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Original poster

If DNA tests at birth were the norm...

74 replies

Ironytheoppositeofwrinkly · 17/02/2022 17:32

Saw a lively Facebook discussion about the ethics of this earlier, but it got me thinking. Do you personally know of any families that would be/would have been torn apart if this was just the done thing when a baby was born?

OP posts:
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 17/02/2022 17:34

Most of the royals…

Duxiejhrhrvjz · 17/02/2022 17:38

I found out my child’s dad wasn’t the idiot I thought was, (thankfully he never had anything to do with said child). Father was in fact a really lovely man that is in my child’s life now.
Unfortunately I didn’t find out until they were 12 and I’m so sad for all the years they missed together. I genuinely did not realise my mistake.
I really wish DNA tests were done at birth. Although neither man would have been tested in my situation as not at the birth of on birth certificate so I doubt that would have changed things for us.

Blossomtoes · 17/02/2022 17:40

Why bother? Most babies look exactly like their dads when they’re born.

WouldIwasShookspeared · 17/02/2022 17:42

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

Most of the royals…
Was going to say exactly this
RevolvingPivot · 17/02/2022 17:42

My youngest looks like her dad. My oldest looks nothing like any of us. Even the hair colour.

shouldistop · 17/02/2022 17:42

@Blossomtoes

Why bother? Most babies look exactly like their dads when they’re born.
I thought that too but ds1 was the absolute spit of me when he was born. Ds2 was a bit more like dh.
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 17/02/2022 17:43

In a family I know... maybe the father finding out he had a child when they were born not three years old via a CSA demand might have made him a better father. But probably not.

Girlmumdogmumboymum · 17/02/2022 17:50

Yeah maybe this could be a good idea. A lot of fathers wouldn't throw around that they weren't sure of their child's parentage to shirk their responsibilities.

If it was done routinely at birth, my husbands cousin would probably not be almost 32 not knowing his dad isn't actually his dad.

grey12 · 17/02/2022 17:53

My mum said it was a great thing I looked just like my dad because, according to her, a lot of men can feel disconnected from the baby 🤷🏻‍♀️ my babies all looked a lot like DH

Blossomtoes · 17/02/2022 17:55

If it was done routinely at birth, my husbands cousin would probably not be almost 32 not knowing his dad isn't actually his dad

But he is. A dad’s the person who brings you up and loves you. He’s probably better off not knowing there was a sperm donor.

WouldIwasShookspeared · 17/02/2022 17:55

If we were going to go down this road I'd want reforms to the system that meant men could not avoid paying for their children and debt would be chased until paid or the man died with not a penny to his name.

Accidentgirlfriend · 17/02/2022 17:59

A family member of mine . Her baby was born extremely early and was in special care . He’s about 8 now and I feel so bad for her dp and his family who idolise the kid . Her dps family have him every weekend and take him on holidays etc . I don’t know how no one questions the fact he looks nothing at all like any of them . The child is the absolute spit of the bloke I know the family member was cheating with . I have the affair partners brothers gf on Facebook and she puts up photos of her dp and it’s quite clear this child is related to him . This child looks like this woman’s bloke more than their own child does lol .

I no longer have anything to do with family member due to her lies and toxicity. I am glad I don’t have to see her dp knowing what I know , it’s so unfair . Especially as he was so proud of finally being a Dad . He took on her other 2 kids and this child is the only bio “grandchild” I think it would destroy him and his family …. some people have no heart .

riodgh · 17/02/2022 17:59

NC for this as could be outing.

My own extended family would be torn apart if DNA tests were the done thing. My aunt had a child with her sisters husband. It's a family secret which everyone knows but my cousin doesn't. She is in her 30s and has always wondered why her 'dad' has rejected her. The man she believes is her dad asked for a DNA test which my aunt refused. The terrible thing is her uncle (her aunts husband) is in fact her dad and some of her cousins are in fact her siblings. I don't see them anymore as I can't look her in the face and keep the secret (at one point we used to be close). I feel awful but I don't want to be the one to literally tear the whole family and her world apart.

formalineadeline · 17/02/2022 17:59

Who would be paying for this to happen routinely at birth? And what would the public health objective be?

Heshcher · 17/02/2022 18:00

I think it could damage a lot of families to try to do it retrospectively, but I suspect this will become normal in the future. As birth certificates are changed to reflect the various unconventional routes to parenthood more and more people are taking, recording the genetic parentage of an individual makes sense.

peboh · 17/02/2022 18:00

Personally, that I know of, none of the families I know would have any issues if this was the case. However let's be honest, none of us really know what's gone of behind closed doors.. so could be surprised.

Sleepyblueocean · 17/02/2022 18:04

I think the NHS has better things to spend money on.

godmum56 · 17/02/2022 18:05

you'd need something to match it with for it to be any use. Personally I think its a dreadful idea. If people want DNA tests they can be done but why put an unneeded extra cost on the NHS.....and as soon as yhou make it chargeable you also make it by choice.

godmum56 · 17/02/2022 18:05

@formalineadeline

Who would be paying for this to happen routinely at birth? And what would the public health objective be?
this
Horst · 17/02/2022 18:08

As long as it financially ties them in for paying child support might as well fix up the whole system.

Self employed so cms can’t touch you that’s fine, a lean on your house, taken from your estate etc

Sleepyblueocean · 17/02/2022 18:09

"you'd need something to match it with for it to be any use."

It would only work if everyone's DNA was tested and some probably many people would refuse.

Namechangedforanonimity · 17/02/2022 18:13

If it was to come about now mine would be.

I was raped, found out 2 weeks later I was pregnant. There was a guy who was interested in me so I had sex with him to decieve him into thinking he was the dad.

Not for financial reasons, just because I couldn't bring myself to have an abortion and I didn't want my child to know anything about their conception.

We weren't together and I moved shortly after

Long story short, he moved too to be near dc. They adore each other and he's an involved father.

Now dc is 8 and I absolutely know one day with ancestry and all that stuff this is going to come out and destroy my dc and me and him.

If I had been thinking clearly I would never have done this and regret it every single day, I left it too long and can't see a way out now at all.

KupoNutCoffee · 17/02/2022 18:15

Not really aware of anyone this would affect if this was real life. And if it was standard practice...I don't think the biggest implication would be around torn-apart families and the discovering of cheating partners . It's not something I go looking for stats for, but I imagine many instances of revealing cheating and doubts of parentage come about before the babies even arrived.

In cases where there's no cheating, but the father remains unknown, I suppose it might be some relief to find out who it and be able to pursue them for support.

The biggest implications might be on those who know exactly who the Dad is, but don't want it known, or as @Girlmumdogmumboymum
mentions, nipping the "ah but I might not be the dad Hmm " shirkers in the bud.

And of course getting into the realms of overthinking...would there be a dna database of the country's men, or would you just have to offer up samples of potential candidates? If you knew it was the milkman, but didn't give his sample would the father just be "unknown" or would they just have your partner down as "acting dad" (assuming he stuck around after the shocking reveal).

Also...would anyone else be inexplicably worried about "failing" the test despite being 100% sure you haven't slept with anyone else...

Original poster
Ironytheoppositeofwrinkly · 17/02/2022 18:17

@riodgh

NC for this as could be outing.

My own extended family would be torn apart if DNA tests were the done thing. My aunt had a child with her sisters husband. It's a family secret which everyone knows but my cousin doesn't. She is in her 30s and has always wondered why her 'dad' has rejected her. The man she believes is her dad asked for a DNA test which my aunt refused. The terrible thing is her uncle (her aunts husband) is in fact her dad and some of her cousins are in fact her siblings. I don't see them anymore as I can't look her in the face and keep the secret (at one point we used to be close). I feel awful but I don't want to be the one to literally tear the whole family and her world apart.

That's awful, that something so fundamental as who your parent is could be kept from you!
OP posts:
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