That football training and playing will completely take over the week!

[Four4One]

I love my boys very much but FFS really? DH wants to play football for another 2 years until he hits 50. I get it, that's a huge achievement. DSS has just got into the first team, again huge achievement. Very proud of the both.
But my week now looks like this...
Monday - football until 9.
Tuesday - football until 8:30
Wednesday - maths tutor + free
Thursday - football until 8:30
Friday - football until 9 at the earliest depending on KO.
Saturday - free
Sunday - 4/5 hour window of time for football depending on KO.
This would be the pattern for 6/7 months for the season.
AIBU to ask for some give in this because it leaves little room for much else, let alone any other school commitments DSS will have.

I don't think a child (teenager) playing a sport 4 times a week is much at all. In fact, it's non negotiable ok my house, but 6 times per week. Neither is an adult playing a sport twice a week.

Your problem isn't the football, it's that you're doing everything, and you work a load of hours.

There's zero reason that you've given, unless I've missed it, that you should be the one making all the food and doing all the taxiing.

I'd leave loads of simple things for them to cook for themselves. Sachets of microwave rice, bagged salad, cold roast chicken, supermarket pizza, pasta, jarred sauces, jacket potatoes...stuff they can sort quickly after training

I would feel selfish if I was in bed when they got home with no thought given to if they'd be hungry. So I probably do more than I should.
You sound like the maker of your own misery to be honest.

They can make their own lunches. They can make dinner on the nights they Arent playing football as nether is out every night.

It’s only 1 kid!!

As others have said the issue isn’t the football it’s the rest of the stuff around it that needs the balance between you and dh

That’s quite a lot, before we married my DH used to play for 2 teams, Sat & Sun, trained twice a week and did 5 a side. It was too much and his knee gave up and so did football. When our 2 DS started playing, it wasn’t long before DH was managing one of their teams and then the other. I did all the paperwork and emails. Monday evening was spent on phone, Wednesday and Saturday was training and playing Sunday. I washed the kit for a few years as well, don’t know why now. Now my DH and DS go to football and this takes up a lot of hours each time. I do wonder what my life would have been like to have had a DD.

@Comedycook

I'd leave loads of simple things for them to cook for themselves. Sachets of microwave rice, bagged salad, cold roast chicken, supermarket pizza, pasta, jarred sauces, jacket potatoes...stuff they can sort quickly after training

You do realise one of them is an actual adult?

I have 8 ds's.
Last one is now playing 4 times a week..

@Comedycook

I'd leave loads of simple things for them to cook for themselves. Sachets of microwave rice, bagged salad, cold roast chicken, supermarket pizza, pasta, jarred sauces, jacket potatoes...stuff they can sort quickly after training

Christ, why?

Is the 48 year old man not capable of sorting all that out himself?

It's very lucky your dsc isn't a swimmer, or a gymnast or any of the sports that require about 10 times a week training to get anywhere.

What exactly are you complaining about? Are you having to give the lifts? As a PP said, surely it's great that your DSS has an active hobby? You don't have to martyr yourself with evening meals and packed lunches, surely you get plenty of time to yourself in the evenings when they are both out at football and you can relax......sounds ideal.

My DS played cricket, training and matches took ages but it was/is a great sport to be involved with and he has made so many friends at Uni and moving around the country through playing a team sport .... it's a great asset to be able to make friends and join activities and playing a team sport certainly helps build that confidence.

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

I have 8 ds's. Last one is now playing 4 times a week..

How do you do 8?!? I've always said 2 is all I could have managed this level of sports for, you are superwoman!

What everyone else has said - the problem isn't the football, it's the set-up you've fallen/been pushed into. And it sounds as though you feel your life is essentially about facilitating theirs. Which is rubbish.

The only person who is realistically going to be a catalyst for change in this set-up is you. It's working for them. To change it (and how easy it is to give advice on the internet!), you need to consciously step back from some of the grunt work. Plenty of people have to get themselves a simple meal when they come home tired from sport. They can too. If you want to carve out some time for your own training, think about how you can make it happen and then do it. If that means DH or DSS have to pick up a bit of slack somewhere along the line, or make their own lunch, that's OK.

I get where you are. I really do. I have three active teenagers and our week looks like this:
Mon: DD1 to work, DS1 to football 40 mins away, DD2 to judo
Tues: DH to football, DD1 to work, all kids afterschool sports clubs
Weds: DD1 to netball, DS1 to football training, DD2 to guides
Thurs: all kids afterschool sports matches, DD2 to dance
Fri: DS/DH to cricket
Sat: DS to football training, DD1 to netball matches
Sun: DS football matches (DH is ref).

As you can see, everyone else has fixed commitments and I have none. I'm working on that - I'd love to do a regular exercise class. As it is though, I absolutely prioritise my own exercise 5 times a week, and a quiet time where I read for half an hour 2 days a week. DH has always been ruthless about carving out his own exercise slot - he runs every day and finds his mental health worsens if he doesn't. But when I decided that I would do the same he was totally supportive of it - it just needed me to assert myself about it. I hope the same might be true for you.

So confused. Are “the boys” your husband and step son? And your husband takes your step son to all of his football commitments while you are at home cooking etc after work?

@TracyMosby @fairylightsandwaxmelts

The op said...

It leaves most of the grunt work dinners/lunches to me to do in the evening because the boys are 'too tired' to do it when they get home for training

I was just giving her suggestions of things they can prepare quickly themselves

You need to stop doing everything. A grown ass man is capable of making a quick meal on an evening.

Unless he lives with you full time, DSS's Mum needs to have more to do with football and not opt out because she doesn't want anything to do with football. Her and your DH have a child together.

An adult exercising a couple of times a week isn't a problem, nor is a teen doing several sport sessions.
The issue is you're up early, doing your training, working 60 hours a week and then opting to pick up the slack. Just say no.

The boys? Isn't one of them an adult man?

I’m not clear if that time table is for both combined (I.e. combination of both your DH and DSS’s commitments) or whether they both do the same.

However, I do think it is hard for there to be a “give” here in terms of your DSS- if your DSS does not go to the vast majority of training sessions and/or misses matches frequently then I don’t see how he can keep his place in the 1st team. So he can’t miss one or two sessions every week or every second match and still be in the team. So the “give” us actually “I don’t want you to be in the first team due to the time commitment”- and if that is what you really want then you need to be honest about it.

Perhaps the “give” here is that your DH does as much of the taking/fetching to training etc as is possible (if he doesn’t already) and that you aren’t left with the chores/meal preparation. So, they are free to train etc but they must also help with the chores and making meals (not sure how old your DSS is, so perhaps more his share of chores for him- homework allowing), regardless of them being “tired”.

[quote Comedycook]**@TracyMosby* @fairylightsandwaxmelts*

The op said...

It leaves most of the grunt work dinners/lunches to me to do in the evening because the boys are 'too tired' to do it when they get home for training

I was just giving her suggestions of things they can prepare quickly themselves[/quote]
Again, he is an adult. He can work out for himself what would need to prepare a quick and easy meal. Your solution just creates another job for op.

Sympathy. I find football all consuming. Ours seems to go on almost all year round, because as soon as the season finishes, there is tournaments etc. Dh is fab and takes ds, and cooks, but still. We had both ds1 and ds2 doing football at one stage, fortunately that only went on for a short time before ds took up another sport. Dh taking one and me taking the other, in opposite directions.

Ours is wednesday, saturday, sunday. Then could also be a tuesday or a thursday if he's asked to play for school team. Transporting around for most of the day, for a late kick off on a sunday is a killer. the constant washing of kit to make sure socks and shin pad holders are ready for next game, is a bind and the whole thing is mentally a killer.

Oh how I wish i'd had a dd. Who only went to ballet for a hour on a tuesday at 6pm. Think people underestimate what a huge commitment it is.

I guess the main point being that I'd like to spend more than one night in the week with DH.

Also, I have my own hobbies. I train 6 mornings a week. I'm exhausted - I hate how back loaded my evenings have become. I want to be in bed by 9, not fixing supper.

To be fair OP, you choose to train 6 days a week. That could change if you're exhausted. DH trains a couple of times a week. Nobody is forcing you to train 6 days a week.

6 days a week of training, 60 hours a week at work and then doing the bulk of the domestic responsibility is a tough load, but not all of it is essential and you've got plenty of options.

You don't have to train 6 days a week.
You don't have to pick up all the domestic load.
You don't have to fix supper for your DH and DSS later into the evening.
You can go to bed at 9pm if you want.

Surely another point is, do you feel that your husband appreciates all that you do for your DSS? If so, it is probably easier to do it with a lighter heart.

It sounds like you do a lot so I hope he does!

Hang on a sec, this isnt about football at all! Op's wants keep changing.
Now it's a night alone with Dh. So what's stopping you sitting him down and telling him that?

And secondly, you cant have it all ways. You then go on to say that you are exhausted. But training 6 mornings a week. WTF? You cant have it all. Sort that then. It sounds like football is not the issue at all here.

@Four4One

Also, I have my own hobbies. I train 6 mornings a week. I'm exhausted - I hate how back loaded my evenings have become. I want to be in bed by 9, not fixing supper.

Then go to bed at 9. It's not rocket science.