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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother in law p*^%#ng me off

71 replies

Supernoodle67 · 17/02/2022 17:45

Am I in the wrong for biting back on a Facebook post. It’s my ds first birthday in a few days my mil decided without being invited to bring herself and my dh older daughter with another woman to stay with us for 9 days. She has made it very clear it’s so sd can see her dad as she thinks she is left out. Just posted on face book she is bringing granddaughter to see her dad, no mention of her grandson or the fact it’s his birthday. Really peed me off she only cares about the granddaughter and not her grandson. Feels like she is overshadowing his birthday on purpose.

OP posts:
HomeHomeInTheRange · 17/02/2022 18:19

Why can’t your baby’s grandmother (your MIL) be at your baby’s birthday? Surely that is why she is coming?

Why can’t your baby’s step sister be at the birthday? Why hasn’t your DH arranged for that to happen?

Surely all this is in honour of the birthday rather than overshadowing it?

Though many of us would be a bit daunted but MIL / any guest staying 9 days.

Anyway do not do any biting , sniping or arguing on Facebook unless you want to look unclassy.

stuntbubbles · 17/02/2022 18:22

Feels like she is overshadowing his birthday on purpose.
How much can a Facebook post “overshadow” anything?

I wouldn’t want a 9-day visit from my MIL but her posting about such a thing on a creaky social media site wouldn’t impact on a birthday party at all. Save your ire for things that matter.

newbiename · 17/02/2022 18:23

@ABCeasyasdohrayme

Thanks *@newbiename* that makes more sense. I was wondering who the other random woman staying was Grin

Weird was to describe your DSD there op. Very telling I think.

Exactly.
AllOfUsAreDead · 17/02/2022 18:26

Is the other woman the SDs mother? So your husbands ex?

Doesn't sound like they are having a party so to speak for the sons birthday, I mean he is only 1 why would you anyway? He doesn't know.

Very rude of her to invite herself and two other people to stay for 9 days too, and bad that she isn't acknowledging her grandsons birthday.

But why does she clearly not like you? Assuming that you weren't having an affair with your husband before you officially got together? Why does she think your husband doesn't see his daughter enough, how often does he see her?

Arabellla · 17/02/2022 18:27

@HomeHomeInTheRange

Why can’t your baby’s grandmother (your MIL) be at your baby’s birthday? Surely that is why she is coming?

Why can’t your baby’s step sister be at the birthday? Why hasn’t your DH arranged for that to happen?

Surely all this is in honour of the birthday rather than overshadowing it?

Though many of us would be a bit daunted but MIL / any guest staying 9 days.

Anyway do not do any biting , sniping or arguing on Facebook unless you want to look unclassy.

The OP hasn't said she doesn't want MIL or DSD at the BIRTHDAY.

Attending a party and staying uninvited for 9 days are very different things.

Arabellla · 17/02/2022 18:28

(For MIL that is, not the DSD)

StoneofDestiny · 17/02/2022 18:31

How can anybody stay uninvited for 9 days if the home owners don't want them there?

WonderfulYou · 17/02/2022 18:31

mil decided without being invited to bring herself and my dh older daughter with another woman to stay with us for 9 days.

She is being very unreasonable and rude to invite herself and others for so long!
Why have you allowed it?

I couldn’t get worked up over the FB thing though.

newbiename · 17/02/2022 18:31

The girl is the baby's HALF sister not step sister. Bit much for MIL to invite herself for 9 days but no reason for your partner's daughter not to be there.

Arabellla · 17/02/2022 18:34

@StoneofDestiny

How can anybody stay uninvited for 9 days if the home owners don't want them there?
Turn up invited then and expect to be accommodated Hmm

Jeez this place.

MrsBaublesDylan · 17/02/2022 18:36

Have you been on the sauce op?

MiL is bringing a woman, herself and her gd to stay with you for 9 days, uninvited?

Do you live in Oz and she is making a holiday of it?

This makes absolutely no sense to me.

newbiename · 17/02/2022 18:41

@MrsBaublesDylan

Have you been on the sauce op?

MiL is bringing a woman, herself and her gd to stay with you for 9 days, uninvited?

Do you live in Oz and she is making a holiday of it?

This makes absolutely no sense to me.

She's not bringing a woman. The 'another woman' is the SD's mother. Badly worded.
BuritoCat · 17/02/2022 18:43

Why wasn't the step daughter invited to her brothers birthday anyway? Hmm

WonderfulYou · 17/02/2022 18:44

Is this a MIL issue or is it that your DH invited them all for 9 days but you’re blaming MIL.

Cherrysoup · 17/02/2022 18:50

Has she not asked if she can come? Who is the other woman? How often does he see his dd?

Out of principle, I would tell her she and the other woman can’t stay (but obviously dd can).

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/02/2022 18:53

Why did you accept an uninvited visitor? That’s mad. It’s your house, you’re allowed to say no.

FluffyBooBoo · 17/02/2022 18:56

Is your step daughter being left out? From the way you have posted, it wouldn't surprise me.

What does your husband think about it?

Gizacluethen · 17/02/2022 19:04

Lots of things to unpack.

  1. I don't think she's overshadowing your sons birthday. It will be nice for him to see his sister on his birthday.
  2. Does he see his daughter enough?
  1. No one would inviting themselves to stay in my house for 9 days. She needs to get a hotel.
sweeneytoddsrazor · 17/02/2022 19:06

How far away do they live?

DogsAndGin · 17/02/2022 19:24

Yanbu! People can’t invite themselves round for NINE days, uninvited! Bonkers behaviour

CandyLeBonBon · 17/02/2022 19:26

I suspect there's a lot more to this than meets the eye!

Jux · 17/02/2022 19:27

"Lovely. We'll be celebrating her brother's birthday too. At the moment he's really into X so a little something along those lines would go down well with all of us. Would you be coming to his party? It's at the house and there'll be 5000 children running about - might be a bit too noisy for you but feel free to leave gd here while you go and do something quieter, you know there are X and Y which you've always wanted to go round".

LilacPaisley · 17/02/2022 19:29

MiL is bringing a woman, herself and her gd to stay with you for 9 days, uninvited?

No, she's bringing the daughter he had with another woman. He had the daughter with a previous partner. MIL is not bringing the other woman. Just the daughter her dh had with another woman who is not op

LilacPaisley · 17/02/2022 19:32

And OP is irritated because she thinks it will take attention away from her one year old.

SockFluffInTheBath · 17/02/2022 19:33

Inviting herself to stay for 9 days is out of order at any time. A first birthday is about the adults though, the baby would be oblivious. Does DH see DSD enough? Was she invited to her half-sisters birthday anyway?

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