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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is rude

71 replies

ohahjustalittle · 18/02/2022 11:55

If a family member was getting married but had not put invites out yet, would it be rude to ask if you could take a friend all day if the bride and groom have never met them? (Person asking is obviously there all day as they are a close relative) I thinks it's rude as hell.

OP posts:

Mumdiva99 · 18/02/2022 11:58

So, this really depends on circumstances. Mostly I would say very rude. However there may be times you would accommodate......e.g. at our wedding I didn't offer +1's to anyone who knew other people going. However my husbands friend came and he knew no one so we did give him a +1.

I'm guessing you are the bride. The proper response is to laugh say nothing and issue invites when you are ready.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 18/02/2022 12:01

It depends.

If everyone else gets a plus one because they are in a couple and this person doesn't get a plus one because they are single that would be pretty unfair.

If numbers are limited, or there are a few invited without a plus one it's fair enough.

I don't think its rude to ask though.

RuthW · 18/02/2022 12:11

Yes it's rude imo

QuirkyTurtle · 18/02/2022 12:12

I don't think it's rude but it's a bit cheeky and puts the bride/groom in a bit of shit position.

Nadjahomesoil · 18/02/2022 12:13

Yes it's rude.

I'm getting married soon and have been asked. I said no. I don't want a random stranger that I've never met at my wedding.

The guest in question knows plenty of the other guests, it's not like they know nobody.

ukborn · 18/02/2022 12:14

Only if they are intending to invite plus ones (which I don't get - people think they can bring a date or friend, and it practically doubles the cost of the reception).
If invites haven't even gone out then it's rude to ask.

CorrBlimeyGG · 18/02/2022 12:14

Are other people allowed to bring partners?

Weddings can be incredibly dull if you're on your own.

Aprilx · 18/02/2022 12:14

I don’t think it matters whether the bridge and groom have met them or not. It is rude to ask full stop.

Aprilx · 18/02/2022 12:14

*bride not bridge 🙄

burnoutbabe · 18/02/2022 12:16

If it was abroad then seems reasonable to ask as you want to make a holiday of it.

PeacefulPrune · 18/02/2022 12:17

Depends on their reason. If its just because they want to bring a long a friend for fun them it's a bit impolite I wouldn't say rude as it's a question not a demand.

If they are asking because of social anxiety or some other genuines reason then I think it's fine.

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 18/02/2022 12:17

If it was a close family member, lie my sister or someone of that ilk, I wouldn't give it a second thought and would not percieve it as rude at all.

If it was an in-law asking if they could bring someone along, hmm, I still wouldn't think it was rude to be honest.

If we were close, I would have no qualms telling them yes or no.

LaBellina · 18/02/2022 12:18

Pretty rude and entitled, yes. Esspecially now because some people are still hesitant to invite large groups of people. I wouldn’t be impressed.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 18/02/2022 12:20

Inviting yourself anywhere and for any reason (I don't include dropping in for an ad hoc visit in this) is rude unless you have a level of closeness with that person which permits the taking of one or two liberties. By 'closeness' I'm suggesting you'd know that person well enough to know where the line is drawn.

Applying these considerations to any event, without considering that the event happens to be a wedding, will give you something closer to a reasonable answer. So yes, requesting an invitation to an event for someone unknown to the hosts is rude.

KatherineofGaunt · 18/02/2022 12:27

I don't think it's rude necessarily, it's just putting the B&G in a potentially uncomfortable situation to have to say no.

I sent a save the date to a family including the 18-year-old daughter. She immediately messaged asking if her boyfriend could come. I had met him two or three times before and didn't like him; he's a misogynist and a racist, homophobic and who knows what else. That's just what I found out after a couple of short conversations in which I found myself spending the whole time being defensive and trying to counter everything he was saying.

As she was so young at the time, I know she didn't mean to be rude, so I had to awkwardly decline, saying unfortunately we couldn't afford for everyone to come (kind of true).

Oh the other hand, very good friend asked if her boyfriend could come and I immediately said yes. I didn't think it rude and was glad she felt she could ask (I didn't realise the two of them were that serious, just thought it was more casual still).

Perhaps it's how well you know someone and their relationship with you?

CallMeDaddy58 · 18/02/2022 12:32

If it’s a close relative why do they need a friend with them? Surely they’ll know plenty of people attending?

I got married in Italy and invited my friend and her husband. Husband couldn’t make it so she asked if her Mum could come. I said yes of course as 1) it was abroad and 2) we’d already financially planned for that number of people so it wasn’t an extra person to accommodate.

Tequilabeliever · 18/02/2022 12:37

Yes it’s rude and cheeky. And more to the point, why would anyone want to go to a wedding of someone they’ve never met.

Mo1911 · 18/02/2022 12:37

That happened at my wedding. I can't say I was over the moon but it meant a lot to the person taking the other person so that's what mattered. Also it depends on the relationship to the couple and if the person knows anyone else at the wedding or will be the only single one at the wedding.

I don't think it's particularly cheeky or rude depending on the above. If they barely know the couple then that's a different thing entirely!

PolkaSpace · 18/02/2022 12:39

Depends how well you know them and your usual relationship. If my sister asked then I'd say yes If we can afford it or maybe even for the evening bit. It's their way of saying I'm going to be bored on my own.

SeasonFinale · 18/02/2022 12:40

As it is a close relative they are not on their own they are there with family.

So yes rude to ask tk take a friend unless that friend is in fact their partner!

Uafasach · 18/02/2022 12:40

By close family member, I'm assuming it's a sibling of the bride or groom so I don't think it's rude for them to discuss the wedding.

I do think it's rude to not give plus ones to single adults.

Totalwasteofpaper · 18/02/2022 12:41

Need more details as I agree it very much depends…

Twolostsoulsswimminginafishbow · 18/02/2022 12:43

Weddings are dull as hell when you’re on your own. My plus one would be DH but I wouldn’t attend if I was going to be sat there solo bored all day.
As for the argument about paying for strangers, you’ll be surprised how many married couples you invite will be long gone in twenty five years time.

PolkaSpace · 18/02/2022 12:45

@SeasonFinale

As it is a close relative they are not on their own they are there with family.

So yes rude to ask tk take a friend unless that friend is in fact their partner!

They might not get on with their family or not want to spend the whole time being asked when is their turn etc

PolkaSpace · 18/02/2022 12:45

They've asked if you can't accommodate it just say no

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