Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to mention BO?

56 replies

Queenoftheduvan · 15/02/2022 18:53

Ok,I need help to not come across as a massive bitch….
Have you ever had to tell someone they had BO? How do you do it without causing upset???
It’s someone who I manage,so I feel like I have a duty to say something.
No other colleagues have mentioned it to me but it is clearly a strong smell and I can’t bear the thought of other people talking about her behind her back.
Person lives at home with access to showers and has more than one uniform to wash between shifts…I’m so uncomfortable so don’t want my discomfort to come across as rudeness

OP posts:
peboh · 15/02/2022 18:59

Do you know for sure that they have access to showers and a washer? Whilst they may have those things in their home, that doesn't mean that they can use them (abusive situation, financial difficulties with paying bills etc)

I think you need to just go into it as open and kind as you can. Whilst you may be feeling extremely uncomfortable, this is going to be much more uncomfortable for them so please refrain from using words such as BO and smelly.
"Hi -colleague- I've had some concerns lately surrounding your living situation, I've noticed a slight dip in personal hygiene and I was just wondering if there was anything we could do to support you?" Or something along those lines.

curiousturtle17 · 15/02/2022 19:01

I can tell you how not to do it! I worked in a bar and we would have a team briefing at the start of shifts with 30-40 staff. Our bar manager told us she had complaints about someones hygiene and didn't want to have to single that person out so advised us all to make sure we were keeping our uniforms clean and washing properly.

Cue everyone being intensely paranoid it was them, trying to figure out who it is and why complained!

Mistyplanet · 15/02/2022 19:05

Such a difficult one. Id probably go for something indirect like "whats that smell in here?" 🤪

BoodleBug51 · 15/02/2022 19:20

Please just be honest.

I've had to do this, and went straight in saying "believe me when I say that I don't want to say this out loud any more than you want to hear it, but there's an issue regarding your personal hygiene that can't be ignored. It's only been recent but we really need to address it"

They genuinely didn't realise that they smelled so bad after moving to a "natural" deodorant and were really embarrassed but they did say thank you afterwards for just being honest about it.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 15/02/2022 19:22

What are the uniforms made from? If it’s a man made fibre then they tend to smell more. Sometimes scrubbing the armpits can help.

ChazzaGirl · 15/02/2022 19:28

Is it a regular thing, or has it only been occasional?

If it’s regular, and I don’t know if this is of any help to you, I had a training session a few years ago on hr/staff issues and how to deal with them. In the role play they had us deal with this exact issue - we were advised to talk to the person privately (obviously!) and remind them that certain behaviours and standards were expected, including personal hygiene. We were advised to soften it up by saying that all staff were being reminded of this and that being in close contact proximity of others meant that we had to ensure everyone adhered to it.

It’s a bloody tricky thing to have to discuss with someone!

ChittyBangs · 15/02/2022 19:32

My old boss told me had someone who smelt of BO too, he had a private meeting with him, spoke about it and they both came up with my boss placing a pen on his desk if he could smell it.
The man would then go and freshen up.

Noisyneighneigh · 15/02/2022 19:33

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

What are the uniforms made from? If it’s a man made fibre then they tend to smell more. Sometimes scrubbing the armpits can help.
This. I try to always wear natural fibres. I had some nice man made blouses but no matter what I did, my BO seemed trapped in the armpit region of the blouse for eternity and the warmth of my (clean) body reactivated the smell. I nearly threw them out but after reading a thread on here actually that I started wearing a cotton top underneath and that stopped it.

You could mention that or just directly tell her she smells. If it was me, I'd just want to know and would just appreciate the truth straight up!

SirenSays · 15/02/2022 19:33

I'd want the ground to swallow me up if someone said this to me. I still vividly remember a teacher telling a boy at a lunch club to get out because he smelled so bad.
Could you not do a friendly reminder (not like a PP mentioned) to all staff about appearance, uniform and hygiene and see if that solves the issue first.

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/02/2022 19:34

Be kind, honest and direct.

Pick the end of the week, and tell her you've had to manage this situation before - people get hot etc.

Do a bit of research - eg Mitcham deodorant is good, it helps to wash with proper soap and not shower gell. Some people are just sweaty - can you offer her extra uniforms to make staying on top of washing easier? Also check if she does have showers/washing machine at home - if not do you have any at work she could use? Is she so short of cash she can't buy soap, in which case is there petty cash to help with that. Give her a bit of space to talk - it might be she's mad busy at home and isn't taking time to look after herself, it will make her feel better to offer a reason and to have you be sympathetic.

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/02/2022 19:35

@ChittyBangs

My old boss told me had someone who smelt of BO too, he had a private meeting with him, spoke about it and they both came up with my boss placing a pen on his desk if he could smell it. The man would then go and freshen up.
This is so sweet and kind!
bruce43mydog · 15/02/2022 19:36

just say hey how are you? i was wondering if i could talk to you about something personal. please dont take offence as im trying to be honest and not hurtful, i dont want anyone else pointing it out rudely, its just that we all get body odour from time to time. showering, washing my clothes and using anti perspirant helps me. Im sure she will appriciate your honesty.

Theunamedcat · 15/02/2022 19:37

We had a lady with BO issues in the office she lasted one day before they terminated her

maddy68 · 15/02/2022 19:42

Be straight about it. "Bloody hell mate, have you run out of deodorant " and then move the conversation on quicklybsi they don't have to discuss it

Itsalmostanaccessory · 15/02/2022 19:44

There are lots of scripts to follow online for managers to do this.

Quick, straight to the point and then get out of the room. Dont drag it out. Dont try and be nicey nice. Just makes it worse.

ChazzaGirl · 15/02/2022 19:45

Also, be aware that some people do have medical conditions that can cause this problem. I worked with someone many moons ago who smelled dreadfully of BO, yet she was always immaculately turned out with clean clothes every day. It transpired there was a medical cause for the smell. So maybe approach with caution and kindness (which I’m sure you would anyway)?

TheSpottedZebra · 15/02/2022 19:46

What peboh said is perfect. Honest but kind.

Itsalmostanaccessory · 15/02/2022 19:46

www.inc.com/alison-green/how-to-talk-to-an-employee-about-body-odor.html

There.

CraftyGin · 15/02/2022 19:49

When I was teaching, I would say, "it's a bit whiffy in here".

In this scenario, it's about teaching the kids personal hygiene, rather than being grossed out by any smell.

I don't know how to say this in an office environment.

WonderfulYou · 15/02/2022 19:52

I would try one day smelling your own armpits and saying “oh I’m really smelly today” and then take your deodorant and go and spray yourself.

You could come back in and say you’re not sure if it’s your uniform or your arm pits.

I find that just mentioning it will make most people think about their own smell too but it will also make the situation more comfortable as they’ll know that everyone smells and if you’re not embarrassed by it then she shouldn’t be either.

As others have said some people do have a medical condition so she could be using deodorant and washing properly.

Ameanstreakamilewide · 15/02/2022 20:13

@WonderfulYou

I would try one day smelling your own armpits and saying “oh I’m really smelly today” and then take your deodorant and go and spray yourself.

You could come back in and say you’re not sure if it’s your uniform or your arm pits.

I find that just mentioning it will make most people think about their own smell too but it will also make the situation more comfortable as they’ll know that everyone smells and if you’re not embarrassed by it then she shouldn’t be either.

As others have said some people do have a medical condition so she could be using deodorant and washing properly.

That's unprofessional and is skirting around the issue.

You have to be honest, direct and sensitive to the colleague.

Beating around the bush isn't helpful.

Thinkbiglittleone · 15/02/2022 20:16

"Hi -colleague- I've had some concerns lately surrounding your living situation, I've noticed a slight dip in personal hygiene and I was just wondering if there was anything we could do to support you?" Or something along those lines.

Definitely this approach. You really don't know her circumstance.

Flippydip · 15/02/2022 20:32

I think you have to accept that however you say it, it's going to feel awkward. I nearly had to discuss it with a member of staff a while back and good bit of advice I found was to talk to the person at the of the day, so that they can go straight home afterwards and not have to stick around at work feeling uncomfortable.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 15/02/2022 20:34

One of the key things about difficult conversations is disclosing your own feelings first.

So as people said upthread ‘ l feel very awkward/uncomfortable’ or whatever before doing the deed.

Ermengarde · 15/02/2022 20:42

Definitely kindest to have the conversation at the end of the working day, ideally just before the weekend.