty much all of those are signs of being a shitty owner. There are no waiting lists to join vets and even if there were at one of two, there are plenty around.

A poor diet is really bad for dogs.

Not having vaccinations leaves the dog and others at risk.

Many cheap dogs are poorly bred with no health checks and possibly puppy farmed.

An untrained and under excercised dog is likely bored, frustrated and unhappy.

YANBU, your friend sounds like an idiot. Unfortunately there's a lot of them about, and apart from try and stress the importance of vaccination/training/age appropriate exercise there's not much you can do.

Surely no jabs is neglect?

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Surely no jabs is neglect?

Some don't vaccinate, some do initial jabs then don't do boosters. You can have tests to establish the dog's immunity.

So it's not necessarily neglectful but all the points made add up to a shitty dog owner.

I would ring the RSPCA. There is an advice line where you can ask for help or report someone.

The problem is, if we all continue to ignore stuff like this then people will continue to buy puppies from questionable sources and treat the animal however they see fit. It's just not good enough and we should be calling people out or the cycle will just perpetuate itself.

I couldn't be friends with someone who thought it was okay to treat an animal like this. She sounds like an utter jerk.

The main reason I have pet insurance for my dog is for 3rd party. If your friend’s dog gets out onto the road and causes an accident, or bites someone, your friend is liable to be sued.

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Surely no jabs is neglect?

Some people don't believe in jabbing their DC let alone a dog. That on its own is not neglect.

You've had lots of defensive replies OP!

But yes, I agree with you. She sounds like a shit owner but if the puppy is fed and sheltered and not beaten, I doubt the RSPCA will do anything.

But if you are as close as you say, what stops you from saying "Oy friend, I'm concerned that you are not looking after the puppy properly" and giving her the reasons you've given here?

I don’t know why people are defending the friend.

If nothing else the OP says the friend gets angry at an untrained puppy for being destructive. Regardless of anything else that’s shit behaviour. Dogs don’t deserve to have their owner getting angry at them.

I'm not defending her, she sounds a dreadful irresponsible owner who should never own pets. But I don't think there is much OP can do other than try and educate her, maybe?

@Eupraxia

Bought a few months ago as a puppy? So dog is around 16 weeks old?

(1) Cheap doesn't mean backyard breeder. Expensive definitely doesn't mean not a backyard breeder
(2) Some vets have long waiting lists. Possible that she's waiting for an appointment.
(3) Because not vaccinated yet? Very young pups need very little walking.
(4) not an indication of poor dog ownership at all
(5) lots if puppies are destructive and grow out of it. Much depends on your interpretation.
(6) You just sound judgmental.
(7) thus isn't an indication of poor dog ownership.

You don't sound like a very nice friend.

4 is absolutely an indication of poor dog ownership, IMO. Even if you can afford vets fees without insurance pet insurance also comes with public liability insurance which everyone with a dog is sensible to have.

And how is 7 not indicative of poor dog ownership? If the brand of food you’re feeding your dog on is causing it to constantly have an upset stomach then you seek advice from a vet and try it on something different. There’s nothing wrong with feeding cheaper brands if they agree with your dog, but this obviously doesn’t.

If dog is 16 weeks it is too young to have it neutered. I very much doubt any owner of a bitch would choose this dog to father the puppies. If dog is not suited to its food why not suggest friend tries another brand? Instead of watching and judging have you offered your friend to help train it? Puppies without vaccinations should not go out for walks. Try helping before reporting.

I have friend like this too, although in fairness her DH got the dog for her birthday. But most of what you've said applies here. I ve tried to bring it up but she's not listening and she very much sees the dog as her DH's. He's been spoken to it too but brushes it off. There's not much else I can do

If not having insurance means the alternative is euthanasia, then that isn't good animal care. It's part of the cost that needs considering before taking on a pet.

If you can afford vet bills without insurance then that's ok, otherwise just get insurance instead of euthanising a pet when you can't afford treatment.

@JuliTooley, I'd report her to the RSPCA for allowing the poor thing to have a constant upset tummy and not going to the vet to investigate. Pretty sure that could be classed as neglect, which she could be prosecuted for if she's not careful. If the RSPCA visit her they might be able to educate her or, best case scenario, persuade her to sign him over to them. She doesn't deserve to have a pet. If she were my friend I'd be willing to risk losing the friendship over something like this.

My pup is 10 months old and only now goes on long walks as we were advised only 5 minutes per month of age, so at 16 weeks that’s no more than 20 minutes a day. She also wasn’t trained well at that age but she is now. She also isn’t neutered yet as it’s best practice to wait until she has her first season. We don’t have pet insurance yet but have a healthcare plan that includes check ups and worming/fee treatment. She’s not a pedigree but is a very healthy dog. We buy expensive food but she prefers Bakers (she had it once when we were waiting for food delivery).

Some of the things you’ve mentioned are just snobby. The only thing I would be concerned about is her behaviour/attitude towards the dog. Again, it’s fine to get frustrated with the dog as long as it’s not being taken out on the dog.

Re the point about euthanasia not being good animal care, there actually aren't any welfare issues with euthanising an animal, the issues are caused by not treating and leaving an animal to suffer. Euthanasia is a viable alternative for those with no funds, however unfair it might seem

If it's euthanasia or an animal suffering, then yes, it's fairer to have the animal put down.

However an owner shouldn't be making this choice. If you can't afford insurance and don't have the funds to cover treatment then you shouldn't be buying the animal in the first place.

@usernameshistory

Report her and save the cruelty and suffering the dog (and many others needlessly) will suffer in the months and years to come. You know it's the right thing to do OP. Sometimes the right thing is difficult.

The rspca will not remove a dog that has food and shelter etc

I'd report her to the RSPCA for allowing the poor thing to have a constant upset tummy and not going to the vet to investigate. Pretty sure that could be classed as neglect, which she could be prosecuted for if she's not careful. If the RSPCA visit her they might be able to educate her or, best case scenario, persuade her to sign him over to them.

The RSPCA are shite. They won't do any of those things.

It's not plausible what you say about her wanting to put him to stud.

@SandysMam

If the dog is fed and loved then it will be ok, even with all those other things mentioned. I would worry more for a puppy left alone for 10 hours a day!

This is a lovely thought but it’s simply not true. Same as when people say ‘oh if a child is fed and loved then they’re ok.’

Dogs need a lot more than food and love. They need good and consistent training and socialisation, appropriate vet care including neutering if you’re not an experienced and researched breeder with a good example of the breed, food that suits them, exercise, time. That’s why I wouldn’t have another dog. Food and love I could give, but time, energy, and money I couldn’t at the moment.