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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To agree to this but say he/they will need to give me some money?

65 replies

TheBanker21 · 20/02/2022 09:47

My husband and his ex have 50:50 with their two children.

They have an agreement where they split the holidays by taking their annual leave / arranging childcare.

My husband's ex was due to be off over half term but has just been called into work due to short staffing and my husband will struggle to be off now due to booking jobs in (SE) as ex was due to be off this time.

I work part time (also SE) and very flexibly and so I am off next week with our DC (nursery age and just started school) I keep finances separate (pay bills from a joint account but spends are separate). I have my own money and contribute to the household via my work.

I have some days out booked for DC next week with friends.

I have said I can look after DSC but their parents will need to provide the funds for them to join us on our days out as I don't want to have to cancel (and sit in all week doing nothing) and I also don't want to pay for two extra tickets and food etc.. whilst there. DSC are 8 & 10 so also cost more for most of the things.

AIBU to say this is fine but DH and / or his ex will need to provide the money between them so we can do the things I had planned over the school holiday?

OP posts:
OMGItsEarly · 20/02/2022 10:03

Hang on, they are your DH’s children but he isn’t prepared to pay for them to join on days out with their siblings?
I get that it’s good of you to provide childcare but it seems a bit mean for him to pay for his children with you but not his other children.

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 20/02/2022 10:03

YANBU, if finances are seperate then they need to give you the money.

Cherrysoup · 20/02/2022 10:04

Your finances are separate so YANBU.

Original poster
TheBanker21 · 20/02/2022 10:05

@OMGItsEarly

Hang on, they are your DH’s children but he isn’t prepared to pay for them to join on days out with their siblings? I get that it’s good of you to provide childcare but it seems a bit mean for him to pay for his children with you but not his other children.
He isn't paying for our DC. I've booked the days with my money. Which is fine by me I don't care about that. He'll do other things throughout the year with our DC so it evens out in the end.
OP posts:
HunterHearstHelmsley · 20/02/2022 10:07

Totally reasonable to ask. If they decline to pay for the tickets, you won't be able to do the childcare. You already have plans.

Chocomelon · 20/02/2022 10:08

YANBU

BluebellsGreenbells · 20/02/2022 10:09

It’s not mean - the ExW would need to fund childcare if she’s called to work so she’s saving on that as it’s her turn.

I don’t see why OP should have them AND pay for them.

I’d tot up the coat and let them figure it out.

Peachtoiletpaper · 20/02/2022 10:10

Totally reasonable. You've offered to solve their childcare problem, you can't be expected to pay for the privilege too. I'm sure they won't be surprised by this request in the least.

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 20/02/2022 10:12

More than reasonable you’re doing them a massive favour as it is

Howshouldibehave · 20/02/2022 10:13

Totally reasonable-why do you ask, though, have either of them said you were being unreasonable?

multivac · 20/02/2022 10:14

Either your husband or his ex should pay; and they should sort it out between them.

Getoutofbed25 · 20/02/2022 10:16

Not unreasonable. I would just say I have plans, I’ve checked and there are tickets available for DSC at a cost of £xx in total, plus meals out etc, £xx should cover the additional cost of taking them. I would just speak to DH about it and get him to give me the money, I’d probably just be saying I’ll need about £150 for activities and food for the week, transfer it over. Otherwise they need to rearrange work.

cherryonthecakes · 20/02/2022 10:20

Very reasonable.
If they think the cost of going out with you is expensive then they can always look for alternative childcare

Original poster
TheBanker21 · 20/02/2022 11:30

H has moaned a little. He hasn't really budgeted for the extra as it wasn't his "turn" and ex isn't always the most reasonable woman.

Personally I think she should cover most considering it was supposed to be her holiday to cover. DH will still be expected I've no doubt to cover his turn next half term including paying for the days out etc.. which he'll budget for then.

I do technically have the money myself but would rather not pay for it myself.

OP posts:
ProudThrilledHappy · 20/02/2022 11:32

She should pay if it’s her week. Alternative is she gets holiday childcare, presumably at much higher cost

Howshouldibehave · 20/02/2022 11:33

H has moaned a little
ex isn't always the most reasonable woman

I’m not sure I’d be keen to help either of them out tbh. I would imagine she could probably tell her work that she can’t do extra due to short staffing as she has no childcare. She’s only doing this because you’re providing it free.

Tlollj · 20/02/2022 11:34

I think the ex should pay tbh. If she was home she would have to. So as it’s her week to have them she should pay. Either way it’s not your problem, tickets cost xxx lunch costs xxx let them argue among themselves.

HTH1 · 20/02/2022 11:35

DH should be paying towards the costs of your DC together so should absolutely pay for DSC (up to him if he wants to claim anything back from his ex).

Tlollj · 20/02/2022 11:35

Or as above she can tell work she can’t get childcare.

Howshouldibehave · 20/02/2022 11:35

If she won’t give you the money in advance, I would say you won’t have them.

I honestly wouldn’t fancy having 4 kids instead of 2 for the whole of half term!

amusedbush · 20/02/2022 11:35

He hasn't really budgeted for the extra

Well, neither have you as this has been sprung on you, yet he's moaning that you aren't immediately getting your cash out to cover it.

Either he takes the financial hit to save an argument with his ex or he asks her for the money. If you say no, his ex will need to pay a lot more for childcare so she should consider your request a bargain.

Longdistance · 20/02/2022 11:44

This is not your problem to solve. It's the ex's and your dhs problem to solve. Neither have an answer, you have offered, if it isn't to their liking, then tough. Step away!

AndAsIfByMagic · 20/02/2022 11:48

I think you are a saint for saying yes. Tell her pay up or they can't come.

Justmuddlingalong · 20/02/2022 11:49

If you've been good enough to offer, they can thrash out the finances between them. If they can't agree, that's unfortunate, but not your problem. Just carry on with the plans you originally made.

Howshouldibehave · 20/02/2022 11:51

Whatever you do, don’t do it without getting the money in advance as you can bet your bottom dollar, once you get to the end of the week, and the childcare problems have all been magically solved by you, you won’t see any money then!