to be concerned about DiL locking us all in.

[Sazzasez]

Staying with DH at home of DiL & 2 grandsprogs. DiL has always been very anxious about security, break-ins etc. This is quite reasonable, but she seems to be elaborating precautions & I worry it’s putting herself and us at risk.
This time around: kitchen locked, front door blocked with a board, 2 bolts, 1 bolt also jammed with a screwdriver, 2 deadbolt locks, and one ordinary lock. All except the last I could open (took about 10 minutes) but the key is nowhere to be seen.
I wanted to pop out to the local shops while everyone was still asleep in the morning, and I could not get out.
I find this terrifying: what on earth would happen if there was a fire?
The home is a second & third floor maisonette so way too high to get out of the window. The kitchen window opens onto the walkway, which is presumably why she also locks the kitchen at night.
Am I being unreasonable to think it could be a little easier to get out, without making it easier to get in?
Any advice on how I address this...

That's extreme. Keys need to be near to doors for fire escape reasons!

This is so excessive it suggests she has an underlying anxiety issue which needs to be addressed.

I completely agree about the fire risk, she needs an escape plan and every member needs to be confident at opening the locks quickly and on a rush.

Fire brigades often offer home safety assessments which might be an idea. There are also locks that can be opened from the inside without a key for fire safety - I think there's a legal requirement to have these in rental properties - again, professionals can advise on this.

You're right, presumably she has the keys but what if she was found unconscious/ having a seizure and you'd needed an ambulance for her.

I'd try and approach this from a point of trying to understand why she feels she needs so much security- is it a rough area, did she grow up feeling under threat at home, has there been an attempted break in, has she been a victim of crime that kind of thing. Don't go straight in with the risks, more work out why she is taking such measures first and discuss potentially safer methods.

At the very least, she needs an extra set of keys cut to leave somewhere that overnight visitors are aware of.

Do they in a particularly high crime area? I'd perhaps discuss with her having a fire escape plan.
www.london-fire.gov.uk/safety/the-home/escape-plan/

The easiest solution is to change the key locks with those that have twist locks, no key on the inside. They are high standard and should be fitted to any flat anyway.

That way she can lock every door she wants to and everyone will be able to get out without having to find keys.

I wouldn’t stay there because of the fire risk. I would also make myself deeply unpopular by pointing this out. There’s clearly extreme un-dealt-with anxiety in play here and DiL could do with some support and maybe needs an external perspective to help her see this.
In practical terms I’d second pp suggestion of fire brigade advice on secure but easily openable lock options.

Blocking the door with boards and jamming locks with a screwdriver? That’s not a normal security precaution, that’s obsessive and paranoid and I think she needs some help dealing with that. And yes, it would be dangerous in a fire.

Have you said you had wanted to pop out to the shops this morning to your son or DIL? If so, what did they say?

That's really quite extreme anxiety there.
It needs addressing.

She needs to know how quickly fire can and does spread, and how long it would take her to get herself and the kids out of the property with all those locks. And a key to find!

If the area is part of the reasoning, maybe she needs to start thinking of moving, but she needs to address this quite quickly.

Do the grandsprogs try and run away? One of mine would have given Houdini a run for his money and I had to double lock everything and hide keys. It was hard work keeping him from escaping out of a window or something.

What does your son say??

I wouldn't stay there and I would tell her why.

Maybe see if her local fire service do fire safety visits - London Fire Brigade do. They also have an on-line checker you can complete yourself.

This is making me feel very claustrophobic. Years ago we stayed in a friend's villa with externally wall mounted bars on every single window. The realisation that we couldn't get out if the route to the door was compromised was frightening.
I wouldn't be staying again to be honest.

Both my dp’s are security conscious but I know where the key is before bed.
Your dil sounds very anxious.

Maybe she should get a smart alarm? There are loads out there now that you can install yourself. (Around £200-£300)

From your description it sounds like she’s scared of someone breaking in while she’s in the house rather than protection from a robbery while she’s out?

Maybe the alarm would give her some peace of mind?

That’s nuts! I would be out of there asap, if there was an emergency you’d all be in a very dangerous situation.

She needs to seek professional help.

I have OCD centered around safety and security and I think that is extreme. The feelings of dread can be all consuming and it will be very hard for her to break the habits she has got in to. She needs your support and understanding.

It’s not safe. You are far more at risk of fire than a serious crime break-in - IE when someone is hurt.

I’d look into some of the suggestions on the thread and make some suggestions. At the least, everyone in the family needs to know how the security works and how to get out if they need to. Go tactfully with it - she’s clearly anxious (is it a rough area?) but I wouldn’t stay till I knew it was resolved.

Son (stepson in fact) is not in the picture. He went awol around the time they were made homeless & has not been in the picture since. Doesn’t answer calls from his daughters or his Dad.

Yes: she clearly has anxiety issues. She comes by them very honestly.

It’s council housing (quite good standard). She had them change the locks when they moved in (previous temporary accommodation they’d been in had a door not properly fixed from being obviously kicked in).

A fire brigade plan might help. Thank you for the suggestion.

I think you just need to jump straight in and mention that while on one hand no one is getting in, but the danger from fire also needs to be considered.

Has she always been like this or has she got worse over time? I'd be worrying about her mental health, it does sound like an unusual level of anxiety.

I'd be terrified of the fire risk and would have to say something, perhaps to your son first?

Are there any ‘things’ you and her father could buy her to help feel more secure?
A Ring Doorbell, better locks, smart alarm as suggested by another poster?

The fire escape plan is definitely a good idea, bet you felt terrified trying to get out.

That does seem extreme! How long are you staying there-I’d be wanting to be in my own home, to be honest. I presume it’s her house and she can do what she wants with it.

I understand how you feel. My inlaws like to lock themselves in at night, although at my request they now leave the keys in an obvious place.

At home, we have a high security lock that you can open from inside without a key - a much better arrangement for visitors. We also leave keys by doors (out of sight of windows).

I got locked in once as a student, after a party, and climbed out the bathroom window down a drainpipe. Guests should not need to contemplate this!

I think asking the fire brigade to take a look is a good idea if you think DIL will accept it. Maybe it will help her take a more balanced view of burglary vs fire risks.

Oh blimey. That is a very real fire risk.