Getting married, keeping our last names, discussing last names for kids.
I’m perfectly happy for the kids to double barrel our last names. The names are both short and work well together. However, if they only get one last name, it’s going to be mine, as I’m doing all the heavy lifting. The idea of carrying and giving birth to a child and then giving them someone else’s last name doesn’t appeal to me in the slightest.
He doesn’t want to double barrel (he’s English, I’m not, and it would appear that a lot of English people have hang ups about double barrelling?), but would be sad if any future kids don’t have his name. I’m of the opinion that I’d be sad if they didn’t have my name, I’ve offered a sensible solution (double barrelling) and if he refuses that then he’s creating his own sadness.
He’s an otherwise reasonable feminist man. We had this conversation, in abstract, when we first started dating. And he was totally in agreement with me, at the time. Now that things are getting ‘real’, as it were, he’s rather less happy.
YABU: kids should have his name because…please give me your reasons.
YANBU: his name isn’t more important than yours. Double barrel or go with your name.