DC wants to change their surname

[dcnamechangedilemma]

Long time poster, name changed.

DC is now teenage , and wants to change their surname from their Father's name to mine. I reverted to my maiden name several years ago.

DC has asked school and school say that I have to be ok with this. No mention of father, whose details they do have.

Legally DC cannot change surname until they are 16, but apparently they can have a "known as " name at school.

Father has seen DC around 4-5 times in 2020 and same in 2021 using covid as an excuse. Father has not seen DC since before Christmas. Father rarely contacts DC between visits. Father moved several hours away a couple of years ago. DC has become more and more disillusioned with them.

I am concerned that if DC changes their name and father sees this on social media/school reports etc, then their father will ditch them for good. DC has half siblings with same surname. I would love DC to have my surname , but don't want DC to make such a huge decision if not taking on board the potential consequences.

I have tried to warn DC of the potential fall out from this, but DC is adamant that they want to change their name. What would you do if your DC wanted to do this? Have you been in a similar situation?

If they change it won't dad be bound to find out from school reports etc?

I haven't been there, my outsider's perspective would be to allow them to change it but to let Ex know first, so that he is not surprised by it. I think he will find out, and his reaction will be much worse if he isn't warned beforehand and feels you've done it with school behind his back.

Adding your name as a second surname might be a good middle ground. It doesn't fix the problem for DC yet, but it should feel like solid progress for them in the right direction, avoiding issues with exam certificates and maybe less explosive with their dad.

@ThistlesAndUnicorns

And re. exam results, they will be in his legal name but he can change it afterwards and with proof of new name (once he's of age) they will issue out another copy. Assuming there will be a charge but not entirely sure. I was told to do this but haven't gotten round to it as I've not needed my certificates for a while!

That's not correct although it is a common misconception. Examination (and degree) certificates can only be issued in the name you had at the time.

So when you produce the certificates later you also produce the Deed Poll alongside them to prove they are yours (Deed Poll shows your old name per the certificate and that you then adopted your current name).

The only circumstance in which you can get documents retrospectively altered for a name change is with a gender recognition certificate.

Otherwise everything stays in the original name and you just present the Deed Poll to prove its yours (which shows your previous name and your current name).

I have a Deed Poll having changed mine so I have been through this. If you don't believe me and want to check for yourself (which is fair enough, I'm just another Mumsnet random to you) - this is published on gov.uk and exam board (and university) websites themselves.

My son changed his known as name when he was at primary school. His dad hasn't seen him since he was 5 and he wanted to be called the same name as me and his other sibling. All his decision. We did speak about how a father should not treat children like that, as I didn't want my son to think he had done anything wrong, especially being so young. He has now legally changed his name and his dad has never been back in touch. Go for it.

My DC's schools and clubs have always been fine double barrelling their names. They went into reception with my surname added.

DS is 15 and he's gutted he can't just have my surname until he's 18. The system won't let him do it without his dad's permission.

I don't know what the time frame is for changing the name, and for entering the name on the exam

The name change itself can be done same day. Have the paperwork ready, have witness sorted, sign - name is now changed.

It'll just come down to notification process with exam boards. I'd maybe find out now tbh so DC can factor it into their decision and expectations are managed.

@megletthesecond

My DC's schools and clubs have always been fine double barrelling their names. They went into reception with my surname added.

DS is 15 and he's gutted he can't just have my surname until he's 18. The system won't let him do it without his dad's permission.

It's 16. He can sign his own deed poll at 16.

All you need to do is give permission to school and they will change it, no need for a big fuss. Sounds like your DC will change it legally as soon as he can anyway. No need for a big drama

I would support my dc by explaining the possible outcome - which you have done.

Then respect that actually they probably don't want to have the same name as their father and siblings for a reason. Then determine if that reason needs attention ?

I think your first port of call should be the school to clarify several things.

Will they change it with your agreement even though the other parent has PR and won't be consenting (legally they shouldn't, but some will)?
What will they do if he contacts them and objects?

Your DC needs to be aware that if Dad objects the school will have no choice, but to insist they use their legal name.

Also make sure that they are aware they will still need to put their current name on some forms and documents. I changed my first name at 14, then legally at 16, but still need to have my former name on certain things. So it's not a complete escape from the old name.

My understanding is that you cannot cause a child under 16 to be known by a different name without the consent of everyone with PR, and that includes use of a "known as" name. I am a GP and we do not allow a separated parent to add a "known as" surname to their child's record in this circumstance. Both parents need to agree. I don't think you are meant to use a "known as" name at school either. OP, try posting on the Legal board - I fear you're getting some well-meaning but ropey advice here. If you change to a "known as" name at school and at the GP then I think the child's father could take you to court even if you don't try to change it on his passport.

@SausagePourHomme

"Legally DC cannot change surname until they are 16"

I don't think that's true is it?

I changed my own name at 14 by choice

You cannot legally change the name of an under 16 without the permission of everyone with parental responsibility. www.gov.uk/change-name-deed-poll/change-a-childs-name

@OhNoWhatYouGonnaDo

Incorrect re school. To register you need legal name/proof but once the child is registered what they are called on register/exam results etc, is up to child + parent. It's informal. If the child has decided and one parent gives permission, that stands. It's how i went by my mums boyfriends name 11 onwards til legally changing it

GP/Passport is completely different. And that won't matter anyway once DC turns 16 and legally changes name.

@OhNoWhatYouGonnaDo

My understanding is that you cannot cause a child under 16 to be known by a different name without the consent of everyone with PR, and that includes use of a "known as" name. I am a GP and we do not allow a separated parent to add a "known as" surname to their child's record in this circumstance. Both parents need to agree. I don't think you are meant to use a "known as" name at school either. OP, try posting on the Legal board - I fear you're getting some well-meaning but ropey advice here. If you change to a "known as" name at school and at the GP then I think the child's father could take you to court even if you don't try to change it on his passport.

He wouldn't have to go to court. All he'd have to do was write to the school and GP and insist that until a court order changing the name was issued the legal name was used.

Some schools are still not completely compliant though and will allow a 'known as' surname, but far fewer than previously would.

form it looks like he will need permission from his dad if he's under 18. Which he won't get. He'll have to sit tight for a bit.

More legal info
www.familylawgroup.co.uk/site/blog/flg-news/can-i-change-my-childs-name

[quote HonestwithHope1]@OhNoWhatYouGonnaDo

Incorrect re school. To register you need legal name/proof but once the child is registered what they are called on register/exam results etc, is up to child + parent. It's informal. If the child has decided and one parent gives permission, that stands. It's how i went by my mums boyfriends name 11 onwards til legally changing it

GP/Passport is completely different. And that won't matter anyway once DC turns 16 and legally changes name.[/quote]
Oh no isn't wrong.

Schools are not supposed to use known as surnames without permission from all with PR.

Some still do, especially if they know the set up, but it's far less common now because they know that they will be forced to change it back if the parent not in agreement insists.

If you’re 16 or 17 you can choose to make your own unenrolled deed poll.

www.gov.uk/change-name-deed-poll/change-a-childs-name

I changed my name a very long time ago and have never once been asked for or needed an enrolled deed poll. Most people have unenrolled deed polls.

Once you've switched everything over and got passport etc in new name you rarely need to present the deed poll again, only really if an employer asks to see proof of qualifications that were awarded prior to the change.

Once your passport and bank etc are in your new name, any time you need to prove your identity thereafter all your documents are in that name so the deed poll is not relevant.

It's really pretty simple.

My DS (14) has been making noise about this too recently. My circumstances are different to yours because his father has only seen him a handful of times since walking out when DS was 4 months old. DS doesn't like not having the same name as me and the rest of his extended family (father's side have never bothered with him) and he asked me about changing his name a couple of months ago.

I explained to him what would be needed because the father is on his birth certificate and he muttered about it being a faff. All I said to him was that it's his choice but if he's going to make a decision, it would be better to do it before he takes any exams. He hasn't mentioned it since, but if he does, then I'm happy to go along with what he wants

@megletthesecond

form it looks like he will need permission from his dad if he's under 18. Which he won't get. He'll have to sit tight for a bit.

Nope, not for a 16 or 17 year old to sign their own deed poll.

If you were signing a deed poll for him, yes, but I'm not sure why you would do that when he can just do it himself from 16.

@JustLyra

but it's far less common now because they know that they will be forced to change it back if the parent not in agreement insists.

Not in my experience.

DD took my name a at 14.
Was “known as” at school until she was old enough for deed poll.
Exam certs were in her “known as” name.

It was her name, so she was the one making the decision. She didn’t want her fathers name as it was a constant reminder of how crap a parent he was.

She’s now 27 and has no regrets.

Dealing with her father’s lack of interest had a huge and ongoing impact on her MH. She used to say “what is wrong with me that he doesn’t love me?” Changing her name gave her some control over her life.

[quote HonestwithHope1]@OhNoWhatYouGonnaDo

Incorrect re school. To register you need legal name/proof but once the child is registered what they are called on register/exam results etc, is up to child + parent. It's informal. If the child has decided and one parent gives permission, that stands. It's how i went by my mums boyfriends name 11 onwards til legally changing it

GP/Passport is completely different. And that won't matter anyway once DC turns 16 and legally changes name.[/quote]
Legally that is incorrect. Schools cannot change a name legally without both parents permission or a court order where 1 parent disagrees.

@formalineadeline apologies if I have given wrong information, I'm in Scotland and that was what I was told on the SQA helpline after I received a new qualification 5 years ago which only gave that qualification and not the rest.

I appreciate the call handler may have been wrong as I haven't done this as yet or that there may be different rules in different areas.

Soontobe60

...as said. Schools don't change anything legally ... They can't. It's informal. They will accept informal changes provided kid and one parent agree

There's also no rule saying enter kids for exams by birth cert name, so as said - my name was informally changed for school with mine/one parents permission and that was the name they put me through my exams- my first GCSE was 11 years ago, the last, 9 years ago- after that I changed my name legally. So any legal changes like GP/Passport/Banking were also changed

Watching this with interest as my 9 year old recently asked if she could change her surname to mine. Dad was abusive - the children aren't fully aware of this but 9 old now seems old enough to realise that he isn't present or involved and she doesn't feel like she has any connection to him. I explained the ramifications of changing and explained that aged 16 she can change this without his permission if she still wants to. I imagine if she does my 2 younger ones will follow. I wasn't sure about the 'known as' option. Was going to speak to the school for guidance.