Moved away from Cornwall and so depressed

[YouLookLikeVivieneLeigh]

I had wanted always to live in Cornwall, after spending so much time there. Finally I had the opportunity to, after many years.
I lived in what I considered to be among the most beautiful and scenic part of Cornwall.
Every day I kept thinking 'This is too good to be true'. I also worried that something would go wrong and it would all end. The old saying about 'if something is too good to be true, it usually is'
I had previous to living in Cornwall, a very deeply troubled and unhappy past, in a grim part of this country.
Moving to Cornwall was a new start, a new me, and it was blissful. I felt like I could be happy and that my life did not have to be so dreadful constantly. Every day, in all types of weather, it was so beautiful. Never in my life had I been so contented. It was a first.
Fast forward, and my tenancy came to an end due to the Landlord wanting to sell up. He was very good with me and gave me plenty of time.
I could not find anywhere to rent that was affordable, and what was affordable were places that were even worse than what I had left behind!

My wages would barely touch some of the huge rents and that was before bills.
The local Council could not help as I was from another area, and I understood that. There are enough people born and living in Cornwall who cannot get accommodation.
There was nothing else to do but return back to where I had left, back to the miserable area, and move in with an ex.
I have no one, no friends or family, but that does not bother me and never has. I am better without others in my life, due to the past.
Every morning, I wake up crying. I barely sleep and eat. I am on anti depressants but have been on those for a long time.
I shake constantly. I am on a downwards spiral, and as someone who has a lifetime of mental health illness since being a child, I know when I am getting worse.
It is dreadful having to leave Cornwall when on holiday, but imagine living there for a long time and then having to return to a dismal built up area with constant noise and traffic fumes, where the only view is cars and run down terraced houses. Where the only scent is one of car fumes and chips? Where the neighbours scream and shout?
I lived looking out over the sea, surrounded by countryside, and animals. The air smelt of sea breeze and fresh green grass, and nature.
The only noise was that of the sea and animals.
Today I felt like I have no chance of ever returning, and if this is all there is for me now, at 58 years old, then I am not continuing much longer.
All I want, and please be kind, are some helpful suggestions, because I cannot think of anything anymore of how I can return to this place where I was so happy.
Has anyone else been through anything similar?
Am I being unreasonable in how I am feeling?
Thank you for reading my depressing post.

I just wanted to say I can understand the draw of Cornwall too - and the wrench when you leave. We've been every year for 12 years and this year dh wanted to try somewhere different. But when it came down to booking it we couldn't do it - we're off to the same place again! We holiday in other places too but I have to have my Kernow fix!
It has a magnetic pull I think - i really miss it when we leave. I can see us living there in the future for sure.
There are some great suggestions here though - don't give up OP!

It sounds as if you need to move back to Cornwall. Can you find something that's a bit inland maybe, not in a holiday place?

I haven’t read the full thread but what was it about Cornwall? Is it the sea? If so would you consider a seaside area a bit further north?

Hi OP I'd be gutted if I had to leave where I live now so you do have my sympathies.

I don't want to derail your thread just wanted to say I'm happy MN is being nice. The attitude us normally that people who move to Cornwall and other second holiday spots are evil for exacerbating the local housing crisis and pricing out natives. Which translates as: stay where you are from, even if that's a dump that's your lot in life!

There may be agencies/charities in Cornwall for the elderly who do not manage completely on their own. They have someone with a regular job who give them so many hours help a week help and live in their house and have their own bedroom.
Have you tried putting notes in Post Offices, DIY shops etc asking about renting a room through the year?

I know it's 2 years away but a lot of places offer discounted rent for the over 60's you could look into that option for the future.

Hope you can find some peace it sounds really tough for you at the moment.

There aren't just two.places in the country, Cornwall and where you're from! What about a coastal area not too far away? Plenty of lovely coast all around the country. Look anywhere and everywhere. You deserve a nicer life but it doesn't have to be in expensive and highly sought after Cornwall.

I understand the lure of the Cornish coast & countryside, it has a phenomenal allure. But as other posters have mentioned there are many other places in the UK that offer a more peaceful & settled environment that where you are now.

But as we know even in the most magical parts of Cornwall, there are significant economic problems in housing & sustainable work for local people, so looking further afield may take you to places with more affordable housing.

Could you be a lodger?
With or without helping out with some odd jobs/housekeeping/bit of caring involved.
Cornwall has many elderly as I am sure you are aware.

And if you loved the area you were in, start with that one.

OP, kindly, if you gave a bit more info you’d get more from this thread.

Do you work, can you work? If so what kind of experience do you have? It’s all great suggesting you nanny/work in a pub, but if you’re an internet-based spoon-juggler that’s going to give you different options than if you have health difficulties and can’t work at all.

What is your budget?

Are there places in the uk you need to be near for family etc?

What is it about Cornwall, and could that something feasibly be replicated in Pembrokeshire, Northumberland, Norfolk, the Scottish coast?

I am, contra others, not a fan of the “visualise, plan and it’ll happen” school. You’re a (unemployed?) 58 year old hingeing your mental health on a move to one of the most expensive bits of the country. I think a pragmatic approach to understanding what is behind this and how to navigate it are in order.

Firstly don’t spend another second depressed - that’s wasted. Plan this.

Options live in work, live in care work, lodger, speak to local charities, age U.K. based in Cornwall etc

Pack a bag and go after 12 years of living there surely you are a local resident and part of the community for housing -going back makes it sound like you need to be deported (!)

Find a live in job in Cornwall, housekeeper, hospitality, nanny.
Move to a cheaper seaside.
Move off grid. Move to a nicer crap-town.
Find a house share in Cornwall.

I don't understand why you are so extremist, or is that part of your depression? What job did you do and why did you just leave your job when your accommodation became too much. Surely you could have found something temporary, even if it was grotty to allow you to stay nearby.

You say you know about mental health system, but your AD's clearly aren't working for you.

Cornwall housing prices are below the average for England and Wales. I know that's a bit meaningless, but it does very much depend on where you live. Rock, St Mawes, St Ives, or anywhere on the sea front? Stupidly pricey. Camborne, Bodmin, Delabole or further inland? Much, much cheaper. You pay for pretty.

Lots of good suggestions on this thread and I hope throwing yourself in to the plan to get back will help you out of your spiral. Also plan for the future if a similar situation arises. As a pp said it was extreme to move back as you did, surely a gritty place in cone wall temporarily while presumably keeping your job would have done until you can find something better. After some time living there you would class as 'from there' and you'd get council help in future. I think some sort of live on position would be ideal for you atm, perhaps one that doesn't expect too many hours so you can still work outside of the house too as I feel the long hours that come with some hospitality roles wouldn't be ideal for you - correct me if I'm wrong. All things for you to consider just now as per of your plan

It's worth considering how much Cornwall itself is important, vs another nice place that has more housing options. As if you do get back to Cornwall you may have the stress of unstable housing, being dependent on a landlord not selling up/ a live in job which may bring it's own stresses.

It may be that you feel the benefits of Cornwall itself outweigh that stress, but I'd recommend exploring other areas first which could offer beautiful surroundings, open space, community with more housing options for you. That could overall help your mood and wellbeing more than living in Cornwall itself but with worry around housing.

I'd think about what it is you liked about Cornwall. The coast? Open space? Community? Pretty villages?

I'm going against the grain and would suggest seeing your GP as a matter of urgency. Lots of people have to move somewhere that is not where they'd love to live and they have to look for alternative housing. Once you have your head straight maybe you can start looking at what benefits you are entitled to / an alternative coastline. Best of luck.

The Lincolnshire coast is very quiet and lovely. But quite remote so alot cheaper x

I’m afraid I haven’t read the whole thread, and don’t know your work history, but would a live-in post as a housekeeper or companion fit the bill? ‘The Lady’ magazine usually has small ads for such posts, some of which might be Cornwall/The West Country?

Thank you for the helpful messages.
As for the not so helpful, I laughed....' When did I last have a chat with my GP?' ha....Where I live, no one chats or sees their GP anymore. We have to arrange a triage call with a Nurse, usually 3 weeks in advance, who then decides whether you are important enough to see a GP.
To the poster who said ' forget your depression' ha....I have lived with Depression since I was 14. I am now mid 50's.
I am on medication that gets changed every few years.
I have been suicidal and where I live it is...Go home and the Crisis Team will call. They don't.
This is not a 'celeb depression' that I suffer with. It is a very real life changing living day to day depression. Will I be alive tomorrow? Who knows...only my depression does.

Since I last posted, I have been very unwell with anxiety and lately depression.
I got asked why do I live with my Ex? The simple answer is...because there is no one else, no family or friends.
Do I hate it? Yes. The alternative is a crappy council flat with neighbours who are mostly drug addicts and alcoholics. Nice.
I have done everything and more to get back to where I was, but quite simply, I cannot afford it. Rents are hugely high.
I have applied for positions and I get nowhere.
Am I employed? I have worked for over 40 years. I am now taking time to move away on top of my mental heath issues.
Will I return to Cornwall? Probably not.
I am not always so black and white as someone mentioned. I just loved where I lived. I loved the area. I have travelled a lot and that place just felt like home to me. It was probably the most beautiful part of Cornwall. Not the crappy tourist areas, but a wild and remote area with sea on one side and countryside on the other. It was so quiet except for the sounds of the birds and animals.
So anyway I am now looking at rural Scotland, as it is a lot less expensive there.
Last week I did not care to be alive, but today I feel a little more optimistic.
Thank you genuinely to those who helped me, and to those who say forget about your depression, obviously you have not experienced true depression that has ruined your life for 40 years, medication or no medication. Try having NHS GP's who do not care, and living in an area where they are mostly all the same. Try having NHS psychiatric care. It is appalling, all that I have experienced.
I will not write any further, but once more Thank You to those that made helpful suggestions.

Just wanted to say I hope you are ok and have you talked to your gp about hrt as I just started after been years in peri meno and can feel a difference already. Do not give up your dreams as you never know what is around the corner and something might just change. Are there no live in jobs in b&b's or hotels in Cornwall for the summer as that is something to look for even if you could only spend summer's there and maybe while you are there be easier to get a little place to live there. Wishing you well and life is hard for so many at the moment, thanks for your update xx

@Nailsbythesea

Firstly don’t spend another second depressed - that’s wasted. Plan this.

Options live in work, live in care work, lodger, speak to local charities, age U.K. based in Cornwall etc

Pack a bag and go after 12 years of living there surely you are a local resident and part of the community for housing -going back makes it sound like you need to be deported (!)

Yes, after 40 years of the deepest darkest, sometimes almost life ending Depression, I will not spend another second depressed, because it is wasted. How right you are and how foolish am I for never thinking of that! After 12 years of living in Cornwall as you say, it certainly did not make me a true local resident. There are people whose families go far back there, who are not eligible for any if at all local housing! Rents are hugely high. That is why even the true locals cannot afford a place to live. Poverty is huge. Tourists I think don't see the poverty, but it is there in certain parts, just hidden away behind the multimillionaire second homes, and also holiday homes. Try spending a day in Camborne or parts of St.Austell .

Property in Cornwall went mad during Covid. Lots of l.t rentals are now used for Airbnb.
Few things I can think of. Live in job in Cornwall. Live in job in other seaside location. House share.
Cheaper coastal areas are Lincolnshire, maybe Wales.
Might seem mad but could you live in a caravan or motorhome?

In the short term please talk to your GP about your MH, you need to be well to get you back to where you want to be.