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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is rude

71 replies

ohahjustalittle · 18/02/2022 11:55

If a family member was getting married but had not put invites out yet, would it be rude to ask if you could take a friend all day if the bride and groom have never met them? (Person asking is obviously there all day as they are a close relative) I thinks it's rude as hell.

OP posts:

Scoobydoobywho · 18/02/2022 20:41

I had a friend ask this, she didn't drive so asked would it be possible for the lady who drove her to come to the wedding. I wanted my friend there so I was happy to accommodate.

TheWayOfTheWorld · 18/02/2022 20:43

Very rude! I had a cousin send back their RSVP, having written in "plus guest". Er no! I told my uncle (it was his DC, who I didn't actually see v much at all and only invited for family harmony) that we didn't have any spare slots but would let them know if it changed.

It didn't change.

Original poster

ohahjustalittle · 18/02/2022 20:46

@Scoobydoobywho

I had a friend ask this, she didn't drive so asked would it be possible for the lady who drove her to come to the wedding. I wanted my friend there so I was happy to accommodate.

Really? Our venue is around £90 ph. I feel like that's alot of money to pay for someone just to bring a friend that I don't know when there are other people there that they absolutely will know.

OP posts:

Ponoka7 · 18/02/2022 20:50

Causing an issue because you couldn't bring someone - rude. Asking isn't rude. You could have been putting a +1 and the person who they wanted to come would need to save the date. How long is it until the wedding?

sunshineandshowers40 · 18/02/2022 21:06

I think it depends on your relationship with your invited guest. Do you actually want them there? Do u want them to enjoy themselves? Do they know lots of people at the wedding? Is everyone else in a couple? Sorry lots of questions!

mrsbyers · 18/02/2022 21:33

Every person invited to our wedding was given a plus one , I’d hate to go to a wedding alone regardless of family links

SEcretsand · 18/02/2022 21:34

@Tequilabeliever

Yes it’s rude and cheeky. And more to the point, why would anyone want to go to a wedding of someone they’ve never met.

It's really not. And also loads of people go to weddings of people they have never met. It's called being a plus one. Often this is how people meet other people and become friends as well. How narrow minded.

Scoobydoobywho · 18/02/2022 22:41

@ohahjustalittle
Really? Our venue is around £90 ph. I feel like that's alot of money to pay for someone just to bring a friend that I don't know when there are other people there that they absolutely will know.

My friend was in her 80's and lived nearly 100 miles away. If having her friend at the wedding meant my friend being able to come so was happy for her friend to be there.

feeona123 · 18/02/2022 23:22

I added a plus one to all the single people at my wedding. I would hate to go to a wedding by myself.

Silversurfer101 · 18/02/2022 23:39

I think it’s a bit mean not to include a +1 for single people. Certainly not rude of them to ask if they’re going to be able to bring someone. Also, as a previous poster said, its not in common to go to weddings where its the first time of meeting the bride or groom when just starting to get integrated a new partners family for example. I guess it comes down to how much you want them there and how much you care about them having a nice time.

HoneyFlowers · 19/02/2022 00:10

I had a friend at my wedding who wanted to bring all her friends along, I said no.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 19/02/2022 00:14

Usually you invite a plus one surely so why does it matter? I don’t think it’s rude - I think it’s rude to invite someone without offering the chance to bring a plus one.

StarryNightSparkles · 19/02/2022 00:36

Personally I would never put out any invitations without adding a plus one, and as the hostess I would want all my guests to feel relaxed and enjoy themselves. I don't think it's rude or cheeky at all.

My friend takes me as a plus one to everything. Even when it's events where she knows a lot of people.

I could never ask a guest to arrive alone then find people to tag along with or sit/eat alone. Make conversation with people just because they are alone. I actually feel really sorry that the person had to ask to bring someone along. People can feel alone in a full room of people that they know.

I must be getting old because, I am muttering away about where did basic etiquette and hosting skills disappear too. And please don't embarrass yourself buy asking anyone who comes to pay for there own meal that's the height of cringe.

Bakewelltart987 · 19/02/2022 00:37

Yes its rude not only that but if its sit down meal there is a extra cost who's paying that I wouldn't pay £40 extra for a meal for some1 I don't know or invite to my wedding.

Chestofdraws · 19/02/2022 00:55

Is it a mate or a romantic partner please when you say friend. And what is the age of the person?

RobbieWeirdicht · 19/02/2022 01:06

@perimenofertility

I don't think it's rude of them to ask. You can just say no if you don't want them to bring a friend. If it was their partner instead of their friend, would it be different? A lot of people get a plus one invitation for them and a partner even if the married couple don't know the partner. As someone who has attended so many weddings over the years, many of them as a single person, I would point out that weddings can be incredibly dull especially if you are attending as a single!

This is my thinking as well.

If you are sending plus one invites to anybody else than why shouldn't your close family member get one too?

Or are you just automatically dismissing them as a 'single' and therefore a much cheaper guest than your 'coupled up' invites even though they are a close relative?

Holskey · 19/02/2022 01:51

Inviting plus ones is the norm isn't it? As it is pretty standard, the person asking probably didn't think it rude at all. And how can it be rude if it's a close relative asking? Surely you can discuss such a simple thing honestly if you're close?

WyfOfBathe · 19/02/2022 08:49

I don't think it's rude to ask. It would be rude if they didn't take no for an answer.

As someone who had my first serious relationship much later than most of my friends, I always dreaded wedding receptions. Even if you know people there, I find guests tend to stick with the people they came with, so single guests have to awkwardly try and attach themselves to a group.

Would you give this person a plus one if they were in a relationship? If so, why do you think that romantic relationships are worth £90 but a friendship (potentially a more long-term relationship than many of the couples invited!) isn't?

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 19/02/2022 08:55

It's no different to them bringing a plus 1 which is perfectly normal. You'd pay for it if it was their partner this is no different. Don't be ridiculous.

Lulu1919 · 19/02/2022 09:05

Invites might not be plus one
I'd wait for invite...then go from there
Don't forget even adding a plus one to an evening do can be £30 plus ....

SaySomethingMan · 19/02/2022 09:13

How is it rude to “ask”? The person didn’t demand, they just asked. Say no if you can’t/won’t pay for them to have a +1. It’s not that big a deal tbh,

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