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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is rude

71 replies

ohahjustalittle · 18/02/2022 11:55

If a family member was getting married but had not put invites out yet, would it be rude to ask if you could take a friend all day if the bride and groom have never met them? (Person asking is obviously there all day as they are a close relative) I thinks it's rude as hell.

OP posts:

Cherrysoup · 18/02/2022 12:47

I think it’s rude to ask. I imagine it’s at least £100 extra for the organiser.

Luredbyapomegranate · 18/02/2022 12:47

It’s not rude if they don’t really know anyone else.

You are entitled to say no of course, but talking offence at the question is unreasonable. They are just advocating for themselves, and you can just say no, you don’t have the space.

Doggydoodah123 · 18/02/2022 12:50

DH's second cousin asked if she could bring some random woman from work to our wedding despite the fact that there were already plenty of her close family attending. We found it rude and we said no.

Arabellla · 18/02/2022 12:53

Seriously? A close relative asking if they can have a +1 that is a friend is rude?

You need to redefine rude in your head.

My brother wanted to me to invite his neighbours, who I barely know. I said no but didn't it was rude!

CakeIsMyFavouriteAndBest · 18/02/2022 12:53

Surely it depends on who they are and the reasons why.
My elderly step nan asked to bring one of her "real" grandchildren to our wedding. Obviously she knows me and my siblings but I wasn't going to refuse. Her younger granddaughter drove her to the church and reception and kept her company and even had her dancing in the evening. It took pressure off me and my siblings as then they could spend time with friends and other family.
It meant I knew she would have a good time.

perimenofertility · 18/02/2022 12:58

I don't think it's rude of them to ask. You can just say no if you don't want them to bring a friend.
If it was their partner instead of their friend, would it be different? A lot of people get a plus one invitation for them and a partner even if the married couple don't know the partner.
As someone who has attended so many weddings over the years, many of them as a single person, I would point out that weddings can be incredibly dull especially if you are attending as a single!

PolkaSpace · 18/02/2022 13:06

@Cherrysoup

I think it’s rude to ask. I imagine it’s at least £100 extra for the organiser.

If they ask and say I understand if it's not possible or offer to pay for their place I don't see what the problem is

Doggydoodah123 · 18/02/2022 13:34

@Arabellla

Seriously? A close relative asking if they can have a +1 that is a friend is rude?

You need to redefine rude in your head.

My brother wanted to me to invite his neighbours, who I barely know. I said no but didn't it was rude!

I think it is rude to expect someone to pay out for a complete stranger to attend their wedding. Even if they had offered to pay I still wouldn't want a random person at my wedding.

YouMuckyDuck · 18/02/2022 13:38

You either accept or decline an invitation. You should never ask for an extra invite for a formal occasion

Arabellla · 18/02/2022 13:38

I think it is rude to expect someone to pay out for a complete stranger to attend their wedding. Even if they had offered to pay I still wouldn't want a random person at my wedding.

Ruder to expect someone to attend all their day with no companion.

I would understand if it was a new boyfriend or girlfriend, but a friend is different.

Bellyups · 18/02/2022 13:39

Yes, rude

Original poster

ohahjustalittle · 18/02/2022 15:02

They know lots of other people at the wedding very well.

OP posts:

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 18/02/2022 15:34

Not sure where the wedding is taking place but can I come too? I fancy a day out with free food and drink.

Of course, I won't know any of the other people but after a few drinks I treat everybody like an old friend anyway - so I'm told.

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 18/02/2022 15:44

Yeah I guess so but all depends on a million different circumstances

twilightcustard · 18/02/2022 16:02

not rude at all, far ruder to invite someone without a plus one.

WouldIwasShookspeared · 18/02/2022 16:04

I'd ask if they are planning on inviting guests to bring a plus one.
That's really not a rude question.

FairyCakeWings · 18/02/2022 16:11

I think it’s rude to ask, but acceptable if it’s someone very close that at least one half of the couple would usually be open and honest with.

We invited friends and family in this position to bring a plus one so that they could share the cost of travelling and accommodation. It did mean that there were a few people at our wedding that we’d never met, but they were all such lovely guests who were happy to be there and enter into the spirit and they made people we love have a better day so it was a pleasure to have them.

NotMyGenderGoblin · 18/02/2022 16:15

@CorrBlimeyGG

Are other people allowed to bring partners?

Weddings can be incredibly dull if you're on your own.

Not sure those last five words were entirely necessary!

appleturnovers · 18/02/2022 16:19

I don't think it's rude to ask. Some B&Gs would say yes to the request and some would say no; I don't think it's reasonable to expect people to try and guess the answer to a question before asking it, iyswim...

Rude would be if they asked, B&G said no, and then they kicked up a fuss or kept pleading, or turned up with the friend anyway. But I don't think it's rude to ask.

PrincessConsuelaBananahamm0ck · 18/02/2022 16:25

It's rude. Happened at our wedding. Very close relative got dumped by boyfriend a few months before the wedding. She assumed this meant she could bring a random friend as her plus one instead. We'd never met this person so we said no! Caused a bit of upset, but we stood firm....half the family at the wedding were all her own family, so she knew loads of people there.

SartresSoul · 18/02/2022 16:44

Odd one because generally invitations come with a +1 and it’s up to the guest to decide who that is. It may well be a relatively new partner you haven’t yet met, I can’t see why this would be an issue and is perfectly normal.

HuffyPuffyStuffy · 18/02/2022 16:57

I would think it very rude if they had received an invite without a plus one and then asked. I don't think asking if they are going to be given a +1 is rude.........they are only asking a question, not demanding one.
Not rude to ask, not rude to say no.

burnoutbabe · 18/02/2022 18:09

Also it could be an old friend invited you to their wedding. They don't know that actually you are now living with partner (or even married) so don't invite them for that reason.

But would be happy to invite if they know about them?
(Not so relevant to the op as they know she isn't in a relationship (though maybe she is with this friend?)

autienotnaughty · 18/02/2022 19:17

Yeah my sister wanted to bring a friend I said no as we were really tight on numbers and she knew everyone attending. I said yes to coming to evening do instead.

Cotswoldmama · 18/02/2022 19:29

Any guests I invited who were single had an invite +1 so I don't think it's that rude to ask. I think if I were them I would have waited for an invite and if there was no plus one I'd ask then.

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