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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That football training and playing will completely take over the week!

90 replies

Four4One · 15/02/2022 21:06

I love my boys very much but FFS really? DH wants to play football for another 2 years until he hits 50. I get it, that's a huge achievement. DSS has just got into the first team, again huge achievement. Very proud of the both.
But my week now looks like this...
Monday - football until 9.
Tuesday - football until 8:30
Wednesday - maths tutor + free
Thursday - football until 8:30
Friday - football until 9 at the earliest depending on KO.
Saturday - free
Sunday - 4/5 hour window of time for football depending on KO.
This would be the pattern for 6/7 months for the season.
AIBU to ask for some give in this because it leaves little room for much else, let alone any other school commitments DSS will have.

OP posts:
MaggieMooh · 15/02/2022 21:56

So there’s 3 days a week when DSS plays and DH isn’t busy. Why isn’t he taking his own son to football on those 3 days? In fact I’d tell him he has to give up his own football in order to take his son on all 5 days, because I wouldn’t do it.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 15/02/2022 22:19

@Four4One

DH trains once and plays once M&F DSS trains the balance of the week and plays Sunday I can only train in the mornings.
So DH takes DSS and you stay home and put your feet up.
PugInTheHouse · 15/02/2022 22:29

Sounds pretty normal to me TBH. Mine now play cricket, that takes up way more time than when they played football but I love watching and supporting them so it's fine, weekend matches are up to 8 hrs each. I used to dance 4 week nights and all day Saturday all year round so my parents were in a similar position really.

2redcats · 15/02/2022 22:42

My 2 DS play cricket and football, plus school events and clubs. DH runs one of the teams. I have no problem with this, I have no real problem with standing in a flooded field for 45 mins in torrential rain and high winds on Sunday because for some reasons they played 3/4 of the match before calling it off.

I don't even mind them watching football too much. But fantasy football is a step too far and causes to many arguments in my house. I HATE it.

PhoenixReincarnated · 15/02/2022 22:51

*54FusionChefGeoff

Classic MN response warning:

You don't have a football problem you have a DH problem.

He and DSS need to step up with lunches etc when they get back and too bad if they're tired*

^^This

stressedscot · 15/02/2022 22:53

I have a swimmer and a rider, at least football starts at a sensible hour! My thinking is they won't need me for ever running them around so while they do I'll give them every opportunity as I gave up sports when mum told me to get the bus.
I do still insist they pull their weight when they are home though.

tttigress · 15/02/2022 23:16

I think the one that being selfish is you husband, surely at 48 he has had a good run?

CurlyTop1980 · 15/02/2022 23:21

If you're kid is into it. You will need to commit the time. My DD plays district football, plays for local team and is also in the advanced training of a RTC. We have training 3 times a week and 2 or 3 matches over the weekend. She loves it. I enjoy the time with her. Enjoy it. You will miss it when it ends.

RandomMess · 15/02/2022 23:31

I guess everyone should get up as early as you and do their share of the grunt work in the morning??

Kite22 · 15/02/2022 23:46

I don't understand why this is your week Confused

Is your DSS really training 4 nights a week?
In which case, why not get your dh to take him and friends once, and then other parents to take him once each too ?

Or (if this is a DSS), presumably he also has his own mother to share with the taking / fetching ?

Or - how old is he? Can he cycle, or get the bus or train to training, even if one of you picks him up ?

I mean, when you have dc who have got involved in something at what sounds like a high level, then that comes with ferrying about duties. Most of us find a way to make that work.

YABU

Redlorryyellowduck · 16/02/2022 07:27

If none of you are willing to compromise then this is life. Start making plans with your friends after work etc, you really needn't be dragged in to all of this.

Original poster
Four4One · 16/02/2022 07:45

DSS's mum will have nothing to do with football. We are the 'sporty family' so it's up to us. He can't make his own way there, it's too far.
I was hoping that he could get a lift from some team mates every once and a while, to ease the load a little. At NO point do I suggest he stops.
DSS's commitments are 3 times per week, not including school team which may crop up shortly.
DH's commitments are 2 times per week + all the lifting and carrying of DSS.
I carry the rest of the 'grunt' as a means to support them both and it's just exhausting on top of a 60 hour week. But I 100% appreciate its massively important to them, so I support them.
Put it this was no-one sees me out the door with a coffee at 5am in the morning, but I would feel selfish if I was in bed when they got home with no thought given to if they'd be hungry. So I probably do more than I should.

OP posts:
Redcrayons · 16/02/2022 07:53

I’ve also been there and got the t shirt. I didn’t want my kids to miss out so sucked it up.

I had a useless H who didn’t do his fair share so I did pretty much all of it. He’s now an ex.
Why isn’t you DH doing more?

FreakinFrankNFurter · 16/02/2022 07:55

Are you saying it's DH not you taking him to football? If so, why is it a problem?

FrecklesMalone · 16/02/2022 07:58

Your main issue is that you have a job that takes up 60 hours of your life!!!
is that essential? Are you on the breadline? In which case maybe cost is a factor for the football?

If not why work so hard. Life is short.
As for the football. We have 3 sporty kids. All three play football for different clubs and so do I. Two of them are also into athletics two which involves ridiculous trips across the country. They also are into scouts. The no "free" day is annoying as makes it hard to do day trips. However, we do lots of sharing of lifts, I don't watch training only matches. Sometimes I miss on of their matches but DH tries to go. But I make sure I have time for myself. Most weeks I go out friends once or twice. We miss some weeks of matches and go away for the weekend.
And though it is annoying they are now teenagers and still into it. Very fit unlike many of their peers, several of whom are overweight or flaccid and tend to spend most of their time gaming. I often feel this potential for long term good health is the best thing we ever have done as parents.

Patters4779 · 16/02/2022 08:04

We did this for 15yrs with the kids and now DH is a coach so the cycle has started again. We have a busy house with older teens, football and dogs but I wouldn't have it any other way. If the weekend games are called off we all feel at a bit of a loose end.

I look at it as I had so much time with my boys doing stuff they loved as they were growing up..its made our relationship now stronger.

Theeyeballsinthesky · 16/02/2022 08:10

@Four4One

DSS's mum will have nothing to do with football. We are the 'sporty family' so it's up to us. He can't make his own way there, it's too far. I was hoping that he could get a lift from some team mates every once and a while, to ease the load a little. At NO point do I suggest he stops. DSS's commitments are 3 times per week, not including school team which may crop up shortly. DH's commitments are 2 times per week + all the lifting and carrying of DSS. I carry the rest of the 'grunt' as a means to support them both and it's just exhausting on top of a 60 hour week. But I 100% appreciate its massively important to them, so I support them. Put it this was no-one sees me out the door with a coffee at 5am in the morning, but I would feel selfish if I was in bed when they got home with no thought given to if they'd be hungry. So I probably do more than I should.
The thing is OP you think that because you think about their welfare - what if they’re Hungry, they won’t wanT to cook, you think they will appreciate your thoughtfulness and care and reciprocate in some way

They won’t though, they’re male, they’ve been socialised to accept this as their sue; that you should exhaust yourself to look after them. They won’t have ever considered anything else

You can’t change their behaviour, you can only change yours. Stop exhausting yourself for tjem. They’re not 3! If they need to eat, they can sort food or go to training hungry

MadameHeisenberg · 16/02/2022 08:13

I feel like this with skiing and ice hockey at the moment and mine are only just turned 6 and 4! Weekends are totally taken up by it and hauling all the kit around. They enjoy it though and the skiing pays off as it means we can all ski together.

I think putting yourself out for the kids is fair enough but with a partner, there has to be give and take. So many men seem to think they can devote hours a week to their hobbies while their wife picks up the slack, but aren’t prepared to do the same for her. Fuck that shit.

Mariposista · 16/02/2022 08:15

Wouldn’t you rather them be training and doing something healthy that they love rather than slobbing in from of the tv or playing videogames. Speaking as a fellow athlete here, training 6 x a week plus competitions so no sympathy possible I’m afraid.

MaggieMooh · 16/02/2022 08:20

So they are out 5 days a week but you don’t attend at all? And your complaint is that you’re left to do everything else while they’re out?

If your DH is unable to meet his commitments as an adult including cooking and other chores, then he needs to give something up to make time for that. Basically he needs to choose between his son and himself. Because he can’t be out 5 days a week and still cope with his other responsibilities. You should not be facilitating him either, he needs to make time deal with his own adult responsibilities.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 16/02/2022 08:25

DSS's mum will have nothing to do with football.

I think this speaks volumes, tbh. I suspect she got fed up of facilitating football when they were together, too.

I carry the rest of the 'grunt' as a means to support them both and it's just exhausting on top of a 60 hour week. But I 100% appreciate its massively important to them, so I support them.

But you're choosing to do this - if it makes you resentful, stop it! DH is a grown man and more than capable of organising dinner for himself and his son. It's not tiring to put a pizza in the oven or to heat up some soup or cook a pan of pasta. He just knows he doesn't have to do it because you will. So stop.

&Put it this was no-one sees me out the door with a coffee at 5am in the morning, but I would feel selfish if I was in bed when they got home with no thought given to if they'd be hungry. So I probably do more than I should.*

Why would you feel bad? If they have enough energy to go out and play football every night, they can sort their own meals.

NrlySp · 16/02/2022 08:29

Maybe you all need to sit down together and work out a schedule for lifts and meals. Slow cooker? If you are gone at 5am someone can prep a meal and put it in the slow cooker Meal prep - help at weekends etc.
Maybe there are other parents who would like to share lifts to and from training.
Take a bit of the pressure off you.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 16/02/2022 08:36

Can they not do the next days lunch when they come in from school? Or do they go straight from school to football?

Comedycook · 16/02/2022 08:38

it only leave Saturday/night to do something as a couple or family

I think that's fine. My ds is 13...he'd much rather play football then do family stuff! As they get older, they want to pull away anyway and if they have a sport to focus on then it's great. Much better then them sitting on games consoles all day

FrecklesMalone · 16/02/2022 08:40

If it's doing all the housework/dinners that is pissing you off just stop .DH must do half.

If it's because they are never in, share lifts etc and get your own hobbies.