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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect my partner to come home

100 replies

stormynight1 · 18/02/2022 14:14

Partner got train to work this morning it's an hour by train 45 minutes by car. All trains where due to be cancelled so I suggested he drive if he really had to go or try and work from home. I wasn't feeling well this week and have just been on the floor crawling in pain to the bathroom loosing loads of blood and then just passed out my wall lining In one lump. I have had this before in the past this pain is awful although I'm feeling slightly better but have been throwing up from the pain and shaking. I'm not lying on my bed not able to move and I know there is nothing that can be done and will just have to ride it out. He's now getting picked up by his dad and staying at his. Even if the trains do run again which it looks like they are. The hospital and doctors can't do anything I already have morphine myself so I just have to lay here until I feel better. I just wish he was coming home to I could have some help with being looked after as I can't really do that right now. He's suggested I go to my mums but that involves me packing a bag and I can't even leave my bed now

OP posts:

Imdonna · 19/02/2022 05:28

If a woman posted to say her husband was at home in terrible pain with an ongoing medical condition, vomiting and miserable, and was she being unreasonable to go and stay at her dad's after work instead of going home, the responses would be completely different. And the storm passed over hours ago, so that's hardly an excuse.*

In what way?

Momijin · 19/02/2022 05:42

If he could have worked from home then he should have stayed home to be on stand by, clean up after you and help you. I wouldn't have left my ill partner on his own!

Hope you feel better soon op.

Ps I was wondering at first how you could have taken the wall lining down!

TheresOnlyOneWay · 19/02/2022 05:54

@CharlotteRose90

We’re in the middle of a dangerous storm and you want him coming home. Beyond selfish. If you can manage to move about, get snacks and go to the toilet etc you don’t need him tonight. If you were that unwell and needed help you would call an ambulance to be seen at hospital on a ward. I have endo and have had episodes like yours myself. Sadly without the right treatment you have to do the best you can . If you were single the only person you could rely on is you. Have a good rest and if you still feel bad tomorrow go to a&e.

@CharlotteRose90

Well he managed to drive to a pool hall for a game with his dad in this 'dangerous storm' so can't be too bad for him.

UserError012345 · 19/02/2022 06:19

Why did he take the train if he usually drives ?

amylou8 · 19/02/2022 06:23

Maybe he needs a break. You sound like you're having a really tough time. That can also be wearing for other people around you. He knows you've had the medical attention you need, you're up and you're eating. The storm has provided the perfect excuse for him to have a night off at his dad's. If he normally supportive I'd let this one go.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 19/02/2022 06:35

@amylou8

I agree. You do say he's usually there so maybe he just needs a break. With the storm it could be he didn't want his dad driving back alone if he was to drop him to you.

rookiemere · 19/02/2022 06:58

Endometriosis is a horrible illness - I know because I have it myself. It's also a hard one for loved ones. There's no obvious solution as surgeries sometimes don't work.
I do feel for you OP, but also I can sort of understand if your DP wants/needs a break from your chronic condition.

LovedayCL · 19/02/2022 07:07

@haikyew

No one who's that sick Grabs "loads of snacks" to munch on Hypochondria

Spitefulness in less syllables than braincells. Quaint.

LovedayCL · 19/02/2022 07:09

Storm Bitch is out in full force tonight. Hope you’re ok OP. These ones are limited in where they get their kicks in real life.

Looubylou · 19/02/2022 08:31

Hi OP, hope you are feeling better today. This has been a difficult one to call to be honest. I can totally see how he wouldn't want his dad to drive home alone, in the dark, with the after effects of the storm. Also in my area the storm didn't start until about 4pm, so PP are assuming a lot. You have indicated that he is usually caring and thoughtful, so I'd overlook this one to be honest, as an unusual episode. I doubt he has suddenly morphed into an uncaring bastard. I do think people are being harsh though. The emotional effects of having a condition so debilitating, every month, without hope of effective treatment, is bound to affect your emotional wellbeing too. I hope you can get effective treatment sorted.

Rachie1973 · 19/02/2022 12:58

@stormynight1

Where we are there are same weather conditions today and tomorrow morning all I’ve managed is some crisps and have thrown those up because I can’t stand long enough to cook anything. He could come and try and cook me some toast or plane pasta change my bedsheet so I can sleep properly empty my sick bucket as I’ve struggled too and tipped most of it around the loo and not in it

Sorry but this is just insane.

tryanotherone123 · 19/02/2022 14:23

I don't understand a lot of the PPs.

If my partner was suffering like this and there was a way to get home I would do whatever I could to be there.

Even if there was nothing I could do I would still want to be there. I would want them to know they're not alone and that I care.

thaegumathteth · 19/02/2022 17:50

@Migrainesbythedozen

I would text his DAD and explain to him you need him to bring him home.

I would text partner and say you need him home now, and if he doesn't come back tonight, to NOT BOTHER COMING BACK HOME AT ALL TOMORROW.

This would be a deal-breaker, OP. I'll be honest with you; I would tell partner he either comes back now, or he doesn't bother coming back at all.

It's really that simple.

Why haven't you texted his father?

You'd call his dad???? Wtf. He's not 8 years old,

Nanny0gg · 19/02/2022 18:18

@haikyew

You can't be that sick If you're "eating all the snacks" You sound like hard work

You don't sound very nice

Migrainesbythedozen · 20/02/2022 05:23

@thaegumathteth Since his dad is the one who is driving him and pick him up, yes I absolutely would call his dad to ask him to drop my partner home. Is that a problem?

EveryAvenue · 20/02/2022 11:43

@haikyew

No one who's that sick Grabs "loads of snacks" to munch on Hypochondria

Do you have endometriosis?

haikyew · 20/02/2022 12:30

Treated in 20s
Luckily pain subsided
During mid 30s

Original poster

stormynight1 · 21/02/2022 01:00

Just an update as I can’t sleep ended up in worse pain during the night the blood was just so heavy I was completely soaking pads instantly. Rang 111 in desperation to ask if i could take tramadol with the morphine for some hope of relief. Was told an ambulance was being sent to check me over as she was concerned. Ambulance checked me over said I had low blood pressure as I kept being sick wanted to take me in. I asked if I could stay home and just take the tramadol as I was exhausted by this point but as I was alone they werent willing to leave me in the state that I was in. Hospital gave me a drip as I was dehydrated some more transanamic acid and pain relief. They recommend I see my constant for another scan. Finally managed to get through too my partner at 6 in the morning and he came back with his dad to drop me off some spare pants and pyjama bottoms to the hospital. He felt very sorry and apologetic for not coming back sooner and has been a star since. Was realised the next morning and have slowly felt better. Although slightly annoyed now as I used my savings to see a private doctor about a weekago and she gave me a prescription but said I couldn’t take them till my period had ended. I asked for it to be sent to boots as I have a pay monthly card. Turns out you can’t use it for private prescriptions so it’s cost me 98 pounds money I don’t really have but will try and earn back with some overtime if I can manage it. I’m hopeful my doctor will continue to prescribe it to me on the nhs once my private prescription runs out.

OP posts:

Migrainesbythedozen · 21/02/2022 01:03

OP is there any possibility you can get a hysterectomy?

Original poster

stormynight1 · 21/02/2022 01:05

@Migrainesbythedozen I’m currently trying for a baby so have given myself 2 years before I give up and have a hysterectomy route

OP posts:

Migrainesbythedozen · 21/02/2022 01:29

[quote stormynight1]@Migrainesbythedozen I’m currently trying for a baby so have given myself 2 years before I give up and have a hysterectomy route[/quote]
Even if you may die before you conceive? Of course it's up to you but I would say trying for a baby is completely out of the question now. Your health and your life is far too important. Don't die trying. I think arranging an emergency hysterectomy is far more important. You almost died, again. Having a child is just out of the question I'm afraid, or would be imo. It's just clearly not possible for you, I think it's something you need to accept can't happen and you need to arrange an emergency hysterectomy asap. If it's as bad as you say it is, trying for a baby would be the absolute last thing on this earth on your mind.

rookiemere · 21/02/2022 09:29

@Migrainesbythedozen your advice seems a bit dramatic. Women with endometriosis do get pregnant and a hysterectomy is a big decision and not one to rush.

It's a horrible disease but women don't usually die from it.

There are other interim solutions, perhaps birth control for a few months to reduce the pain temporarily and give OP breathing space for longer term decisions.

Original poster

stormynight1 · 21/02/2022 10:02

It’s not that bad every month I get pain but never like that level. also my doctors won’t give me a hysterectomy yet because of my age and the fact I want children. I didn’t nearly die I may have felt like it but i didn’t. The last time I experienced that amount of blood loss and pain was maybe a year ago.

OP posts:

EveryAvenue · 21/02/2022 15:16

@haikyew

Treated in 20s Luckily pain subsided During mid 30s

Then your initial message was even ruder than it seemed.

Good for you that your pain subsided. How can you go through all of that with endometriosis and call OP a hypochondriac which literally means someone who thinks they have a condition they don’t have when she’s explained she’s had surgery?

There’s a reason they prescribe morphine and menopause shots for Endo and it’s because it’s fucking horrific. As you should know.

Original poster

stormynight1 · 21/02/2022 16:24

@EveryAvenue thank you

OP posts:

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