Moved away from Cornwall and so depressed

[YouLookLikeVivieneLeigh]

I had wanted always to live in Cornwall, after spending so much time there. Finally I had the opportunity to, after many years.
I lived in what I considered to be among the most beautiful and scenic part of Cornwall.
Every day I kept thinking 'This is too good to be true'. I also worried that something would go wrong and it would all end. The old saying about 'if something is too good to be true, it usually is'
I had previous to living in Cornwall, a very deeply troubled and unhappy past, in a grim part of this country.
Moving to Cornwall was a new start, a new me, and it was blissful. I felt like I could be happy and that my life did not have to be so dreadful constantly. Every day, in all types of weather, it was so beautiful. Never in my life had I been so contented. It was a first.
Fast forward, and my tenancy came to an end due to the Landlord wanting to sell up. He was very good with me and gave me plenty of time.
I could not find anywhere to rent that was affordable, and what was affordable were places that were even worse than what I had left behind!

My wages would barely touch some of the huge rents and that was before bills.
The local Council could not help as I was from another area, and I understood that. There are enough people born and living in Cornwall who cannot get accommodation.
There was nothing else to do but return back to where I had left, back to the miserable area, and move in with an ex.
I have no one, no friends or family, but that does not bother me and never has. I am better without others in my life, due to the past.
Every morning, I wake up crying. I barely sleep and eat. I am on anti depressants but have been on those for a long time.
I shake constantly. I am on a downwards spiral, and as someone who has a lifetime of mental health illness since being a child, I know when I am getting worse.
It is dreadful having to leave Cornwall when on holiday, but imagine living there for a long time and then having to return to a dismal built up area with constant noise and traffic fumes, where the only view is cars and run down terraced houses. Where the only scent is one of car fumes and chips? Where the neighbours scream and shout?
I lived looking out over the sea, surrounded by countryside, and animals. The air smelt of sea breeze and fresh green grass, and nature.
The only noise was that of the sea and animals.
Today I felt like I have no chance of ever returning, and if this is all there is for me now, at 58 years old, then I am not continuing much longer.
All I want, and please be kind, are some helpful suggestions, because I cannot think of anything anymore of how I can return to this place where I was so happy.
Has anyone else been through anything similar?
Am I being unreasonable in how I am feeling?
Thank you for reading my depressing post.

How about looking into somewhere else that's got seaside and countryside that is a lot cheaper. Even if you had a bed sit you would be happier I'm sure

I get you OP, and I'm sorry life has been so tough. It can feel very overwhelming to have what feels like an only chance of happiness taken away. I would say though- that there is never only one chance at happiness and keeping an open mind to other locations or opportunities for help with mental health is still worthwhile. Even if it feels like what you don't want to hear, it will at least occupy time in the searching and keep you focused and might spark change. It sounds like it would be important to have a reason to get out of bed in the morning and stay motivated to keep yourself afloat whilst things feel difficult.

I think people often don't realise what it's like to be alone in life with no support network or safety net, and how a sense of home and place is often so important when that's lacking and you have an ache to be anchored to something that offers that, even when you don't want people around you or don't feel able.

Would a house share in Cornwall not be an option? Live in employment or other areas are some other good suggestions to look into, as others have mentioned.

It may sound trite but do try and get outside where you are for now OP, use public transport and find an open space or a beach. Wherever you live I bet there's something you could visit to 'top up' wellbeing while you heal and work out future plans.

OP perhaps you could look at north wales. Where I live I have the sea one side and mountains on the other, waterfalls, forests, lakes stunning scenery it's really beautiful and unspoilt. Lots of non tourist areas. If I feel down I walk and I know what you mean with it helping your mental health.
You sound stuck in a rut, if you really want a change you need to do it, build up your motivation and maybe look at different areas around the UK that are affordable. I don't think Cornwall specifically is the answer for you. Wishing you well x

@Lunificent

Recently my friend in Cornwall sent me details of a live in position at a pub in a tiny village in the Cornish coast. They were apparently finding it hard to recruit staff as they are remote. Don’t know if it’s still available but looks like a good way not to have to pay rent.

That's a really good idea Also housekeeping jobs can be live in

Have a look at Trelay community. They have some opportunities coming up.

There’s more to the UK than Cornwall. I rent a 3-bed on the beach and my rent is less than £400/month. Nothing but sea views and wildlife.

Whereabouts is that @itscanardbruv? Sounds great!

Be careful about the idea of van life. The new police crime and evidence Bill going through Parliament will completely criminalise living in a vehicle unless you are paying to stay on q campsite every night. And many campsites do not want people who live in vans.

Op my hear goes out to you. I think the idea of live in work is a good one. Another thought is could you compromise a bit while you focus on increasing your income? Cornwall has q particular housing crisis.

Could you live somewhere nearer Cornwall than where you are now and focus on earning more and improving your mental health so step by step you get back there ?

Live in hotel work sounds good also

I completely understand it when your soul yearns for 'home'.
Just a suggestion, but how about a caravan - static or mobile?
Law of Attraction. Thinking positively and 'knowing' you are going to return to Cornwall will give you hope. Good luck dear x

Have you looked at house sitting or pet sitting? It's a bit transient but would at least give you some time in Cornwall. Or something live-in as others have suggested? My uncle lives in sheltered accommodation in Devon, and the company that manage his building seem to find it quite tough to find long-term live-in managers, who get their own flat in the complex.

Can you look for a job that has accommodation included or look at charitable communities? leeabbeydevon.org.uk/

I hope you are ok and totally get what you are saying. You felt like a different person there and left all the past and baggage behind. Now you feel low as the area and memories are just bringing you down. Some great advice on here and people have been so helpful and that is so lovely to see. Even if you could get a live in job down there for a while and be easier to save up. Rents have gone crazy everywhere and food and bills. Even a carer job for a few months live in and then when you are living there you will get to know people and could get a room in a house or a small flat. Don't give up hope or your dreams and believe me I do understand and sending you best wishes and hugs xx

I'm not sure why you've moved back to a place you hated, as you've no family or friends there. Time to look around .

You said in Cornwall that you didn't claim housing allowance and paid your rent yourself.

As most rentals were beyond your means , I feel sure you could be entitled to Housing Benefit. There are sites which tell you what benefits and help you can claim. A couple I know of are entitledto and Turn2us

If you put in a fictitious but sensible amount of rent as a guide, and all your income, they will work out whether you can claim anything.

@Anoooshka

What's your budget? Are you retired or are you working from home? Maybe we can suggest something for you. Have you looked at Wales? Lovely coastline and cheaper than Cornwall.

Literally nothing to rent here in Wales on the coast. We have a huge housing crisis due to second homes, holiday lets, and people moving here because the property used to be cheaper than Cornwall. I know several people who have been evicted recently for this reason. Everything that used to be rented to families or single people is now an Airbnb.

Oh god, I know this feeling. I also lived in a place I was happy, but then shit happened, and I had to return to live with family. Where I live now isn't even horrible, in many ways it's quite nice, but it's not for me, and it feels like I left my heart behind somewhere else. Sigh.

I don't really have any practical advice, but I hope you manage to move back to your happy place again, OP.

So sorry to hear this OP. I totally get where you’re coming from, I too have a spiritual home but can’t move there yet, I have a plan though and tell myself I will get there one day, you need to concentrate on the fact you will return,

Get plans in place. Look at every option, some great suggestions above. Give yourself a time frame to raise funds where you are to either buy a park home or save enough for topping up rent until retirement but know this will be for x number of years.

How good are you at visualisation? If good, create a little astral cottage that’s perfect where you can travel to every time you close your eyes.

Find nature near where you live, join a conservation project. Wrap your arms round a tree and breathe knowing the tree is grateful for your breath and you gladly receive its gift of oxygen back.

It’s easy to be weary of the lack of help for mental health /the nhs are woeful at dealing with anything not treatable by antidepressants and few people there actually understand mental health. Movement and breathwork are your friends.

You absolutely will be back in Cornwall because it sounds like that is where you are supposed to be.

Is moving back in with the ex where you were so unhappy a wise move?

Could you not move somewhere else for a few months or whatever while you continue to look at the options in Cornwall?

OP check this out -

It's so lovely and in a lovely rural area. A whole house for £800 per month - 2 bed - really sweet.

Here's the description and a satellite view google map showing where it is. I think you would need transport. but it's only 4 miles from the sea!

This is where it is goo.gl/maps/dSwJxqYSi1WK8aDT9

About the house www.thehouseshop.com/property-to-rent/launcells-bude-ex23-9lz/5519726

Ok, so it's clear that we need to try and get you back to Cornwall. One consideration could be live in accomodation linked to a job. I.e. overseeing a small holiday lodge site and living onsite. Could you also share a place with someone else? What's your past job/work experience? What part of Cornwall were you based in or wish to return to? Would you consider other coastal areas?

Yeah Op - if you can supply a bit of info we can help you look.

Can you give us a very rough clue as to your chosen region/ area and budget?

Don't forget spareroom.com - a good way to be in situ without a massive commitment (plus a friendly housemate/house owner)

There is another route if you are over 55 - social housing for older people (don't be insulted )- look into it - some gorgeous places down there purpose built, and you are in housing need! You could get a lovely flat while you orient yourself there, for example:

housingcare.org/housing-care/facility-info-87212-tresillian-house-falmouth-england

Also, it might take you a few weeks to get back there, so you need to have a strategy to help you survive day by day. Can you go swimming? Or to yoga? I sometimes do one on YouTube, although no substitute for a class (I'm talking a very relaxing easy class that requires a lot of lying on the mat doing relatively little). These two things are really helping me right now!

Try another coast. Norttbeat like Tynemouth / Whitley bay, other south coasts, Scottish coast land. Lots of lovely seaside towns in the UK if Cornwall is unaffordable.

There are a few sites that advertise jobs with accomodation provided. Could you be a live in carer or a nanny?

Also, how about house sitting? The YHA are also advertising for someone to live on site near the Eden project.

Looking into it further, if you did live in care work, you could use it as an opportunity to earn and save up money for a deposit on your own place and it would give you a chance to find your feet and look out for somewhere cheaper to rent.