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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother in law p*^%#ng me off

71 replies

Supernoodle67 · 17/02/2022 17:45

Am I in the wrong for biting back on a Facebook post. It’s my ds first birthday in a few days my mil decided without being invited to bring herself and my dh older daughter with another woman to stay with us for 9 days. She has made it very clear it’s so sd can see her dad as she thinks she is left out. Just posted on face book she is bringing granddaughter to see her dad, no mention of her grandson or the fact it’s his birthday. Really peed me off she only cares about the granddaughter and not her grandson. Feels like she is overshadowing his birthday on purpose.

OP posts:
newbiename · 17/02/2022 17:46

Does he see his daughter enough ?

WouldIwasShookspeared · 17/02/2022 17:47

When you say bite back, do you mean you replied to the post? What did you say?

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 17/02/2022 17:48

Ywbvu to play it out on Facebook.

Why wasn't his dd invited anyway? Why has she taken another woman too?

Pyri · 17/02/2022 17:49

Absolutely nothing can come of commenting on her FB post

Does her dad see her enough?

Arabellla · 17/02/2022 17:50

YANBU, how old is DSD? Get DH to tell them only DSD can stay.

MrsTimRiggins · 17/02/2022 17:52

Embarrassing and unreasonable if you did indeed engage on Facebook with her, don’t lower yourself.
Does SD see her dad enough really?
I honestly don’t see how this is overshadowing your son at all.

namechange30455 · 17/02/2022 17:55

How often does he see his DD?

newbiename · 17/02/2022 17:56

@ABCeasyasdohrayme

Ywbvu to play it out on Facebook.

Why wasn't his dd invited anyway? Why has she taken another woman too?

She means his daughter by another woman. I had to read it twice.
MadMadMadamMim · 17/02/2022 17:57

Firstly, your DS will not know it's his first birthday and it's not a big deal. Secondly, massively unreasonable if you made a rude comment on FB.

Thirdly - if you didn't want MIL, DSD arriving to stay for 9 days then you should have spoken privately to her and said, unfortunately that's not convenient or possible at the moment. I'm assuming your DP said it was ok, however?

Sceptre86 · 17/02/2022 17:58

Is there a reason your sd wouldn't be welcome at her baby brother's birthday? Why is it overshadowing his birthday? She might not have mentioned his birthday because its still early? If you've got an issue with her pick up the phone and speak to her over better yet go and see her. If you do it over Facebook you'll just be displaying the drama for all to see.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 17/02/2022 17:58

Thanks @newbiename that makes more sense. I was wondering who the other random woman staying was Grin

Weird was to describe your DSD there op. Very telling I think.

arethereanyleftatall · 17/02/2022 18:01

Why wouldn't his stepsister be at his birthday anyway?

Reading between the lines on your op, there is a possibility that the mil is completely in the right...

Isntisironic1 · 17/02/2022 18:03

I think we need a clearer picture of the current set up anc who the other woman is

gamerchick · 17/02/2022 18:04

I'm sensing a back story here

SaySomethingMan · 17/02/2022 18:04

Yabvu

Dillydollydingdong · 17/02/2022 18:06

YANBU to be unhappy at getting uninvited guests for nine days. It's rude and entitled of your MIL just to expect to turn up and get bed and board for an extended stay. Won't your dh be out at work anyway? Or has he been talking to his mother and agreed this without your knowledge?

Alfixn · 17/02/2022 18:06

Wow, so your baby's actual sister isn't welcome to stay or come to his birthday party? Hmmm.

I think YABU for that.

And YADefinitelyBU to make, or fuel, the drama on Facebook...

MrsTrumpton · 17/02/2022 18:06

How often does your DSD come to stay with you? Your MIL may have overstepped the mark inviting herself, but is her concern that your DSD is being left out valid? Do you resent the child?

PinkArt · 17/02/2022 18:07

You MIL has decided where the older daughter is for 9 days? Not either of her parents? Is this the mum's choice, does she know what the MIL has planned? Does your OH not usually see his daughter without someone else facilitating? The birthday element of this is the least strange part.

WabbitsAndWeasels · 17/02/2022 18:07

Let's get it out of the way by saying that of course MIL shouldn't be inviting herself for 9 days. You are not wrong to be angry about that however Facebook is not the place to communicate this and it should probably be your DP who deals with this.

It does however come across that you don't want the SD around, he had her before you came on the scene presumably and you were fully informed he had a child with another woman. It does sound like you're irritated that your child isn't the only child in the immediate family and therefore the center of attention. Now I could be reading into this and it could just be poor wording on your part but I've definitely seen bitterness by some step parents towards step children on here (although the majority are absolutely fine ime).

godmum56 · 17/02/2022 18:08

If she has invited herself then uninvite her.

Chickychoccyegg · 17/02/2022 18:11

Think you might have deliberately left out quite a lot of details here op 😉
Of course dsd should be able to come for 9 days to visit her dad and brother.
Don't know about mil though, whys she staying so long?

Shitfuckcommaetc · 17/02/2022 18:14

So she's coming for half term?

AndAsIfByMagic · 17/02/2022 18:17

I can't believe the number of people here who seem to think it's fine for this woman to invite herself for 9 days. 9 days. Not a weekend. 9 days.

That is really very rude and not at all OK.

HeadToToesNo · 17/02/2022 18:18

I'm embarrassed for you.

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